


Office Hours

by clizziem



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxious Yamaguchi Tadashi, Astronomer Tsukishima, Attempted Sexual Assault, Autistic Kozume Kenma, Boys In Love, Bullied Yamaguchi Tadashi, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, I have brain rot and it's called haikyuu, Inaccurate Legal Stuff, M/M, Mild Smut, Musician Yamaguchi, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Underage Drinking, you know what flavor we haven't tried yet? therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 63,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29526930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clizziem/pseuds/clizziem
Summary: University is not quite what Tadashi Yamaguchi had in mind. It's been a whole month and the only friend he's made is his roommate and his astronomy gen ed is killing him. Not to mention a lot of what he thought he was over is coming back to haunt him and make his experience extra challenging. But things start to turn around when he's sent to one of his astronomy class TA's, Kei Tsukishima.Stars are aligning in more ways than one.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 116
Kudos: 180





	1. Crescendo

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I know nothing about Japan this is based on American college.   
> I'm hyperfixating on Yamaguchi Tadashi and this happened. Plus I am an actual piece of Tsukiyama garbage.

Tadashi steps into the elevator with a small crowd and watches the front desk vanish as the silver doors slide closed. His eyelids are heavy and he’s struggling to keep them open. The elevator stops at the third floor and some people brush past him to get out. Tadashi sighs and steps to the back of the elevator, leaning against the wall.

It’s going to be a long ride to the ninth floor.

He’s loaded with homework from classes he doesn’t understand. His classes go so late and he has so much to do tonight.

He thought college was going to mean freedom and making new friends. So far he’s only made friends with his roommate, Shoyo, and he’s stayed up until two in the morning most nights struggling with math and astronomy.

And literature.

And sociology.

It’s especially embarrassing that he’s basically friendless and overwhelmed to all hell when his roommate already has a boyfriend and they’ve only been here a month.

Tadashi glances up at the floor number and shuts his eyes. One more floor and then he can stumble into his dorm and collapse for a couple of minutes before he has to get to work.

The elevator dings and Tadashi steps out and shuffles down the hall to his dorm room. He turns the rusty gold knob and practically falls into the room and shrugs his backpack off.

“Hey, Tadashi!” Shoyo greets cheerfully without looking up from his tablet. His pen is in his hand and his tongue sticks out. Tadashi breathes out a ‘hello’ and curls up on his bed, his back facing Shoyo. He sticks a hand under his pillow and pulls out his iPod. He puts his earbuds in and scrolls through his music for a second before settling on a classical piano piece.

He sighs and feels some of the day’s tension seep out of his body. He barely got to play today and even though he’s felt his grip on the piano slipping, it still relaxes him. A thought about what his family thought about him majoring in music intrudes in his mind and he starts naming the notes in the piece to take his mind off it. He feels his fingers start twitching; his muscles long to dance over ivory keys. His gen-eds have kept him so busy he hasn’t been able to go to practice rooms in two weeks.

The piece comes to an end and he pauses his playlist. Tadashi sighs and takes his earbuds out and sets his iPod under his pillow again. He pulls his backpack up and digs his planner out of the bottom of his backpack and reads through what he has to do tonight.

_ Read chapter seven of sociology textbook _

_ First half of astronomy assignment _

_ Read chapter 5 of Frankenstein _

_ First third of math assignment _

Tadashi glances at his phone and bites his lip to keep himself from crying. It’s already seven-thirty. And he still needs to shower and eat dinner.

Maybe he’ll get to those after he finishes his work.

Steeling his jaw, he finds his homework playlist and puts his earbuds back in. 

It’s going to be a long night.

Tadashi furrows his brow in frustration at the numbers in front of him. He pounds his fist against his forehead and looks back at the numbers.

It’s not fucking rocket science.

It’s just parallax.

His professor said this was simple. Why can’t he figure this out? He must just be stupid. As stupid as…

Tadashi shakes his head to banish the echoing taunts from his middle school and high school peers and puts his pencil to his notebook with shaking hands.

This is his last problem. After this, he can go to sleep and pretend the day never happened.

Until another one has to start.

“Tadashi?” Shoyo’s sleepy voice asks. Tadashi looks up and meets Shoyo’s half-lidded gaze. “Are you still working?”

“Um, yeah,” he mumbles.

“Do you need some help?” Shoyo asks. Tadashi peeks at the alarm clock on the table between their beds. 2:34. He does need help. Desperately. But he also doesn’t think Shoyo’s brain would be able to work on astronomy at this time of night.

“I’m okay. I’m on my last problem,” Tadashi says as steadily as he can.

“Have you eaten anything tonight?” Shoyo asks. Tadashi shakes his head and keeps trying to calculate a hypothetical parallax. “You should talk to your TA.”

“And say what? That I’m too dumb to understand this simple concept?” Tadashi snaps without meaning to. His eyes sting and he has to look away from his homework. He hears Shoyo adjust in bed.

“You’re not dumb. Just ask them to explain the concept or help you with your homework. You only have one class tomorrow right?”

“Two.”

“Check your TA’s office hours. Maybe you can meet them tomorrow.”

Tadashi tries to think of an excuse to not go but he can’t. He sighs and nods. “Okay.”

“Now go to sleep,” Shoyo says and lays back down. Tadashi snorts under his breath and sets his notebook and textbook on the floor by his bed and turns off his wall lamp. He slides under the covers and wraps his arms around his pillow, holding it close to his body. He likes pretending he’s cuddling someone in his sleep.

He likes pretending someone really, truly loves him.

“-And after you’ve done all of that, you get the parallax. Make sense?” Kotaro Bokuto says with a huge smile and wide eyes. Tadashi thinks he looks weirdly like an owl.

A way too enthusiastic owl that seems to be speaking a different language when explaining astronomy.

_ Don’t let him know you’re stupid, just say it made sense. He’ll get mad if you don’t get it. _

“Uh, yeah, makes sense,” Tadashi says and writes the answer that he and Kotaro came to in his notebook.

There’s a moment of silence and then Kotaro chuckles under his breath. “You didn’t understand a word I just said, didn’t you?”

Tadashi flinches and the tip of his pencil breaks off with a deafening  _ snap _ . “N-No, I get it now, I swear I was listening-” he says too fast. Kotaro holds a hand up. 

“Chill out, man. It’s cool if you still don’t get it. You can be honest with me, does my teaching style not work with you?”

Tadashi doesn’t say anything but Kotaro nods. “Your silence speaks volumes.”

“I’m really sorry, I’m just dumb-”

“You’re not dumb, it’s fine. My ego is not wounded. Look, if I don’t work for you, let me recommend a different TA,” Kotaro says and pulls his laptop towards him.

Tadashi’s heart spikes and he shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that-”

“Damn, you’re high strung,” Kotaro says. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just checking something.”

“R-Really, you don’t have to help me it’s okay,” Tadashi says with a shaking voice.

“Fucking hell, who hurt you?” Kotaro mutters, then grins. “Okay got it. There’s another TA for the class that has office hours the same time I do, just in the library. His name’s Kei. Want his office info?”

Tadashi nods a few too many times and takes the slip of paper Kotaro hands him. “Thanks,” he says softly and sticks his textbook in his backpack.

“No problem, dude. I’ve heard a lot of students say Kei’s real good so you’ll be in great hands.”

Fuck.

That probably means his office hours are crowded with students. Even more people to know how fucking stupid he is. 

He nods to Kotaro and walks out of the empty classroom. The library is only one or two buildings over, he can definitely make it in time but his feet feel like lead. He feels on display enough in lecture halls and his smaller literature and piano courses but so far he’s avoided working one-on-one with a teacher.

Well, aside from Bokuto now.

Tadashi gets into the library and feels his fingertips go cold. He’s vibrating with small tremors as he walks through the library to find the study room Kei Tsukishima holds his office hours in. He feels like everyone’s staring at him. Like they’re watching him go to the second TA in one day.

He finds the room and sees a blonde boy with glasses sitting in front of a laptop with headphones on. No one else is there and Tadashi’s stomach churns.

Now he has to get this man to notice him.

“Um, hello?” He says too quietly and raises a shaking hand to wave at the other boy.

Kei does not notice him.

Tadashi whimpers under his breath and knocks on the metal threshold. Kei glances up and his eyes widen.

“Can I help you?”

Tadashi hopes the other boy can’t see how hard he’s shaking. God, he’s pathetic. It’s just a simple social interaction, why can’t he do it right?

“Um, you TA for Intro to Astronomy right?”

Kei raises an eyebrow. “Yes. I don’t recognize you from my discussion section?”

Tadashi pulls on his ice-cold fingers and directs his gaze to the floor. “Uh, I-I’m in...Kotaro Bokuto’s section,” he says it more like a question.

“Then why aren’t you at his office hours?” Kei asks a little harshly. Tadashi runs a hand through his hair and his eyes start to sting again.

“Oh, God. Um, I-I’m sorry I was just...just at h-his and..and I-I couldn’t really under-understand him he-he told me to come to y-yours but I-I can go I’m sorry,” Tadashi stammers. He turns around so quickly he bumps into the door frame and then Kei stands up and Tadashi flinches back.

“Wait,” Kei says. Tadashi stands still and shakes. His vision starts to swim and his heart’s pounding so hard it hurts. “You don’t have to go. You can visit any of the TA’s office hours. Come sit down.”

Tadashi takes a trembling breath and goes to sit across from Kei.

“What’s your name?” Kei asks.

“Tadashi Yamaguchi,” Tadashi says.

“What do you need help with?” Kei asks while he scrolls through a page on his laptop.

“Uh, I was wondering if you could help me with the homework due tomorrow?”

“Sure, how much do you have done?” Kei asks. Tadashi pulls out his notebook and textbook.

“A-A little less than half,” he murmurs in shame. Kei raises an eyebrow.

“Only that much in two days?” He asks.

Tadashi feels his eyes get warm and he looks at his lap. “Um, I’m...not good at astronomy.”

“Why are you taking the class?” Kei asks.

“I-I need a natural science credit,” Tadashi says.

“What’s your major?”

“Music. Uh, piano, I mean.”

Kei scoffs and pushes his laptop aside. “Yeah, no wonder you’re struggling.”

Tadashi squirms in his seat and doesn’t say anything. 

“Well, let’s see what I can do, Music Major.”

Kei checks the clock and tsks. “I got a class in twenty minutes, I gotta head out. Did this help you?”

Tadashi puts his stuff away and nods. He actually means it this time. Kei was patient, if not a little abrasive, and just explained things in ways that worked with Tadashi’s brain. He can’t really explain why.

“Yes. Thank you so much, you’re a great teacher,” Tadashi says too quickly. Kei puts his headphones around his neck and chuckles.

“Well I am majoring in this stuff, it would be a little awkward if I didn’t understand it.”

“You’re an astronomy major?” Tadashi asks in awe.

“I just said that,” Kei says.

“S-Sorry,” Tadashi mutters and stands up.

“Well, I’m here pretty much every day at the same time so come back whenever you need to. Or text me to make an appointment.” Kei says and holds a hand up to say goodbye and puts his headphones over his ears. 

“O-Okay! I’ll be here tomorrow!” Tadashi calls too late and then basically powerwalks out of the library. 

Tadashi walks back into his empty dorm room and collapses on his bed.

Maybe he’s not totally doomed in this class now.

He sets an alarm on his phone for an hour from now and shuts his eyes.

He can finally get a little rest.

Tadashi’s morning alarm goes off and he groans trying to find his phone in his tangle of sheets. It takes him a second before he feels it.

Heavy and cold and filling every crevice of his body.

Tadashi sluggishly runs through what he did last night and moans in frustration that he forgot to take his meds.

He must have been distracted by finally getting to eat dinner and hang out with Shoyo last night since he got all his work done after his nap.

Idiot.

_ “Useless stupid idiot Yamaguchi!” _

He squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in the pillow he’s cuddling.

_ “Aww, is baby going to cry?” _

“Morning, Tadashi!” Shoyo chirps and Tadashi shifts so he can watch his friend bound around their room getting ready for the day.

_ “Tadashi and all his friends!” _

Tadashi mumbles in reply and pulls his comforter over his head.

_ “Get over here, dirt-face!” _

“Don’t you have a lecture soon?” Shoyo asks.

“Not going,” Tadashi mumbles.

Shoyo’s footsteps stop tip-tapping around. “Are you okay?”

“Just go to class, Shoyo,” Tadashi whines and feels some tears roll off his nose and tickle his cheeks.

He feels Shoyo’s weight settle on his mattress and a hand lands on his shoulder through the blanket.

“You’re not okay,” Shoyo says matter-of-factly. “Walking to class might make you feel a little better.”

Tadashi doesn’t say anything and a couple more tears fall. He can feel tiny rocks that kids snuck into the classroom hitting his back, neck, and head.

_ “Dummy” _

_ “Worthless” _

_ “Ugly” _

_ “Idiot” _

The comforter is suddenly ripped off his body and falls to the floor in a flourish. Tadashi yelps in shock and Shoyo stands in the center of their dorm room with his hands on his hips.

“Come on. You’re going to lecture today.”

“Shoyo-”

“Are you going to let one hard morning ruin your day? Are you going to take a bad day laying down?” He challenges. Tadashi grumbles and slides off his bed. He doesn’t really feel his legs carry him to his dresser, nor does he really feel the denim sliding up his body.

Or the socks coating his feet.

Or his shoes.

“There you go,” Shoyo cheers and claps his hands near Tadashi’s face. “Come on! Change out of that t-shirt! Brush those teeth! You’re going to have an…” He trails off for a second. “An okay day!” 

Tadashi giggles a little at that and pulls a solid grey sweatshirt over his head and goes to brush his teeth, Shoyo clapping his hands and cheering the whole time.

“Now run a brush through that hair and walk your butt to your astronomy class!” Shoyo shouts and runs out the door. Tadashi chuckles and grabs his comb and watches his hands move in the mirror. His eyes land on his freckles and his gut sinks.

_ “Dirt face” _

_ “Raggedy Ann” _

_ “Ugly” _

His bed starts calling for him again but Tadashi shakes his head. He told Shoyo he’d try.

He can’t disappoint any more people in his life.

The walk helps clear his head and he can feel his limbs again but his body still feels empty and distant from the world. He watches himself sit down in the third row and takes out his notebook.

He tries to stay present during the lecture but he’s hyperaware of how many people surround him and he can feel phantom rocks and wads of paper and pencil tips hitting his body and his hands are shaking and everything feels like it’s underwater.

Someone knocks his shoulder and he yelps and jumps in his seat.

“Dude. Any thoughts about what the prof asked?” A student asks. Tadashi’s mouth goes dry and he shakes his head.

“Wasn’t...Wasn’t listening,” he whispers.

“Alright, he’s useless. What about-” the student turns to someone on his other side and the word rattles in Tadashi’s head.

Useless.

Useless.

_ “Do you want to be useless to this family?” _

Tadashi’s eyes get warm and watery instantly and he throws his notebook into his backpack and barely zips it up before he’s running up the hall to the back exit.

He breaks through the heavy doors and stumbles into a corner across the room and covers his face.

Why is he even bothering? He can’t do anything of any significance and he’s barely able to do what he came here to major in.

Maybe They were right.

Maybe he can’t do this. He’s too stupid and slow.

He should just drop out and spare his family from spending all this money on a useless education.

“Hey. Are you alright?” A somewhat familiar voice asks. Tadashi lifts his head and wipes his eye. Kei Tsukishima is standing over him with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m fine,” Tadashi whimpers and looks away.

“That was more of a trick question, you’re clearly not fine,” Kei says and sits down beside Tadashi. “Do you need anything?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “Just...need a minute.”

Kei nods and glances between Tadashi and the door. “Do...Do you want someone to stay with you?”

Tadashi knows he should tell Kei to go back to the lecture. He needs to be there for his actual students and not waste his time with an idiot on the floor he’s not even responsible for.

But he doesn’t. He nods into his knees and Kei scoots a little closer. There’s a moment of nothing and then something settles over Tadashi’s ears and head and classical music floats through his ears. It’s a full orchestra playing Tchaikovsky and Tadashi sighs. He’s wanted to play this piece for ages but never had the time to study it.

“Sorry, I don’t really know what to do in this situation,” Kei says. “I just know classical music relaxes me.”

“It’s perfect,” Tadashi whispers and shuts his eyes. “Thank you.”

Kei doesn’t say anything but they both sit in comfortable silence while Tadashi listens to Kei’s classical music playlist.

Eventually, the back doors open and students flood into the hall. Tadashi takes Kei’s headphones off and hands them back to him. 

Kei puts them around his neck and helps Tadashi to his feet. “You should go home for the day.”

“I-I have other classes,” Tadashi says.

“And everything can be found online. If you hurt your leg you’d go home, right?”

“I suppose,” Tadashi mutters.

“So why is having an anxiety attack any different?” Kei asks and puts his headphones on. “Go home and rest,” he adds and walks away.

Tadashi stands in shock for a couple of seconds then shakily walks out of the building to find a bus stop.

“What are you doing home already?” Shoyo asks when Tadashi shuffles back into their room. “I thought you had classes until six-forty-five.”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” Tadashi mumbles and crawls into bed. He pulls the comforter over his head and takes a shaky breath. “Can...Can you put your headphones on?” He asks Shoyo.

“O-Okay,” Shoyo says. Tadashi waits a couple of seconds and then lets himself sob softly into his pillow.

Why is this stuff still bothering him?

He’s away from his family and he hasn’t seen his bullies in months. Why can he still feel the sting of their words?

His phone pings and he lifts it up to see an unknown number. His stomach churns for a second, remembering all the texts he’s gotten from unknown numbers but he opens it anyway.

There are three attachments.

Pages of notes.

_ I got notes from the lecture from one of the other TAs. Let me know if you need help understanding anything. _

_ -K _

Tadashi wipes his eyes and sniffles. He types out a thanks, saves the contact, and then drops his phone.

Kei sought out notes for him.

Tadashi pulls his pillow closer and buries his eyes in the fluff.

Someone out there cares a tiny bit. 


	2. Eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei Tsukishima re-encounters Tadashi and more astronomy shenanigans ensue.
> 
> Tobio raises an eyebrow. “You seem very concerned about this Tadashi.”  
>  Kei glares at his roommate. “What are you saying?”  
>  Tobio shrugs and looks back at his plate. “Nothing yet,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I can't be stopped.   
> Maybe tiny TW for references to bullying?

Kei piles on some sweet potato to his plate and moves smoothly through the crowd to find Tobio in the dining hall. He was secretly overjoyed when Tobio texted him asking if he wanted to meet for lunch. His office hours were lonely and empty and he was all caught up on his work so he had nothing to do for the two hours he was there. A selfish part of him regrets telling the boy with the freckles to go home after his anxiety attack. Tadashi kept him real busy yesterday.

And he’s cute but Kei’s not thinking about that.

He finds Tobio’s dark head at a booth near the window, bowed over his phone. Kei smirks and slides into the seat across from Tobio.

“Texting your little boyfriend?” He asks. Tobio looks up and glares.

“Maybe!” He huffs with a blush.

“That’s a yes,” Kei says and picks up his sandwich and takes a bite. “How is the little carrot?”

“His name is Shoyo,” Tobio grumbles and sets his phone aside and stabs a string bean with his fork. “He’s fine. Apparently his roommate is not doing too well.”

“Pity,” Kei says and gazes out the window.

“How were office hours?”

“No one came,” Kei says. “So pretty boring.”

“I thought you said that boy with the freckles was going to come today,” Tobio says. “You said that was the whole reason you weren’t gonna ditch them today.”

“He…” Kei trails off. It seems slightly wrong to tell Tobio about Tadashi’s anxiety attack. But he shrugs. They’ll probably never meet. “He had an anxiety attack during lecture. I told him to go home.”

“Poor guy,” Tobio says with a bean in his mouth. “Did he seem okay when you left?”

“Better at least,” Kei says and takes a bite of sweet potato. “He seems to have a lot of anxiety. He was shaking like a leaf when we met.”

Tobio raises an eyebrow. “You seem very concerned about this Tadashi.”

Kei glares at his roommate. “What are you saying?”

Tobio shrugs and looks back at his plate. “Nothing yet,” he says. Kei flushes and looks at his own plate. “Are you done with classes today?”

“Yeah, just have a shit ton of work to do.”

“Same. Want to come to Shoyo’s with me? We’re going to do homework together.”

“Depends,” Kei says and points his fork at Tobio. “Are you two gonna be gross?”

“Not in front of you.”

“Fine, I’ll come,” Kei says and takes another bite of potato. “How much homework could that kid possibly have? He’s an art student.”

“Gen Eds exist. He’s taking chem and wants my help.”

“I guess,” Kei mutters.

“Hurry up and finish,” Tobio says. Kei stares him down.

“You can wait ten minutes to see your boyfriend.”

“My roommate’s kind of going through it right now but we can still work in my room,” Shoyo says when he, Tobio, and Kei file into the elevator. “Just be kind of quiet. I don’t think he’s sleeping but just needs things to be quiet.”

“Fair enough,” Tobio says and pulls Shoyo into a side hug and kisses his head.

“Don’t be gross,” Kei deadpans. Shoyo glares at him and Kei rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to third wheel more than I already am.”

The elevator dings and the doors slide open. Shoyo takes Tobio’s hand and leads them down the hall. He opens a door and the three of them enter a dimly lit room with the walls covered in pictures on one side and barren white walls on the other. Shoyo’s bed is messily made with his navy comforter sliding off the bed. The other bed has a still lump of grey comforter that must be Shoyo’s roommate.

“You sure you’re okay with them being here?” Shoyo says. The lump nods and a tiny voice whimpers,

“It’s fine.”

Shoyo shrugs at Tobio and the three of them pile onto Shoyo’s bed. Kei pulls up his laptop to start working on physics homework while Tobio leans over Shoyo’s shoulder and starts explaining chemistry concepts.

Kei puts his headphones on and starts solving physics problems, his eyes occasionally landing on the lump across from him. Sometimes the lump sniffles and it makes Kei’s heart clench. It keeps making him think of Tadashi and his freckled cheeks covered in red tear tracks.

He hopes he was able to help him even a little bit.

An hour passes. Then another. Shoyo finishes his chem homework and Kei’s moved on to his music history reading when the lump moves and brown hair with a familiar cowlick emerges from the blankets and Tadashi rubs his eye.

Kei’s heart skips a beat and then clenches.

A couple of things happen at once.

Kei mentally scolds himself for being a moron that apparently couldn’t put together that Tadashi is Shoyo’s roommate. Shoyo brightly asks Tadashi how he’s feeling.

And Tadashi squeaks when he sees Kei and ducks under the covers again.

“Do you two know each other?” Shoyo asks.

“Astronomy TA,” Tadashi stammers from under the blanket.

“Technically he’s not in my section,” Kei says.

“Then what’s wrong?” Shoyo asks.

“I assume he’s embarrassed about lecture today,” Kei says.

“Don’t!” Tadashi cries out.

“What happened in lecture?” Shoyo asks.

Kei stands up and pulls Tadashi’s covers down. “You didn’t tell your roommate what happened? He could have helped you, you idiot!”

The room falls quiet and Tadashi’s eyes well up with tears and a sob bubbles out of his mouth and he clenches the comforter with shaking hands.

“Nice job, Kei,” Tobio says from Shoyo’s bed. “You made someone who had an anxiety attack three hours ago cry.”

“Well I’m not wrong,” Kei snaps at Tobio. “He has to take care of himself.”

“Can’t...Can’t be a bur-burden,” Tadashi stammers and wipes his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, come on,” Kei says and grabs his hand. Tadashi squeaks in surprise again when Kei pulls him out of the room and down to the vending machine near the elevator. Kei takes out his ID card and swipes it, selects a water bottle and waits for it to fall. He picks it out of the machine and places it in Tadashi’s free hand.

“Rehydrate,” he orders. Tadashi blinks at him a couple of times, sniffs, then twists the bottle cap off and takes a long sip. He wipes his mouth on his sleeve and sniffs again.”Better?” Kei asks.

“No,” Tadashi says. “But...thanks...I-I’m not used to this.”

“Used to what?” Kei asks but he thinks he knows what the other boy means. Tadashi shrugs and stands limply in front of Kei. 

Kei sighs and looks away. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“It’s fine,” Tadashi says. “You’re probably right, anyway.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Kei says. “But you wouldn’t have been a burden on Shoyo.”

Tadashi shrugs again and walks back down the hall.

Kei waits for half a second before following him. “Do you want me to run through what we talked about in lecture?”

“You weren’t there either.”

“I have the notes, don’t I? Besides, I get this stuff.”

Tadashi bites his lip and then nods. “Yes, please.”

“So when a star is coming towards you, the light from that star becomes more blue because the light waves are getting squished. When it’s going away from you, it’s kind of stretching out the waves so the light becomes redder. Does that make sense?” Kei says. Tadashi bites his lip.

“So it’s redder because longer wavelengths are red on the color spectrum thing, right?” He asks.

“Exactly,” Kei says. “And shorter wavelengths are bluer.”

Tadashi writes down some notes and a small smile cracks across his lips. “Okay. I think I get that.”

“Anything else you want to go over?” Tadashi glances at the clock. Tobio and Shoyo left to eat an early dinner together a little while ago.

“Um, can we finish the notes in office hours tomorrow?” Tadashi asks.

“Sure,” Kei says and goes to pack up his backpack. “Let’s go meet the lovebirds for dinner.”

“Okay,” Tadashi murmurs and grabs his wallet from the desk at the end of his bed.

They walk down the hall in awkward silence and step into the elevator. It feels odd for Kei to be alone with Tadashi when they’re not working on astronomy.

“Are you feeling better?” Kei asks. Tadashi shrugs.

“A little. I-I still have a lot of work I’m shit at to do tonight.”

Kei chuckles. “Yeah. I get that. I have an essay to work on in music history.”

Tadashi perks up a little. “You’re taking music history?”

“It’s just for a gen ed credit,” Kei says. “But I like classical music so it seemed fitting.”

Tadashi pulls on his fingers. Kei watches his hands move and smiles to himself. Tadashi’s fingers are long and elegant.

Must be a musician’s hands.

“What are you learning about in there now?” Tadashi asks. Kei grins and starts talking about the baroque period and Tadashi smiles brightly and starts talking animatedly about how the piano was invented in the last part of the baroque period as they descend the steps to the dining hall.

Kei hands the scanner his card and Tadashi hands her his and then Kei looks back over at the shorter boy.

The change in his demeanor is astounding.

Just seconds ago he was talking with his hands and smiling. Now his shoulders are tense and his eyes can’t seem to settle on anything. Kei can see the tremors in his body and frowns. He puts his hand on Tadashi’s arm and the other boy  _ flinches  _ away from him. 

“Tadashi? Are you okay?”

Tadashi looks like he’s about to say he’s fine but then he shakes his head.

“Um...d-dining halls ma-make me anxious,” he mumbles. Kei takes his hand again and leads him over to the plates.

“Just a couple of steps and then we’re with our friends. Step one, grab a plate.”

Tadashi takes a plate with shaking hands and shuffles closer to Kei when people get too close to him. 

“Step two: find food you want,” Kei says and lets Tadashi lead them around to get food. His heart clenches again and again when Tadashi hesitates to take certain foods. Kei wants to know what’s going on in his head.

He has a couple of ideas and hates them all.

Tadashi lets him know when he’s done getting food and Kei pulls him over to the silverware.

“Step three: forks.”

They grab their utensils and then go to the drinks. “And finally step four: get something to drink.” 

Kei gets a lemonade. Tadashi gets orange juice. 

Tobio and Shoyo are impossible to miss with Shoyo’s bright head. Tadashi slides in next to Shoyo and Kei sits next to Tobio.

Conversations about school and lectures start up but Kei’s watching Tadashi eat slowly and cower closer to Shoyo when people walk by him. He’s still shaking and Kei recognizes that all his body language conveys that he doesn’t feel safe.

Shoyo seems to be aware of whatever Tadashi is feeling because every now and then, he’ll tap on his hand. For whatever reason, it calms Tadashi down enough to take a bite of dinner.

After they finish eating, Tobio kisses Shoyo goodnight and he and Kei walk to the bus stop outside Shoyo and Tadashi’s dorm. Tobio nudges Kei’s arm and nods at the building behind them.

“I see what you mean,” he says. “That kid’s a ball of anxiety.”

Kei nods and sticks his hands in his jacket pockets. “Bokuto said it, too.”

The bus pulls up and Kei and Tobio climb to the back of the bus. Kei looks out the window and bites his lip. 

“Do you think someone hurt him?” He asks softly. 

“Maybe,” Tobio says. “Are you saying you care about him?”

Kei glares at Tobio and doesn’t say anything.

So what if he does?

Kei gets to his “office” to find Tadashi already there, sitting on the floor scrolling through an iPod. He looks up when Kei gets closer and stands up.

“Is that an iPod?” Kei asks. “What year do you think it is?”

Tadashi flushes and looks away. “It was a gift,” he says softly. Kei shrugs. 

“Fair enough. Want to keep going through yesterday’s lecture notes?”

Tadashi nods and goes to sit next to Kei. He pulls out his notebook and pencil and slips the iPod in his backpack.

“Who gave it to you?” Kei asks.

Tadashi shakes his head and gets the photo Kei sent him up. 

“You don’t want to tell me?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods.

“It’s...personal,” he says. Kei nods and leans closer to read the notes. It’s the Doppler Effect.

“So remember what we talked about with red and blue shifts…”

They spend two hours going over the last of the lecture notes and then Tadashi checks his Canvas page and his eyes go wide.

“Fuck me,” he whispers.

“What?” Kei asks, pausing to put his headphones back on.

“Our first exam is on Monday,” Tadashi says. 

“So? You’re probably ready by now, right?”

“I don’t know…” Tadashi murmurs. 

“This professor usually makes a study guide that you can follow. His exams aren’t that hard.”

“For you, maybe!” Tadashi exclaims. “I’m a stupid, useless music major.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” Kei says sternly. “If you want to study over the weekend, just text me.”

“I can’t keep bothering you like this,” Tadashi says and packs up his stuff.

“This is literally my job, Tadashi,” Kei says. “And I’m a student same as you. I’m only a year above you, you’re allowed to be friends with me.”

“You want to be my friend?” Tadashi asks with a heartbreaking hope in his voice. 

Kei’s heart clenches and he nods. “Yeah. I’m your friend, Tadashi.”

Tadashi smiles at his shoes and a little blush rises behind his freckles. Kei grins a little and puts his headphones on. “See you later, Tadashi.”

“S-See you, Kei!” Tadashi calls behind him and Kei smiles to himself.

“Why do you look happy?” Tobio asks when Kei walks into their dorm room. “It’s weird.”

“What are you talking about?” Kei says. “I look happy sometimes.”

“I love when you try to sound like a normal human,” Tobio says and goes back to reading his textbook.

“Shut up,” Kei mutters and sits down at his desk. He scrolls through his notifications and rubs his eyes. “I don’t think Tadashi’s had many friends.”

“And you’re happy about that?” Tobio asks. 

“No, you idiot. I’m just happy he’s happy that he has us now.”

Tobio hums and Kei frowns. “What?” Kei demands.

“Nothing,” Tobio says. “It’s cute that you’ve attached to him.”

“I am not attached,” Kei scoffs and grabs his shower caddy. “I’m gonna shower.”

“Don’t waste the water,” Tobio says. Kei frowns in confusion for a minute. Then Tobio’s double meaning hits him and he flips off his roommate.

“Fuck you.”

Kei unlocks the shower room door and slips in. He goes to his favorite stall and hangs his caddy up and starts stripping. He gets his shampoo and conditioner and body soap and starts the water.

His mind wanders to Tadashi while he stands in the water. He can’t get how he behaved at dinner last night out of his head. He’d glance at people walking past him out of the corner of his eye with tense shoulders. He ate so slowly and kept putting an arm up around his plate like he was trying to hide it. Shoyo obviously knew what was going on.

Not feeling safe in a dining hall feels more serious than just social anxiety, but Kei doesn’t know what it means.

He washes off but still feels plagued by his questions he knows he can’t ask Tadashi to answer yet.

Kei finds Kotaro in the back of the lecture hall the next day and sits next to him. Kotaro looks up with his owl eyes and sends Kei a smile.

“You think these little idiots are ready for the exam Monday?” He asks.

“Better be, I don’t wanna give them bad grades,” Kei mutters. 

“Hey,” Kotaro nudges Kei and points towards the front of the classroom. “That Tadashi kid is doing a lot better on assignments and discussion activities. You’re really helping him.”

Kei just nods and tries to ignore all the pride in both himself and Tadashi that swells in his chest at Kotaro’s words.

The professor starts explaining the study guide and opens the floor up for questions that people have and concepts they want him to explain. A hand towards the front gets raised and a timid voice asks if the professor can explain black bodies and Kei’s heart almost leaps in his chest when he hears the professor’s words.

“Yes, thanks for asking, Tadashi-”

Kotaro elbows Kei’s arm and leans over. “He’s asking questions more now, too. I don’t know what magic you worked on him but… good job.”

“Thanks,” Kei murmurs while he watches the professor draw on the board. He finishes explaining and moves on to another student’s question.

Kei’s so filled with pride he almost misses the flash of someone running past him. Kotaro tugs on his sleeve.

“That was him,” he says.

“Fuck,” Kei mutters and gets up and follows Tadashi out of the lecture hall. He finds the other boy leaning against the wall with his hood over his head and breathing heavily.

“What’s wrong, Tadashi?” Kei asks and crosses his arms over his chest.

Tadashi takes a shaky inhale and shakes his head. “I’m an idiot,” he whispers.

“What are you talking about? Because you didn’t totally understand black bodies?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods.

“The...The guy next to me sa-said that those...are easy.”

“For him. Just because they don’t come easily to you doesn’t make you stupid,” Kei snaps. Tadashi flinches and wipes his eyes.

“I’m so tired of this…” Tadashi whispers.

“Of what?” Kei says.

Tadashi’s lip trembles and some tears fall down his cheeks. “Pe-People being mean to me.”

Kei’s heart shatters. “People have been mean to you here?”

“Not other than him,” Tadashi says. “B-But in high school...and middle school...and elementary.”

“Bullies?” Kei asks quietly. Tadashi nods and Kei hates how things start falling into place.

Of course he’s anxious in large settings full of people. Of course he was shaking and scared as fuck when they first met. Kei sticks his arms out and looks away.

“What are you doing?” Tadashi asks. Kei grinds his teeth and flaps his hands towards his body.

“It’s a hug. If you want to,” he says stiffly.

Tadashi hesitates for a second, then steps in between Kei’s arms and wraps his own around Kei’s torso. Kei brings his arms in and holds the smaller boy against him. He pretends not to notice how the collar of his shirt starts to feel warm and wet and he gives Tadashi a squeeze.

“Come back to lecture. You can sit with me and Kotaro,” Kei whispers. Tadashi steps away and wipes his eyes.

“Okay,” he whispers and Kei turns back to the doors. He opens them as quietly as he can and brings Tadashi over to his row in the back.

Bokuto leans over the table and sends Tadashi a wild grin. “What’s good, Tadashi,” he says.

“Ignore him,” Kei says. “Just pay attention to the prof.”

“You wound me, Tsukishima,” Kotaro says dramatically and sits back down. Tadashi starts taking notes again and Kei watches his nimble fingers dart across the page with his pencil in hand.

“Come sit here from now on,” Kei says and Tadashi looks up at him. “I’ll handle the professor if he yells at you.”

“Really?” Tadashi asks with wide eyes. Kei nods. 

“Yes. Now shut up and listen to the review,” he says with a smile. Tadashi snorts and goes back to watching the professor.

The lecture drones on a little more and then a piece of paper pokes Kei’s elbow. He glances over at Kotaro who nods down to the paper. Kei picks it up and unfolds it. He immediately flips Bokuto off.

_ Simp. _


	3. Staccato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is there an empty piano room?”  
>  Kiyoko startles and points down the hall. “Uh, yeah. Five should be free. Can I get your name and how long you’ll be here?”  
>  “Tadashi and I don’t fucking know, a while? They’re soundproof right?”  
>  “Yes but-”  
>  “Thanks,” 
> 
> In which parents are shitty and Kei is aggressive with caring for people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bitty trigger warning for emotional abuse here. This one's a little shorter but I had a lot of fun writing it.

Tadashi is so engrossed in his astronomy textbook he doesn’t notice Shoyo get closer and closer to his face with a wide grin and eyes.

“Hey, Tadashi,” he says and Tadashi jumps into the wall with a half-aborted yelp.

“Fucking hell, Shoyo,” he mutters and grips the front of his shirt as he tries to get his breath under control again.

“I was just wondering if you’d noticed the time,” Shoyo says and glances at the alarm clock.

12:30

“Yeah, I see it,” Tadashi says and rubs his eye.

“You said you were going to go to bed early tonight,” Shoyo says pointedly. “Because you have an exam tomorrow.”

Tadashi glares at Shoyo, who blinks back at him with wide eyes. Shoyo looks between Tadashi and his pillow over and over. Tadashi’s ready to protest that he needs to study more, but the excuses die on his tongue.

“Fine,” Tadashi says and drops his study materials on his desk. Shoyo flops onto his bed and turns the lights off. Tadashi crawls under his comforter and puts his earbuds in. Some Christmas song he doesn’t know the name of starts playing and he winces against the phantom smells of cinnamon, caramel, and almond.

He can’t think about that right now. Not when he needs to sleep. Not when he has an exam in the morning.

The memories flow through him and he wipes his eyes. Tadashi clutches the iPod to his chest and sobs as quietly as he can.

_ “Music is just notes floating in space, baby. But in the right hands, it can be magic.” _

He felt the magic so strongly before coming here. Why is it slipping from his grasp faster than he can try to snatch it back?

He’s just tired. He’s tired and lonely and miserable. He’s done nothing but cry all week and try to wrap his stupid head around things he’s not smart enough to understand. Kei’s been helping but…

Tadashi’s drowning and he’s ready to let the water swallow him whole.

His morning alarm goes off and he turns it off without looking at his phone. He stares at the popcorn ceiling and debates not going to class. Not taking his exam.

But Kei would know. He doesn’t want to disappoint his only other friend.

He staggers out of bed and pulls on a pair of pants, packs his backpack, and leaves the dorm without saying a word to Shoyo.

“You can’t sit here with me during an exam,” Kei says when Tadashi tries to sit next to him in the back of the lecture hall. “I have to hand out the tests and the prof would think you’re cheating.”

“O-Oh. Right,” Tadashi says softly. Kotaro pats his shoulder.

“Just for this class. You can sit with your boyfriend on Wednesday,” he says. Tadashi’s breath catches and Kei glares at Kotaro.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kei says. Kotaro holds his hands up in surrender and makes a suspicious noise. “Tadashi,” Kei adds and he turns around. “Meet me at office hours after?” He asks. Tadashi nods and goes to find somewhere to sit. Thankfully, there’s a spot left against the wall and he rushes to take it. He sits down and sighs. Another TA with spiky black hair and side bangs hands Tadashi his test and he waits for the professor’s instructions.

His phone vibrates and he just remembers to turn it on silent mode but he still sees the notification.

**Dad:** _ How’s that music major going? _

Tadashi’s vision swims and his breathing picks up and then there’s a loud clap and the professor starts explaining the rules of the exam but all Tadashi can hear is a roaring in his ears and then suddenly everyone around him is writing. Tadashi looks down and opens his exam book with shaking hands and blurry eyes and a head full of his parents’ dismay.

He gets through less than half of the questions before his professor is holding his hand out for his exam.

“I-I didn’t finish,” Tadashi says. The professor raises his eyebrow.

“Too bad. Everyone else did. Your exam please,” he says. Tadashi looks down at his desk and bites his lip. “Mr. Yamaguchi. Your exam. Now.”

“Please-” Tadashi starts to say but then the packet of paper is ripped out of his hands and the professor walks away. Tadashi grabs his backpack and stands up on shaking legs. He shoves his phone in his pocket and all but runs to the music building.

He throws open the doors to the building and flies up the stairs and bursts through another door to the hall of practice rooms.

“Um, can I help you?” A girl with a name tag that says Kiyoko asks. Tadashi stands in front of the desk vibrating from head to toe and a ringing cell phone in his pocket and looks this girl dead in the eye and practically shouts,

“Is there an empty piano room?”

Kiyoko startles and points down the hall. “Uh, yeah. Five should be free. Can I get your name and how long you’ll be here?”

“Tadashi and I don’t fucking know, a while? They’re soundproof right?”

“Yes but-”

“Thanks,” Tadashi chokes out and runs down the hall. He almost bolds past room five and he slams the door shut. There’s a music stand, an ugly couch that looks like it’s made of cardboard, a shelf of metronomes, and a dark brown piano against the wall. Tadashi’s eyes well up with tears and then he can feel them falling down his face and he throws his backpack onto the couch. His phone starts ringing again and he growls. He holds the power button down and slides the little digital switch that pops up to power off the device and he throws it in the same direction of his backpack. He tears his sweater off and falls onto the piano bench. He’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s sobbing violently but he just starts playing some ballad he learned when he was fifteen and the notes vibrate in his skull. His hands move on their own accord and he feels his body swaying and jerking with the tempo. The piece starts crescendoing and as the notes and chords get louder and louder, Tadashi feels a guttural scream rip out of his body.

He screams until the piece ends and he slumps against the instrument and falls down to the floor between the bench and the pedals. He wraps his arms around his stomach and screams through another sob. His body bows forward and his forehead presses down on the middle pedal. 

“-in there,” someone says distantly. There are footsteps steadily moving towards him and then there’s a gentle hand on his back.

“Tadashi?” Kei’s voice murmurs from behind him. Tadashi lifts his head and looks over his shoulder at the blonde boy. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Tadashi sobs brokenly for a minute before falling against the piano again. “I didn’t finish.”

“You didn’t finish what?” Kei asks but Tadashi just sends him a look and realization washes over Kei’s face. “How far did you get?”

“I-I don’t know. I...I could think straight and I can’t remember anything I did!” Tadashi shouts and curls into the corner of the piano.

“It’s just a test, Tadashi. There are three more this semester.”

“I’ll just fail them, too!” Tadashi screams. “I remembered her last night and then he texted me and I couldn’t...I panicked and I couldn’t do it!”

“What are you talking about?” Kei asks exasperatedly. Tadashi shakes his head and wishes he was brave enough to bring his iPod around with him more often. Kei bites his lip and curses. Then he stands up and holds a hand out.

“Come on. Let's go for a drive.”

Tadashi takes a small crawl forward then stops. “You...You’re office hours.”

“You’re the only one who comes anyway and if anyone shows up they can deal with Bokuto. Come on.” Tadashi crawls out from under the piano and takes Kei’s hand.

“Where are we going?” Tadashi asks. Kei shrugs.

“Wherever my car feels like taking us.”

Campus disappears behind a hill as Kei drives further and further down the highway. There’s some soft Spanish guitar music playing on the radio and Kei turns the volume down a little.

“Who texted you? You said ‘he’ texted you. Is it someone dangerous?”

“No!” Tadashi says quickly and maybe a little too loudly. “It’s not someone dangerous. It...It was my dad.” Kei frowns at the road.

“Your dad sent you a message so upsetting it sent you into a panic attack?” He asks. “What the fuck did he say to you?”

“Um…” Tadashi trails off. “He...He asked me how the music major was going.”

Kei sends Tadashi a look. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“I...The thing is...my parents don’t approve of me studying piano. They...They don’t get why I’d spend their time and money on something useless like music.”

“Have they said that to you?” Kei asks.

Tadashi nods. “They say I’m not good at anything but I should have taken this opportunity to find something I could do for a career. But instead, I’m wasting it on piano.”

“Fuck,” Kei mutters. “I know where we’re going, now.”

“I guess they aren’t wrong, really,” Tadashi says softly. “I’ve hardly gotten to play because I’ve been swamped with every other fucking class I’m taking.”

“They have no right to say that shit to you,” Kei snarls and makes a hard turn into a Walgreens parking lot. “It’s fucked up and cruel.”

Tadashi doesn’t say anything but unbuckles his seat belt when Kei does.

“Apparently some of Shoyo’s friends do this when they’re upset,” Kei says as they walk into the store. “They come to Walgreens and get Squishmallows.”

Tadashi frowns and wrings his hands together. “Wh-Who does this?”

“Probably Yuu and Asahi,” Kei mutters. “Those two idiots have almost as much anxiety as you do.” Tadashi snickers at that and lets Kei grab his wrist and pull him down the aisles until they find the one lined with little gumdrop-looking stuffed animals. “Alright. Pick one,” Kei demands and nudges Tadashi towards the shelf. A blue cow with a little green and white bandana catches his eye and he reaches a hand towards it but then retracts his hand.

“I...I shouldn’t.”

“Asahi says they make ‘the pain go away’ so take the cow,” Kei says and all but throws the soft pillowy animal into Tadashi’s arms.

“But-”

“I swear to God if you say something about your parents’ not letting you have any stuffed animals as an adult, I will kill you and buy the fucking cow for you myself.”

Tadashi stares at his feet and hugs the cow closer to him.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Kei says and takes the cow from Tadashi’s hands. “Well, now it’s a gift.”

“Kei, don’t!” Tadashi calls out and trails after the other boy.

“Please, I know how you fucking sleep-”

“What?”

“Shoyo told Tobio and Tobio told me you like to cuddle a pillow when you sleep so now you can have a cute stuffed cow you like. That I bought you. It’s a gift.”

“No that’ll make it worse!” Tadashi says without really meaning to. Kei freezes and whips around.

“What do you mean ‘that’ll make it worse?’” He asks. Tadashi pulls on his fingers and looks away.

“I...I had a bunch of stuffed animals when I was a kid. Most of them...were gifts…” Tadashi says and shrinks away from Kei’s angry glare. “My-My mom threw them all away when I turned eleven. Something about how I was...too old for them now and it was time to grow up.”

“Who gave them to you?”

“Most of them were from my grandparents…” Tadashi stops to breathe for a second before continuing. “I think my elementary teacher gave me one or two when I… when I got too sad in her classroom.”

“So you had strong emotional attachments to them?” Kei says. Tadashi shrugs. He doesn’t mention that he cried for days when he went to a barren bed and had nothing to hug and cry into and tell about his day at school.

Kei doesn’t say anything but walks away from Tadashi and goes to the register. Tadashi doesn’t really hear their interaction. Or really process anything until Kei is standing in front of him with the cow in a plastic bag. Tadashi reaches a hand out and takes the bag.

“Its name is Belana,” Kei says.

“Thank you,” Tadashi whispers and follows Kei back to the car.

“You’re allowed to have comfort items as an adult. You were entitled to keep those gifts from when you were a kid.”

Tadashi takes Belana out of the bag and holds her close. “Your parents’ didn’t do that?” Tadashi asks. Kei sputters and starts the car.

“No, they didn’t take my favorite toys when I was fucking child or tell me I’m not good at anything so college is a last-ditch effort to find something to do with myself or that things I love don’t have value!” Kei’s voice booms in the car and he slaps the steering wheel. “Fuck, Tadashi. That’s not normal! That’s...That’s abuse.”

Tadashi squeezes Belana and shakes his head. “No it’s not,” he says. “They...They never hit me or anything.”

“They don’t have to hit you for it to be abuse, Tadashi,” Kei says. He takes another hard turn and pulls into a McDonald’s drive-thru. “If they made you feel like...like  _ this _ then they abused you. Fuck, your dad sends you one text and you can’t think straight. You’re clearly at least a little afraid of him!”

Tadashi looks down at his cow and bites his lip while Kei orders two vanilla milkshakes.

They’re silent until they pull into Tadashi’s dorm building parking lot. Tadashi listens to Kei unbuckle his seat belt but he stays still. He looks at Belana’s black eyes and starts shaking.

“I hate them,” he spits. Kei stops moving and Tadashi feels a hand on his shoulder. Tadashi takes a shaky inhale and tears roll down his cheeks. “I fucking hate them.” He says louder.

“Scream it,” Kei says. “Scream it so they can hear it.”

“I hate them!” Tadashi shouts.

“Louder!” Kei shouts back.

“I hate them!” Tadashi screams.

“Louder! Make them hear it!”

“I fucking hate them!” Tadashi screeches at the top of his lungs and then buries his face in Belana. “I hate them! I hate them!”

Kei pulls him into an awkward side hug and pats his arm. “So piss them off. Play piano. Major in music. Buy yourself stuffed animals. Piss. Them. Off. You deserve it and they don’t deserve you.”

Tadashi sighs and looks up from Belana. “Can...Can you stay here tonight?”

“You have a futon?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods.

“I-I think Shoyo said he’ll be at Tobio’s tonight.”

“Okay. Do you guys have any more classes today? It’s only two.”

“I…” Tadashi trails off. “I can’t go. Not today.”

“Fair enough,” Kei says and gets out of the car. Tadashi follows him and lets him into the building and the elevator. Tadashi leads them down the hall, suddenly exhausted, and paws at his doorknob. The door opens and Shoyo looks up from his desk.

“Tadashi? Is everything okay?”

“No,” Kei says. Tadashi just crawls onto his bed and hugs Belana. “Do you mind if I watch some lectures?”

Tadashi shakes his head and takes his phone out of his pocket. He turns it on again and waits for some notifications to stop pinging before he picks it up. His dad sent another message.

**Dad:** _ Stop taking things so seriously, Tadashi. Have you found anything that interests you? _

**Mom:** _ Stop ignoring us, we raised you better than that. _

**Mom:** Attachment file.  _ We told you musicians don’t make money. Yikes. _

Missed Call:  **Kei**

Missed Call:  **Kei**

Missed Call:  **Kei**

**Kei:** _ Are you still coming? _

**Kei:** _ Tadashi? Where are you? _

**Kei:** _ I’m coming to find you. Worried. _

Tadashi sighs and puts his phone down. His toes brush Kei’s legs and he shuts his eyes. “I hate them,” he mumbles again.

“I know,” Kei says. “You’re allowed to hate them.”

“Hate who?” Shoyo asks.

If Kei explains to his roommate what happened, Tadashi doesn’t hear it. He lets himself fall asleep.

It’s the easiest he’s slept in a long time, with Belana in his arms. 


	4. Comet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Want to come to my volleyball match today?” Tobio asks while he and Kei get ready for school a couple days later. “We’re actually pretty good.”  
>  “Depends. What time and who are you playing against?” Kei asks.   
>  “Seven and Toru’s team.”  
>  “You’re playing against our RA?”  
>  Tobio huffs a laugh and pulls on his shoes. “So you coming or what?”
> 
> Some volleyball and more bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little late but work and school got to be a lot yesterday so here I am now.  
> I don't think there are any necessary TWs here but I did add autistic Kenma. Because this is my au and I get to do whatever I want. I'll add it to the tags too!  
> Enjoy!

“Want to come to my volleyball match today?” Tobio asks while he and Kei get ready for school a couple of days later. “We’re actually pretty good.”

“Depends. What time and who are you playing against?” Kei asks. 

“Seven and Toru’s team.”

“You’re playing against our RA?”

Tobio huffs a laugh and pulls on his shoes. “So you coming or what?” Kei puts his glasses on and sighs. 

“Fine. Just because I want to see how Shoyo plays when he’s only two feet tall,” Kei says and swings his backpack on.

“Hey, he can jump higher than any of us.”

“He’d have to, right?”

“Shut up!” Tobio snaps and Kei shuts the door and walks down the hall. He presses the elevator button and his phone buzzes.

**Tadashi:** _ Should I even go to lecture today if we’re just going over the test answers? _

Kei stares at his phone in shock for a couple of seconds and gets in the elevator. According to Shoyo, Tadashi never texts first. Kei shakes his head and starts typing.

**Me:** _ Yes, you should. Prof will explain each answer, it’ll be good practice for you. Take notes on them and bring any you don’t understand to my office hours. _

Kei slips his phone back in his pocket and gets off the elevator. His phone buzzes again but he doesn’t look at it. He just watches campus go by in the bus until he’s at his lecture hall. His phone buzzes again and this time he does look at it.

**Tobio:** _ If you needed more encouragement to come, Shoyo says Tadashi’s coming _

**Tadashi:** _ Okay. Thanks, sorry to bother you. _

Kei rolls his eyes at Tobio’s message, even though he feels a smile tug on the corners of his lips.

**Me:** _ I’ll be there. _

Kei sees Tobio send him a smirking emoji and rolls his eyes again. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he can feel a little excitement flutter in his gut at the idea of spending time with Tadashi that doesn’t involve homework or talking about trauma.

“Before we start going over the exam answers, our TAs and I are going to hand your tests back to you,” the Professor says. Kei stands up to start distributing exams and sees Tadashi start shaking. He puts his hand on his shoulder and Tadashi looks up at him with watery eyes. 

“It’s okay. It’s over and done with,” Kei says. “You’ll do better on the next one.”

Tadashi nods but looks unconvinced. Kei waddles through the row to start handing the exams back. He has a small stack so he can make it back to Tadashi pretty quickly.

Kei finishes handing out his tests and climbs the stairs back to his row. His eyes narrow when he sees the professor hand Tadashi his exam back with a glare and says,

“Come see me after the lecture.”

Tadashi nods and looks close to tears. Kei sits down next to him and glances at the other boy.

“Do you need to step out?” He asks. Tadashi shakes his head too many times and sticks his exam in his backpack. “You don’t even want to look at it?”

“I failed, what’s the point?” Tadashi says.

“You might have got some right. Plus you’ll want it to take notes,” Kei says. Tadashi pulls it back out and slams it on Kei’s desk.

“You look at it. I don’t want to until I have to.”

Kei sighs and opens up Tadashi’s exam. His eyes get wider and wider the more he pages through it. “You only answered the first twenty-one questions,” Kei murmurs.

“Yeah, and there are sixty questions. I already know I failed, Kei, you don’t have to-”

“You got them all right.”

Tadashi lifts his head and Kotaro whistles. “Damn, Tadashi! You failed spectacularly!” Kei elbows him and hands Tadashi his exam back.

“I-It’s still only thirty-five percent,” Tadashi murmurs.

“Yeah, but would you have been able to answer twenty-one astronomy questions correctly two weeks ago?” Kotaro says. Tadashi blushes and opens up his exam as the professor starts talking. Kei listens but he keeps glancing over at Tadashi’s hands stuttering across his exam. He wonders how his fingers grew like that; long and elegant and slightly arched. He imagines how they look on piano keys. Do they move quickly or slowly? With purpose? He doesn’t really know what goes into playing the piano.

All he knows is that there’s a new adjective blooming in his mind to describe the other boy’s hands.

Beautiful.

Kei shakes his head and looks back at the professor. He has to pay attention. His actual students need him to listen so he can help them, too.

But his head keeps turning to the side. This time to watch Tadashi’s freckles. If Kei focuses hard enough, he can see little constellations in them. Hercules. Pisces. Vulpecula. Even Orion. His eyes drift down Tadashi’s arms and he’s surprised he never noticed that the freckles continue down them. They’re more spread out but there are some clusters that look like tiny nebulas.

There’s a tiny tap on Kei’s elbow and he looks down to find Kotaro poking him with a small piece of paper. Kei picks it up and unfolds it.

_ And just like that...you caught feelings _

“I’m going to kill you,” Kei hisses at Kotaro.

“Don’t shoot the messenger,” Kotaro whispers back. Kei grinds his teeth and forces himself to listen to the professor.

The lecture finishes up and everyone starts filing out. Tadashi packs his backpack and starts breathing heavily. Kei taps his arm.

“You can wait for everyone to leave before talking to him.”

“I-I will,” Tadashi says. He chews on his lip, his finger pushing the skin between his teeth. Kei sighs and stands up. 

“Want me to wait for you?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “I-I’ll see you later.”

Kei nods and walks off. Kotaro smirks at him and whispers the word  _ simp _ to him. Kei punches his arm and heads to the library.

Tadashi walks into his office sniffling. His eyes are red and his cheeks flushed making him look like a strawberry.

Fuck. He’s adorable.

“What did the professor say,” Kei asks with the blankest expression he can muster. He can’t let Tadashi know he’s angry. Angry that that man made him cry.

“Um, he said if I get another grade like that I’ll get kicked out of the class. And that I acted like a child trying to keep my test from him. And that he had half a mind to email my parents.”

Kei’s stomach goes cold. “He didn’t, right?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “No. He didn’t. He...He also said that it’s clear I’ve been getting help but he doesn’t understand how I failed so badly. Or why I just sat there for more than half the exam time not doing anything.”

Kei cringes internally. He hadn’t noticed that. He wasn’t sure if anyone did. Not like any student could have done anything without getting in trouble.

“Did you tell him what happened?” Kei asks. Tadashi shakes his head again.

“My astronomy professor doesn’t need to know my dad’s an asshole.”

Kei huffs a laugh and shuts his laptop. “I guess that’s fair.”

Tadashi smiles shyly and then takes out his exam. “There...were only tw-two I didn’t understand when he explained them.”

Kei nods and leans forward to help.

More anger boils in his gut as he explains the two problems. If his dad hadn’t texted, Tadashi probably would have done amazing. He got twenty-one problems done correctly in the middle of a panic attack. He’s clearly brilliant.

Kei wishes he knew that.

And now the tests and material are going to get harder and harder. Tadashi might not do this well on only a fraction of an exam again. 

They finish the two problems and Tadashi packs up. 

“Uh, I guess I’ll see you at the volleyball game tonight.”

“You know I’m going to that?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods.

“Shoyo told me. Do...Do you not want me to go?” Tadashi asks. Kei puts his headphones on and raises an eyebrow. 

“Why would I tell you not to come?”

“I...I’m annoying? And you already spend every morning with me?” Tadashi says. His eyes are so sincere it hurts. There’s not a doubt in that boy’s mind that he’s a burden and annoying. Kei hates that but he doesn’t show Tadashi what he’s thinking. 

Kei rolls his eyes. 

“You’re not annoying. I’ll see you there.”

“O-Okay,” Tadashi says and then darts out of the room. Kei opens his laptop again and sends his discussion section a message about the lesson plan for the week.

No one else comes to his hours and then he gets a text from Kotaro.

**Bokuto:** _ Come have lunch with Kuroo and me. You’re done with office hours, right? _

Kei types a reply and heads to the dining hall. Kotaro’s annoying but he made it his mission last year to be Kei’s friend and eventually, Kei stopped resisting. Kotaro is a good friend at least. He’s funny and has gotten a couple of laughs out of Kei. Now he’s glad he has him. Kei regrets the way he treated Kotaro at first sometimes. He was so cold and distant.

When he first got to college he didn’t see a point in making friends. He was here for a degree. But Tobio, Kotaro, Kuroo, even Toru, and now Shoyo managed to wiggle their ways into his heart.

So has Tadashi but he doesn’t want to think too hard about that. 

Kei gets his food and finds Kotaro and Kuroo pretty easily. With their spiky hair, they’re pretty impossible to miss. Someone’s sitting on Kuroo’s lap, playing with a Nintendo Switch. Kei sighs and sits next to Kotaro. 

“I thought it was just the three of us,” Kei says. Kuroo chuckles and wraps his arms around the boy on his lap. Who does not look up.

“But look at how cute he is,” Kuroo argues. Kei glances at Bokuto, who shrugs. 

“Does it matter?”

“No.”

“Then shut up,” Kotaro says and takes one of Kei’s fries. “Besides, I’ll bet by the end of the semester you’re going to bring Tadashi with you.”

“I will end you.”

“Ooh, who’s Tadashi,” Kuroo asks.

“Just a freshman in Intro to Astronomy Kei’s falling for,” Kotaro says. Kei growls and takes a bite of his salad.

“And Shoyo’s roommate,” the boy in Kuroo’s lap says in a low voice.

“Who are you?” Kei asks. The boy looks up from his switch and stares at Kei with half-lidded eyes.

“Kenma,” is all he says and then looks back down at his game.

“Kuroo’s boyfriend,” Kotaro says. Kei huffs and goes back to eating. He lets the conversation wash over him and he sometimes looks up at Kuroo. He keeps pulling Kenma closer and leaving little kisses on his neck. 

Kei wonders if Tadashi’s neck has freckles on it. 

“Thanks for driving me,” Tobio says as Kei pulls into the parking lot. He shrugs and unbuckles.

“I mean, I might as well have. I’m staying to watch.”

Tobio laughs and shakes his head. “Whatever, man. Anyway, this should be fun for you. You barely leave the dorm.”

Kei opens his mouth to protest but Tobio’s already out of the car. Kei gets out and follows his friend into the gym. Eleven people are already there, including Toru and Shoyo. Kenma and Tadashi are sitting on the bleachers, talking quietly.

“Kageyama!” A tiny boy with bleached bits in the front screams and launches himself at Tobio. Yuu Nishinoya has never been known for being quiet. His boyfriend, Asahi, runs over like a worried mother when Tobio hits the floor. Koushi shakes his head with his face in his hands and Daichi pats his shoulder.

“Don’t kill your setter before the game even starts, moron!” Toru calls from the other side of the court. Other than Kuroo and Kotaro, Kei doesn’t recognize the other three guys on his RA’s side. Tadashi looks up and smiles when he sees him. Kei waves and climbs the bleachers to sit next to him.

“I didn’t realize all the astronomy TAs play volleyball,” Tadashi says. Kei snorts. “Do you play?”

Kei shakes his head. “I did in middle school and high school but then I quit.”

“How come?” Tadashi asks. Kei shrugs.

“I’d injured my hand a lot while I played. After high school, I figured it was time to give my body a break.”

“Fair enough,” Kenma says from Tadashi’s other side. “Tadashi said he used to play, too, but that I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

Tadashi blushes and Kei frowns. “But...you just-”

“It seemed stupid not to tell you. Secrets are dumb,” Kenma says. 

“I...I wasn’t good,” Tadashi says. “And I quit after only a year.”

“Why?” Kei asks.

Tadashi exhales shakily. “Some of the guys who were especially cruel to me were on the team and...I didn’t want to be around them anymore. Any more than I had to, anyway.”

Kei’s heart shatters and he watches the boys warm up. “Did you like it?”

“I don’t know,” Tadashi says. “I didn’t enjoy being on the team so I don’t think I had a fair chance to find out if I liked it. I don’t miss it.”

Kei nods and watches a boy slap Toru’s ass. Toru blushes and smiles and pushes the boy back. 

“Hajime,” he scolds playfully. 

“Get a fucking room!” Daichi calls over.

“Of course you don’t miss it,” Kei mutters. “Did you ever practice by yourself?”

“No,” Tadashi says. “After school, I never really had the energy to do anything other than-” he cuts himself off.

“Other than what?” Kei asks, looking over his shoulder. Tadashi shakes his head and looks down at his lap.

“Okay, Asahi, you got first serve!” Toru calls. Kei watches Asahi throw the ball up in the air and smack it over the net. Kuroo shouts that it’s a chance ball or something and receives it with stiff arms.

As the game goes on Kei, Tadashi and Kenma start getting more animated and a little cheering war starts between the three of them for a little while before Kenma has to ask them to stop.

Shoyo is incredible. He can jump higher than probably two Tobios and hits with a kind of power Kei wasn’t sure existed in such a tiny body. Kuroo sends Kenma winks and blows him kisses from the court. Kenma blushes and gives tiny cheers every time Kuroo hits the ball.

The end is bittersweet. Tobio’s side wins and Tadashi hollers with joy in support of his roommate. Kei watches him laugh and smile and realizes that yes.

Tadashi does miss volleyball. 

He probably would have loved it if he hadn’t been bullied off the team.

He probably would have been really good if he hadn’t been bullied off the team. 

It makes a sickening sadness grow in Kei’s heart. He’s only known Tadashi for a week or two and he’s already learned how much was stolen from his childhood. 

Comfort items.

A sport.

Mental health.

Self-esteem.

Kei’s terrified of the ever-growing desire to keep the other boy from losing anything else.

Tobio approaches Kei after the game and tells him he’s getting a ride with Kotaro and Toru. Shoyo goes with him and Kenma leaves with Kuroo and then it’s just Kei and Tadashi standing in the gym.

“Want a ride home?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and grabs his backpack. They walk out to Kei’s car in relative silence. Then Kei says, “I’m sorry Kenma kind of outed you to me today.”

Tadashi shrugs. “It’s fine. I don’t think he can always help it.”

“Still. You clearly didn’t want me to know that about you.”

They climb into the car and Kei starts the engine. Tadashi sighs and leans his head back against the seat.

“I think I’m still in that phase where I barely want anyone to ever know anything about me. I-I’m scared I’ll-”

“You’ll get teased about it?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods. “I don’t think college kids are going to be that cruel to you.”

“You don’t know what they did to me,” Tadashi whispers. Kei’s blood goes cold and he doesn’t have the courage to ask the other boy to follow that up with an explanation.

They ride in silence until they’re at Tadashi’s dorm. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kei says. Tadashi nods and slides out of the car. “You should keep coming to the games. You looked happy.” 

Tadashi smiles and looks up at Kei. “If you come, too.”

“I will,” Kei says and he means it. Tadashi smiles again and slams the door shut. Kei watches him get inside his dorm and then pulls out of the parking lot.

He thinks about the notes Kotaro slipped him today and grinds his teeth.

“Goddamn it, Bokuto,” he mutters.

He hates it when Kotaro’s right.


	5. Fortepiano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “Halloween party at Kappa Sigma on Saturday! Starts at ten! Wear a costume or don’t I don’t give a fuck!”  
>  “You’re a horrible spokesman,” Kuroo says and comes over to Kenma. Kenma puts his game down and leans into him. Kuroo wraps his arms around Kenma and kisses the top of his head. Tadashi squirms at the warm and fuzzy feeling he gets from watching them and finds himself looking over at Kei.  
>  He quickly banishes the thought. Kei would never, could never, think of Tadashi like that.  
>  “Fuck you, Kuroo and if I don’t see all you motherfuckers there I will personally dunk you into the Karasuno Hall deep fryer!”
> 
> Time skip and Halloween party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, so, I got a little carried away here. TW for references to bullying and an attempted sexual assault. It's not graphic and it's quickly thwarted but take care of yourselves. I'll add it to the tags, too.  
> Enjoy!

The weeks pass. The leaves start changing color and things start looking brighter and feeling lighter. Tadashi keeps working with Kei and slowly improves after every session. Kotaro keeps him for a second after discussion one day and gives him a big smile.

“You’re doing a lot better, are sessions with Kei going well?”

Tadashi nods and pulls on his fingers. “I-I mean, I meet with him every day. I...If I didn’t I probably would have gotten kicked out by now.”

Kotaro raises an eyebrow. “You’re going to the volleyball game tonight?” Tadashi nods again. Kotaro glances at the clock and breathes through his teeth. “Walk with me, we should make it just in time.”

“O-Okay,” Tadashi says and wraps his arms around his churning stomach. Kotaro swings his backpack on his shoulder and they head out of the classroom. 

“Kei told me what Professor Ito said to you. I’m sorry he yelled at you,” Kotaro says. Tadashi shrugs.

“I probably deserved it.”

“You didn’t deserve to get called childish. Or have him imply that you’re stupid,” Kotaro says and opens up the door to the building. Tadashi slips through and shivers against the late October air.

“Maybe,” he murmurs. Kotaro shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and starts walking. Tadashi scurries to catch up with him.

“You’re not gonna get another test score like that. Besides, everyone fails a college test at some point. If it makes you feel any better, I failed my first three math tests.”

Tadashi chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “I...I guess that helps.”

“Everyone freezes up on an exam at least once. It’s part of the college experience.”

Tadashi doesn’t mention that he wouldn’t have frozen up if his dad hadn’t texted him. He might not have failed if…

“Thanks, Bokuto.”

Kotaro ruffles his hair. “You’re alright, Tadashi.” Tadashi smiles and loosens his grip on his stomach. He doesn’t remember the last time someone was this gentle to him.

Sneakers squeak on the gym floor and Kotaro runs off to his team. Kenma and Kei are sitting on the bleachers and Tadashi hurries to sit next to Kei.

“You came here with Bokuto?” Kei says. Tadashi’s stomach clenches and his heart pounds in his ears.

“Um, I had his discussion s-section before this,” Tadashi says to his feet. Kei hums and watches his friends warm up.

“He thinks you’re mad at him, I think,” Kenma says without looking up from his game of Animal Crossing. Kei frowns at Kenma and then glances at Tadashi. His expression softens and he sighs.

“I was just curious. Everything’s fine,” Kei says. Tadashi exhales and brings his legs up to sit cross-legged on the bleacher. 

“He just...wanted to talk to me.”

“Everything’s fine, Tadashi. I’m not mad,” Kei says. Tadashi nods and watches Shoyo jump to spike the ball. His palm stings in memory. He really wasn’t that good at volleyball. He had a good serve but that was about it.

Sometimes when he was on the court he could forget about the events of the day. Sometimes he could forget he was just on display for the bigger, popular kids. The ball hurt his hands and his arms but it was a welcome pain. A different pain. A pain he allowed. A pain he could control. 

A pain that didn’t last.

Until a ball purposely hit him in the face or stomach or the back of the head.

Until they got sent to the locker room and he had to hide in the toilet stall and wait for the others to leave.

Until the thin metal door would fly open and his lungs would fill with dirty toilet water. 

Until shoes were hitting his body and his clothes were tossed in the trash.

Then he’d remember. He’d remember and the spell would break.

Maybe he lied to Kei. Maybe he does miss it. He misses the spell. 

A hand lands on his arm and he jumps in his skin. Kei’s eyes go wide and then soften. “Are you okay?” He asks. Tadashi nods and rubs his arms. 

“Just thinking,” he whispers. Kei keeps looking at him like he’s waiting for him to say something but Tadashi just shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Kei drops his hand and turns back to watch the game.

“You do miss it, huh?” He says.

Tadashi lets his gaze fall on his shoes again. “I miss what it could have been.”

Kei looks at him over his shoulder. 

“I miss what it was supposed to be.”

Kotaro’s side wins and as everyone’s packing up Hajime cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “Halloween party at Kappa Sigma on Saturday! Starts at ten! Wear a costume or don’t I don’t give a fuck!”

“You’re a horrible spokesman,” Kuroo says and comes over to Kenma. Kenma puts his game down and leans into him. Kuroo wraps his arms around Kenma and kisses the top of his head. Tadashi squirms at the warm and fuzzy feeling he gets from watching them and finds himself looking over at Kei.

He quickly banishes the thought. Kei would never, could never, think of Tadashi like that.

“Fuck you, Kuroo and if I don’t see all you motherfuckers there I will personally dunk you into the Karasuno Hall deep fryer!” Hajime yells, then grabs Toru’s ass and starts walking away. “Except Kenma! He gets sensory overload and therefore doesn’t have to go! But the rest of you have no excuse!”

Kenma chuckles into his boyfriend’s stomach and Kuroo grins. “You mind if I go, baby?” He asks.

Kenma shakes his head. “Can we still watch Coraline together?”

“I’ll stay sober and we can watch it when I get back,” Kuroo says. Kenma smiles.

“Okay.”

The two of them get up and walk off. Kenma waves at Kei and Tadashi and then it’s just them alone in the gym again. They sit in silence for a minute and then Kei sighs.

“Want to hit a ball a couple of times?”

Tadashi wrings his hands together and shakes his head. “I...I can’t really. I’ve tried since I quit and I panicked. I-I don’t think I can play anymore.”

Kei’s expression changes into something indiscernible and he nods. “Okay,” he says softly. “Want me to drive you home?”

“Yes, please,” Tadashi whispers. They stand up and head out of the gym and to the parking lot.

“Did...Did you get hurt? On the court?” Kei asks. Tadashi opens up the door to the passenger’s side and shrugs.

“Sometimes at practice they aimed the ball at my head or stomach,” he murmurs. “But I-I don’t think anything beyond that.”

_ Tadashi yowls in pain and falls down to his knees with his hands clenched around his groin. A hard, yellow, and blue ball bounces away from his body and he shuts his eyes against the roaring laughter surrounding him. _

_ “What’s wrong, Dirt Face? It’s just a volleyball.” _

_ There’s another smack and then another hard ball slams into Tadashi’s head like a battering ram. He curls up into a ball on the floor and raises his arms to protect his face. _

_ “Stop it!” _

_ “Coach said we needed target practice,” Kindaichi giggles and tosses the ball in the air and slaps it with his palm. It flies over the net and pommels into Tadashi’s side. _

_ “I’m your teammate!” _

_ “If you really think that, you’re dumber than I thought.” _

_ There’s another thwack and Tadashi prepares himself. _

“Hey!” Kei says loudly and snaps his fingers in front of Tadashi’s face. Tadashi flinches away and looks up at Kei’s concerned eyes. “Are you alright? You’ve been staring at nothing for like two minutes straight.”

“S-Sorry,” Tadashi mutters and sits upright. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

Tadashi nods and takes a deep breath. Kei leans back and starts the car. “Sorry if I brought any bad memories back up.”

“You didn’t,” Tadashi says. “I can’t always keep them at bay.” Kei winces and takes a turn. 

“You shouldn’t keep them repressed like that. It’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Tadashi murmurs. “I-I’m not ready to talk about them yet.” 

Kei nods to himself. “I guess that’s fair.”

Tadashi leans his head back and smiles. “Are you going to the Halloween party?” He asks. Kei grins. 

“Well, I don’t want to get dumped in a deep fryer.”

Tadashi laughs and Kei lets out a little chuckle. “Are you dressing up?” Tadashi says. Kei shrugs. 

“I have a feeling I’ll wind up dressed as something. Probably with Tobio if he’s not doing a couple thing with Shoyo. You?”

Tadashi shrugs. “I want to. I’ve never dressed up before.”

Kei frowns. “Never? Not even on your own?”

“I mean...I probably did as a child but I can’t remember any of them,” Tadashi says. Kei’s jaw clenches and Tadashi thinks he can hear his teeth grinding.

“Why did you never-”

“It’s not like I felt safe enough to go trick-or-treating,” Tadashi says. It’s a kind of horrible fact but Tadashi’s accepted it. He knew he wasn’t safe outside of his house. Even in his house, he felt like he was walking on eggshells. He’s never really known what it was like to feel secure somewhere. 

“I’m sorry,” Kei mutters. “I should have thought about that.”

“It’s fine,” Tadashi says. “I-”

“It’s not fine, but whatever,” Kei interrupts. Tadashi shuts his mouth and then Kei pulls into his dorm parking lot. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Tadashi says softly and slips out of the car.

“What do you mean you don’t know what you wanna dress up as?” Shoyo practically yells from his desk. Tadashi shrugs from his bed and picks at his finger.

“I-I haven’t dressed up since I was a kid. Wha-What are you going as?”

“Tobio is going as Mickey Mouse and I’m going as Minnie.”

“Are you gonna wear a pink skirt?” Tadashi teases. Shoyo flips him off.

“No, it’s a pair of shorts, idiot,” he laughs. Tadashi chuckles and rubs his eye. “What are you thinking?”

“I...I might have one idea.”

He’s wearing a new pair of black skinny jeans and a flowy black tank top. He has his own black combat boots now decorated with silver shaded wings he let Shoyo paint on. There are black feathery wings pinned to his shirt and Koushi steps away from him with liquid eyeliner in his hand. 

“Does...it look too...girly?” Tadashi asks. Koushi snorts and smiles at him.

“You look like a rock star,” he says with his soft, gentle voice. He picks up Shoyo’s mirror from his desk and hands it to Tadashi.

His eyes go wide when he sees the perfectly shaped winged liner stretching towards his eyebrow. “Whoa.”

“You like it?” Koushi asks. Tadashi nods and sets the mirror down.

“Thank you,” he says. Koushi beams at him.

“Happy to help,” he says. “Have a good time and stay safe. Don’t get too drunk!” He leaves the room and then Shoyo’s phone vibrates. 

“Tobio and Kei are here. Ready to go?” Shoyo asks. Tadashi shoves down a wave of self-consciousness and stands up.

Time for a crow to fly.

The pop music shakes the entire house and a kaleidoscope of lights turns the living room of the brick house into a dance floor. The kitchen counter is covered with bottles of beer, tequila, vodka, and rum. There’s a bowl of bright red liquid in the middle and smaller bowls of candy and snacks scattered around. Looking around, Tadashi can recognize some people. Kuroo, Kotaro, and Asahi are standing in a corner with red cups in their hands. Except for Kuroo who has a Coke bottle in his. In the living room, Toru and Hajime are dancing. Kei slides up to stand next to Tadashi and they watch Toru rub his skirt-clad ass against his boyfriend’s crotch.

“Wow,” Tadashi breathes. 

“That’s my RA,” Kei says with a chuckle. Tadashi laughs and Kei leads him to the kitchen. “You ever done a shot before?”

“I’ve never had alcohol before,” Tadashi shyly admits. Kei grins and pours him some rum in a tiny glass and adds some of the bright red liquid in the bowl to it. Kei pours himself a shot of straight vodka and hands Tadashi the mixed one.

“Cheers,” Kei says and knocks the drink back. Tadashi does what he does and a warm, itching burn runs down his throat and then settles in his stomach. He cringes but then laughs. “Good? Bad?”

“Hit me again,” Tadashi says. Kei laughs and pours him more. He takes another shot and feels his body go light and fluttery. His head is airy and the world feels a little closer.

He loves it.

Normally when he’s this close to the world it’s painful. But now it’s...fun. It’s fun and Kei is smiling and hands him another shot. Tadashi drinks it and giggles again.

“We should find our friends,” Tadashi says and his speech is fast but slurred and he laughs at how it sounds. Kei raises his eyebrows and chuckles.

“We should find our friends?” He asks. Tadashi nods and grabs Kei’s wrist. He pulls him through the house and they find Tobio and Shoyo dancing in the living room. Kei pulls his arm out of Tadashi’s grasp and smiles.

“You go dance, I’ll stay here.” 

Tadashi whines but goes over to his roommate.

They dance for a while until Shoyo drags them back to the kitchen. Tadashi knocks back four more shots and the world tilts a tiny bit. He mingles for a while with people he knows, yelling at each other with slurred words and stumbling steps.

Two more shots with Toru and Hajime and he’s lighter than air.

He’s back on the dance floor with Kei watching from somewhere, which is good because he suddenly doesn’t know anyone else. He glances over his shoulder at a couch against the wall and there’s a guy with side-parted short brown hair watching him. Tadashi thinks he smiles at him and then looks away. He keeps dancing, swinging his hips and arms in ways he never thought he could. Like he wasn’t allowed to or scared to because of what his peers would think.

But they’re gone. He escaped and he’s here and drunk and happy.

Maybe it’s another spell. But it’s one he’s really happy to be under. Tadashi thinks about that and then giggles to himself. 

Then he feels something new and odd.

There are hands on his hips pulling him closer to a large body. Tadashi whines and tries to put his hand between him and the body.

“No,” he whimpers.

“Hey now, don’t be like that,” A voice he doesn’t know says. Tadashi looks up and sees the swimming image of the boy from the couch. “What’s your costume, baby?”

“Crow. Let go,” Tadashi mumbles and tries to walk away. He wants Kei. He looks around but...he’s gone. He doesn’t see anyone he recognizes.

“Don’t mind me. Just keep dancing,” the boy says and pulls Tadashi’s body flush against his.

“Don’t wanna-” Tadashi whines and squirms. But he’s so close to the boy he can feel the bulge rub on his ass and he wants to vomit.

“Yeah...you’re gonna make me feel real good, baby,” the boy says and then he’s walking and Tadashi’s coming with him and he starts to squirm again.

“No,” Tadashi whines and then they’re at a staircase and he grabs the railing. The boy glowers at him and starts to try to pull him off the railing.

“Come on, honey. Let’s go upstairs so you can make Daddy feel good,” he whispers in Tadashi’s ear.

“Stop it I don’t want to,” Tadashi says.

“Oh come on, baby. You wanna make me happy?”

“No,” Tadashi says a little louder and the boy presses his lips to his neck.

“Let’s go,” he says and cups Tadashi’s face. Tadashi winces and tries to pull away. Memories pound on his mind, begging to be heard.

“Stop it.”

“Come upstairs.”

“I said-”

“Ushijima, is that you?” A surprisingly sober Bokuto asks. There’s a boy with curly hair and a bored expression standing next to him. “What’s going on here?”

“We were just about to head upstairs, weren’t we?” The boy says to Tadashi. Tadashi squirms again, trying to break free and go to Kotaro.

“Hmm,” Kotaro hums and looks down at Tadashi. “It doesn’t look like he’s that into it.”

“Mind your own business, Bokuto,” Ushijima snarls. “How about you ask him what he wants to do?”

“Fine,” Kotaro says. “Hey, Tadashi. Do you want to go upstairs and have sex with this big scary man you’ve never met before?”

Tadashi shakes his head and whines for Kei. Kotaro inhales sharply through his teeth and looks back up at Ushijima. “He said no.”

Ushijima opens his mouth but the boy with Kotaro interrupts him. “Let him go. Now.” Ushijima growls and finally takes his hands off Tadashi’s body. He scampers to Kotaro and hides behind him. 

“Now, either go upstairs and jerk yourself off or find someone who wants to go up there with you  _ willingly _ or I’ll report you to the dean. Don’t think you wanna lose that football scholarship, do you?” Kotaro says. Ushijima brushes past them and goes back to the couch. Kotaro turns around and helps Tadashi walk to another room.

“You okay?” He asks. Tadashi nods and rubs his eyes. “Did he touch your-”

“No,” Tadashi says and leans his head on the couch. “Where’s Kei?”

“I think he ran off to the bathroom. Keiji, can you get him some water?” Kotaro says. The other boy nods and heads to the kitchen. “Want me to text Kei and get him here?” Tadashi nods. He shuts his eyes for a second and tries to breathe. His cheeks are tingling and he hates it. He just wants it to go away.

“Here. Drink this,” Keiji says, holding out a clear glass of clear liquid. Tadashi reaches for it, then hesitates. “It’s alright. It’s just water.”

Tadashi takes it and takes a long swallow. “Thank you,” he mumbles and hands Keiji the glass back.

Tadashi hears some rapid footsteps and then Kei rushes into the room. Tadashi lifts his head and grins. 

“Hi, Kei!” He giggles. Kei doesn’t reply. He’s talking to Kotaro.

“What happened? Is he okay?” He asks. 

“He’s fine. Ushijima tried to...well...rape him but Keiji and I got there before anything could happen. Take him outside, the cold air will sober him up.”

Kei nods and wraps his arm around Tadashi’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s go.”

Tadashi laughs and lets his head lull against Kei’s arm. “And you said college kids weren’t gonna be mean to me,” he giggles. Kei doesn’t say anything. He just takes him out to the front lawn and lays him down on the grass. He sits down beside him and sighs.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks. Tadashi nods.

“He only touched my hips. And my stomach. And my face.”

“It’s still a scary thing. No matter where he touched you,” Kei says. Tadashi looks up at the stars and sighs.

“I said no like five times,” he says and giggles. “He called me ‘baby’ and that I was gonna make ‘daddy feel good.’”

“Disgusting,” Kei mutters.

“He touched my face,” Tadashi says again. “I don’t like it when people touch my face.”

“You don’t?”

“No…” Tadashi sighs. “Reminds me of...bad things.”

Kei stares at him with something like horror on his face. “What kind of bad things?”

Tadashi giggles and reaches up to poke Kei’s cheeks. He means to do it hard enough to bruise but his movements are sluggish and sloppy.

“Hey! Hey Dirt Face! Hey! Why can’t you wash those ugly things off your face? Hey! How’d you get these little pieces of shit on your cheeks? We should throw you in the river to wash you off!” Tadashi laughs, quoting what his bullies used to shout at him. “If we’re lucky, maybe you’ll drown!”

Kei catches his wrists and Tadashi laughs even harder. “Tadashi-”

“That’s my name,” Tadashi giggles and a tiny snort escapes him. “Sometimes I’m not sure if Kindaichi and Akira even knew my name. They had a lot of other names for me.”

“Like...Like what?” Kei asks.

“Dirt Face was a common one,” Tadashi says and looks up at the stars. “Stupid was another one. Ugly, Shit Face, Dumbass, uh…” Tadashi trails off and giggles. “Fag got really popular when I was in high school. I don’t even know how they found out I’m gay, I never told anyone. Until you!” He smiles at Kei and the other boy lets his wrists fall.

“Tadashi.”

“Hey! Wanna know a secret?” Tadashi asks. “But you can’t tell anyone. Don’t be like Kenma.”

“I-I won’t tell anyone,” Kei says.

Tadashi sits up and leans closer to Kei’s ear. “Shoyo was my first friend,” he whispers and pulls away. Kei’s expression falls and Tadashi nods a couple of times.

“No one ever tried to stick up for you?” Kei asks.

Tadashi shakes his head. “No one wants to stand up for the weird, ugly, dirty-faced, faggot.”

Kei doesn’t say anything. Just watches him. Tadashi falls back on his hands and watches cars drive by.

“I would have liked it if someone stood up for me,” Tadashi murmurs. “I know people saw them attack me all the time.”

“Attack you?” Kei asks. 

“In elementary and middle school. They’d chase me down and then hit me with rocks and sticks. But!” Tadashi swings his head to meet Kei’s eyes again. “Every year of school they’d sneak rocks in or break pencils and throw them at me during class. Sometimes they’d call me or text me just to tell me to kill myself.”

“That’s horrible,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi shrugs.

“I was gonna say I got used to it,” Tadashi says and then giggles again. “But I never did. It always hurt.”

“What did your parents do?”

Tadashi laughs again. “My dad told me if I was too weak to fight back, then I should just let them toughen me up.”

Kei’s jaw drops. “Wait-”

“And my mom said if I didn’t want them to call me names, I should just change what I ate and how I acted.”

“Why would she-wait. What you ate?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and giggles into his hands. He’s only ever told Shoyo about this since he talked to his parents about it.

“In the cafeteria, they’d call me fat and disgusting and then smear my food on my face and in my hair and would say ‘now you look like the pig you are.’ Or something like that, they liked their variety,” Tadashi says and flops onto his back again.

Kei gasps under his breath and whispers, “No wonder dining halls make you anxious.”

Tadashi giggles and stretches his arms up to the sky. “Hey, Kei?”

“Yes?”

“You’re pretty. Can you take me home?”

Kei sighs and takes his hands. “Yes, Tadashi. I’ll get you home.”   



	6. Black Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Welcome to hangover hell,” Kei says. “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up?”  
>  “No.”  
>  “Alright, come on. Let’s go to the dining hall. Getting something in your stomach will make you feel better.”  
>  Tadashi groans and all but falls out of bed. Kei smirks and helps him up to his feet. Tadashi paws at his wallet and then glances down at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am having way too much fun with this enjoy some causal simping from our favorite emotionally constipated nerd.  
> No TWs this chapter :)

Kei clenches the steering wheel of his car so tight his knuckles turn white and his fingers ache. Tadashi keeps giggling and poking at the window whenever he sees a streetlight or another person like he hadn’t just told Kei all about his bullies and was nearly assaulted twenty minutes ago.

Kei wishes he hadn’t told him that. Then he could let his heart flutter about Tadashi calling him pretty.

Instead, it sends waves of anger and misery through Kei’s veins with every beat.

What Tadashi told him was horrible. Every word was more terrible than the last and Kei doesn’t even know how the other boy is still standing.

If Kei ever meets the other boy’s parents, he might not be able to hold himself back.

“Tsukishima…” Tadashi muses and then giggles. His cheeks are so flushed he looks like a berry again.

“Yes?” Kei asks. Tadashi hums and lulls his head to the side to look at him.

“Can I call you Tsukki?” He laughs. Kei rolls his eyes. 

“If you can remember that you thought of it, you can call me Tsukki.”

Tadashi giggles again and presses his hand against the window. “You like me, right, Tsukki?”

Kei almost chuckles. “Yes, Tadashi. I like you. I told you we could be friends.”

“Oh yeah,” Tadashi laughs and sighs. “You’re the first person who’s ever said that to me.”

“How are you so fucking giggly?” Kei mutters to himself. Tadashi doesn’t respond and keeps tapping on the window. “Right. Because Shoyo is your first friend.”

“I like him,” Tadashi says. “He’s a good first friend.”

“Yes, yes he is,” Kei says. He parks the car and unbuckles. Tadashi looks at him and suddenly his eyes are sad and wide and filled with tears.

“Please don’t leave me alone,” he says softly. “I...I’m scared.”

“Shoyo-”

“He’s staying with Tobio. Please. Please don’t go,” Tadashi says and he starts shaking. “I have-haven’t forgotten about...about Ushijima.”

Kei sighs and gets out of the car. He walks around to Tadashi’s side and opens his door. “Come on. Let’s get to your room.”

“Don’t go-”

“I won’t, Tadashi. But you have to get out of the car.”

Tadashi nods and slips out of his seat. Kei wraps his arm around his shoulders and walks him up the steps, into the building, and up the elevator. Tadashi slumps against Kei more and more as the elevator goes up and up. His giggles are gone; replaced completely with sniffles and whispers begging Kei not to leave.

The doors roll open and Kei walks Tadashi down to his room. At one point, Tadashi stumbles and nearly falls. Kei catches him just in time but the door still opens and Koushi appears.

“Hey. Is he-”

“He’s really drunk, can you help me?” Kei says. The RA springs into action and puts Tadashi’s other arm around his shoulder. Tadashi whimpers before realizing it’s his RA.

“Sorry, Koushi. I got too drunk,” he says with a heavy slur on his voice. Koushi chuckles.

“It’s okay, Tadashi. It happens to everyone. Smart of you to get someone to bring you home.”

“Yeah, Kotaro got Kei for me after some guy Ushijima tried to fuck me,” Tadashi says. Kei slips out from under Tadashi’s arm and opens his dorm room door. Koushi looks at Kei in horror.

“Someone assaulted him?”

Kei shakes his head. “Kotaro and Keiji stopped it before it could go anywhere but someone  _ tried  _ to assault him.”

“Shit,” Koushi mutters and walks Tadashi into his room. “Can you climb into bed, Tadashi?”

“Yeah,” Tadashi mumbles and hops onto his bed without falling off. Koushi sighs and brings his exhausted and horribly sad gaze over to Kei.

“Is Shoyo coming back soon?”

“He’s staying with his boyfriend,” Kei says.

“Kei?” Tadashi mumbles from his bed.

“He wants me to stay with him is that okay?”

Koushi exhales and nods. “Yes. I just don’t want him to be alone.”

“Kei?” Tadashi asks again, a little more urgent this time. Koushi pats Kei’s shoulder and leaves the room. Tadashi lifts his head and there are tears running down his face. “Kei!”

“I’m right here, what is it?” Kei asks harsher than he means to and sits down next to the other boy. Tadashi wipes his eyes and shivers.

“Don’t go,” he whispers. 

“I’m not leaving,” Kei says. Tadashi sniffs and lays down again. He keeps whispering, begging Kei not to go. “Why do you think I’m going to leave?”

Tadashi turns his face into his pillow and sobs brokenly. “Why wouldn’t you? I told you everything! And now you know I’m weak and stupid and I never fought them off!”

“You didn’t fight who off? Your bullies?”

“My bullies and Ushijima!” Tadashi yells. “I’m pathetic and weak and you’re not and you don’t want to hang around someone like me!”

“I told you I’m your friend, Tadashi,” Kei says softly.

“How am I supposed to know how that works?” Tadashi shouts, sitting up and glaring into Kei’s eyes.

“What are you even talking about right now?” Kei asks, suddenly very tired. Tadashi flops back down onto his pillow and trembles.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “Just...please don’t go.”

“I’m not leaving,” Kei says again. Tadashi shuts his eyes.

“Promise? Promise you’ll still be here in the morning?” He asks.

“I promise,” Kei says. Tadashi sniffles again, grabs Belana, and rolls onto his side. Kei slides off the bed and pulls the comforter over Tadashi’s body. He jumps back onto the bed and sits cross-legged next to the other boy. Waiting for him to fall asleep. Tadashi’s shoulders rise and fall steadily and his breathing goes slow, soft, and even. Kei sighs and runs a hand down his face.

He’s about to text Tobio to make sure he and Shoyo got back safely when Tadashi’s phone screen illuminates the room. Kei glances at him and reaches for the phone. Tadashi doesn’t move. His eyes are already darting around under his lids. He’s fast asleep.

Kei looks down at the phone screen. The lock screen is a generic one that probably came preloaded on the phone. Just fairy lights wrapped around birch trees with snow gently pushing branches down. There’s a notification banner with a text from his mother.

**Mom:** _ You haven’t talked to us in weeks. You never used to be this cruel _

Kei grinds his teeth and sets the phone down. Only to pick it up a second later when it brightens the room again. Maybe he shouldn’t be reading these. But maybe he can at least warn Tadashi about them in the morning.

**Mom:** _ I can only imagine you’ve gone silent because you’ve figured out we were right. I don’t mean to gloat, but you could have spared us all a lot of trouble if you just listened to us. Please tell me whatever else you’ve found is something you’re actually capable of pursuing. You don’t have the best judgment so call me in the morning. _

Kei growls under his breath and wishes he could just open the phone and type a reply but he can’t. He can’t let the aftermath of his anger fall on Tadashi. 

That and he doesn’t know his passcode.

Kei puts the phone on Tadashi’s desk and slips off the bed and goes to the futon. He might as well get some sleep so he can properly deal with a hungover Tadashi tomorrow morning.

“Kei?” A sleepy adorably soft voice asks. Kei grumbles for a second and then blinks his eyes open. Tadashi’s leaning over his bed with his head in one of his hands. “Head hurts,” he mumbles.

“Welcome to hangover hell,” Kei says. “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up?”

“No.”

“Alright, come on. Let’s go to the dining hall. Getting something in your stomach will make you feel better.”

Tadashi groans and all but falls out of bed. Kei smirks and helps him up to his feet. Tadashi paws at his wallet and then glances down at himself. 

“Can I change first?”

“I’ll step out,” Kei says.

“You don’t have to,” Tadashi mutters. “I’m not completely stripping.”

_ Pity,  _ something in Kei’s head says and he shakes his head. “Whatever, I’ll turn around.”

“Okay,” Tadashi whispers and Kei can hear his zipper fall down. Kei’s heart kicks up and he has to shut his eyes against the thoughts of taking the other boy by his hips and running his hands down his chest and stomach.

Tadashi’s probably had enough of people touching him for a while. 

But Kei can’t stop thinking about Tadashi’s legs around his waist. Or his back against Kei’s chest. Or his ass against-

“You can turn around now,” Tadashi says, breaking through Kei’s thoughts. Kei turns around and sees the other boy stuff his phone and wallet into black jogger pockets. He’s wearing a soft-looking grey sweatshirt with sleeves that go over his hands. “I’m ready,” he shuffles over to the door and knocks it open with floppy hands. Kei snickers.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like my entire body is made of concrete, you coming or what?” Tadashi mutters and starts walking down the hall. Kei closes the door behind him and jogs to catch up.

“So. What do you remember from last night?”

“I wasn’t blackout,” Tadashi says and presses the elevator button. He’s squinting against the lights and Kei almost finds it adorable. “I remember everything.”

“Do you remember asking if you could call me ‘Tsukki?’” Kei asks teasingly. Tadashi snorts.

“Oh yeah,” he muses. “I did say that.” He thinks for a second. “And I told you literally everything those assholes from school did, that’s great.”

He says it so bitterly that Kei recoils. He hated hearing about it all, but it had been obvious that Tadashi needed to talk about it.

He’d probably been repressing it for a long time, it was going to crush him.

“Why do you sound so angry?”

“Those aren’t years of my life I’m proud of, Kei!” Tadashi snaps. “I just wish I could erase them. I would have been happy going the rest of my stupid fucking life never telling anyone about all the dirty details.”

“Well, it wasn’t doing you any good keeping it all bottled up,” Kei mutters. Tadashi glowers at him. “You’d been zoning out all week!”

“I wasn’t ready to talk about it, yet!” Tadashi snaps again.

“Why are you mad at me then?”

“I’m not mad at you! I’m mad at me!” Tadashi basically shouts. Kei stands dumbfounded and Tadashi fumes for a couple of seconds before the elevator doors open. Tadashi deflates and steps out with Kei following close behind. “I’m mad I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut and I’m mad that for just a second...I thought it was all...funny.”

Kei winces when he remembers how much Tadashi was laughing when he told him all about the horrible things that had happened to him.

“I thought it was funny and I...I can’t figure out why I thought that. Those things plague me every goddamn day and I thought they were funny. I thought...maybe they weren’t so bad. Maybe I’d been overreacting and that the whole thing was a fucking joke. That I was a fucking joke. I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“We never do make sense when we’re drunk,” Kei says. Tadashi shrugs and hands his ID card to the person at the scanner. Kei watches his body curl around itself to protect himself and his shoulders come up to his ears.

_ “They called me fat and disgusting and would smear my food on my face and in my hair.” _

_ “Now you look like the pig you are.” _

Kei takes a deep breath and then grabs Tadashi’s hand. “You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you,” he says softly. 

Tadashi’s eyes go wide and he shivers. “Kei-”

“It’s only four steps, remember? Get a plate, choose your food, get your silverware and drink, and then you’re done. You can do it.”

Tadashi’s hand slips out of his hand and grabs a plate. They split up to get their food and then meet back up at the drink station.

Kei gets milk.

Tadashi gets apple juice. 

Kei finds them a booth and they slide in. Tadashi keeps glancing at the people who walk past him, but he seems more relaxed than last time.

“Are you alright?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and pokes at his eggs.

“It...It wasn’t my fault, right?” He whispers. “I’m not some kind of joke because I didn’t...I couldn’t make them leave me alone?”

Kei’s heart shatters and he shakes his head. “No, Tadashi. It wasn’t your fault. And you’re not a joke. They were dicks and it was wrong.”

Tadashi nods and then his phone buzzes. He digs in his pocket and Kei grinds his teeth.

“Your mom texted you last night,” he blurts out. “So that...that might be her again.”

“Okay,” Tadashi murmurs and takes his phone out. His eyebrows furrow at the messages and he shoves it back into his pocket. “I’m not fucking calling her,” he mutters.

Kei huffs a laugh. “Good. Fuck her.”

Tadashi takes a bite and giggles. It has none of the hysteria from last night and Kei smiles back at him. “Yeah. Fuck her.”

“When are you gonna grow a pair and ask the boy out?” Kuroo asks the next morning at lunch. Kei nearly chokes on a piece of pasta and glares at him from across the table.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kei says through his teeth. Kuroo stares at him for a second and then bursts out laughing. “What’s so fucking funny?”

“Do you think Tobio hasn’t told us about how you literally gush about that boy when you come home every day? Or how Tadashi’s the only reason you don’t bail on your office hours because he’s the only one that comes and you 'don’t want to miss him?’” Kuroo says.

“He asked for my help!” Kei exclaims. “What am I gonna do? Not work through assignments with him?”

“No one has to meet with a TA every day, idiot. He clearly just wants to spend time with you. Besides, Kotaro said he was practically crying for you at the party.”

“Yeah. After he nearly got assaulted.”

“Most people then would probably look for their roommate, don’t you think? Or...their boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Kei hisses.

“Does he know that?” Kuroo teases.

“Of course he does!”

“You sure?”

“If you don’t drop this right now I will punt kick Kenma into the river,” Kei snaps. Kuroo just laughs.

“Just ask him out. I’m sure he’d say yes.”

“Say goodbye to your boyfriend,” Kei growls.

Kuroo waves a hand dismissively. “Oh please, Kenma’s like a fucking cat. You wouldn’t be able to hold onto him long enough to throw him into the river.”

“Whatever. Just drop it,” Kei demands. Kuroo shrugs and takes a bite of his food.

“One last thing, and then I will drop it. I get why Tadashi would be afraid to ask you out but what do you have to be scared of?”

Kei glares.

“Dropping it,” Kuroo says and looks out the window. Kei takes another bite of pasta and stares at his plate. 

He doesn’t really have anything to be afraid of. Other than losing what he already has with Tadashi.

He’s not afraid of asking the boy out. 

He’s afraid of getting rejected.

Kei doesn’t know what tells him to walk down the practice room hall after his music history class but he listens to it and wanders down the hall. He peeks in to see a bunch of people playing violin, trumpet, and oboe without hearing what they sound like. He watches their bodies sway and how focused they are on their music. It’s odd to walk down a hall that should be overflowing with music and having it be deadly silent. The only sound that bounces off the grey and beige walls is Kei’s own footsteps, muted by the carpet.

Then there is a sound. Another sound. Soft and distant and Kei walks down the hall. There’s a door that’s open just a tiny crack and Kei peers inside. There’s familiar brown hair with a familiar cowlick and Kei watches Tadashi’s back as he plays a sleek black piano.

The song is low and slow and almost brings tears to Kei’s eyes. He looks around and then slips between the crack between the door and the wall and steps into the room.

There’s no music open in front of Tadashi. Kei’s not even sure if his eyes are open. Kei watches, hypnotized, as Tadashi’s fingers dance over the keys. Only the tips of his fingers touch the black and white keys and they move swiftly and smoothly as if their own has never pulled on them or let them shake uncontrollably in his life.

His performance is majestic. That’s the only word Kei can think of to describe how Tadashi moves. His body sways with the flow of the music and his fingers just...know. Just know where to go and how to press the keys to make the music sound like magic. Kei doesn’t dare move or even breathe. He doesn’t want anything to disrupt how beautiful this moment is.

How beautiful Tadashi is.

Kei longs to reach out and touch. Touch Tadashi’s hair, his shoulders, his arms. Let his lips roam over the boy’s neck and ear and cheek. Draw moans and whines out of Tadashi’s mouth with nothing but his hands and words and breath. He wants to whisper how wonderfully he plays in his ear. Tell him how much he loves the piece and how his hands move.

Love.

That has to be the feeling blooming under Kei’s heart, threatening to burst through his chest.

It feels like ripping away part of himself when Kei slips back out the door and rushes down the hall.

He’s never felt this way before and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to handle himself like this and he certainly wouldn’t know what to do with someone like Tadashi if he told him how he felt. Tadashi is fragile and precious and Kei...Kei has hard edges and sharp words. He knows he’s softer around Tadashi but...what if that goes away?

What if he gets too comfortable and goes cold?

Tadashi would hate him. That version of him.

The true version of him. 

Kei digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

He knows what he has to do.

And his friends are going to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me


	7. Andante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei’s not at office hours.  
>  Kei wasn’t in lecture today, either.  
>  Tadashi tugs on his hair and tries to remember where Kotaro’s office was. He knows it was in the chemistry building but he can’t remember the room number or what floor it was on.  
>  Your fault, the anxiety in his head whispers. He’s gone and it’s all your fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have too much time on my hands so here's another chapter for you. TW for a panic attack but it's not super detailed. And for gas-lighting which is a little more detailed. And a little reference to the desire to self-harm but it's not acted on, so take care of yourselves.  
> Also...I'm sorry.

Tadashi turns in a circle in the middle of the empty study room and buries down the urge to call out for Kei. He takes his phone out and scrolls through his messages with him to see if he just missed Kei telling him he’s sick or something but it turns up nothing.

Tadashi whimpers and bounces on the balls of his feet, feeling his anxiety expand into every nook and cranny of his body.

Kei’s not at office hours.

Kei wasn’t in lecture today, either.

Tadashi tugs on his hair and tries to remember where Kotaro’s office was. He knows it was in the chemistry building but he can’t remember the room number or what floor it was on.

_ Your fault,  _ the anxiety in his head whispers.  _ He’s gone and it’s all your fault _

“Shut up, I know,” Tadashi mumbles and heads out of the room. His hands shake so badly they can barely hold his phone as he looks up his syllabus online. Kotaro’s office is probably there.

Even though Kotaro is so enthusiastic it’s damn near impossible to understand him. Tadashi just really needs the help. The lecture was so confusing, he could feel his head spinning just while taking notes. Tadashi grits his teeth and walks to the chem building. He needs someone to help him, he doesn’t care who.

He tries to pretend he doesn’t care, anyway. 

He tries to pretend he doesn’t want Kei back. Kei and his calm explanations and frequent check-ins and never-ending patience.

With his soft voice and kind eyes and gentle hands. And his fluffy looking hair and-

Tadashi shakes his head. He has to stop thinking about the other boy like that. Kei’s not going to think like it back.

He steps out of the library and shivers against the early November air. It pricks at his eyes and makes him want to cry more than he already does.

He’s been bullied and abused his whole life.

Being abandoned shouldn’t hurt this much.

Kotaro looks up from his laptop and blinks at Tadashi in surprise. Tadashi shifts from foot to foot and tries to think of something to say but Kotaro beats him to it. 

“Is Kei not at his office either?”

Tadashi shakes his head and wipes his eyes. He wonders how obvious it is that he hid in the bathroom and cried before coming here.

“Rat bastard could have mentioned something to one of us,” Kotaro mutters and starts typing something. “Whatever, come sit down. I’ll try to help you out.”

Tadashi sits down next to Kotaro and takes his notes out. He pushes them towards Kotaro without saying anything. He has a huge section circled with some question marks surrounding it. 

“I...I did something wrong, didn’t I?” Tadashi murmurs.

“You talking about Kei?” Kotaro asks. Tadashi nods and wipes his eye again. Kotaro scoffs and shakes his head. “Whatever it is that’s going on, it’s not your fault. Our mutual friend is an absolute moron at the best of times. He’ll get his shit figured out.”

Tadashi chuckles a little and leans closer to look at his notes while Kotaro starts explaining the circled sections. 

The time spent with Bokuto goes about as Tadashi expected. He’s still confused but mildly impressed at Kotaro’s knowledge and enthusiasm. Kotaro eyes him while he’s packing up and smirks.

“This did nothing for you, did it?” He asks. Tadashi shrugs and zips up his backpack. “You don’t have to protect my feelings. I can tell you’re still confused.”

“I’m sorry,” Tadashi whispers.

“Don’t be. Try talking with Kuroo tomorrow, yeah? He might get through to you a little bit better than I can.”

“Okay,” Tadashi says and stands up to leave. He feels pathetic at how badly he wants to cry.

He just wants Kei.

“Wait!” Kotaro says before Tadashi can walk out the door. “I just...Are you doing okay? About the...Ushijima thing?”

Tadashi shivers a little, feeling phantom hands run down his stomach and holding his hips and cheek. He nods. “I’m okay. Nothing happened, thanks to you.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not still scary,” Kotaro says. “You haven’t seen him around since that night, right?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “I live on the other side of campus and take mostly gen eds. Not exactly his scene, I assume.”

Kotaro shrugs. “True. But college works differently than high school. All your classes probably have a big mix of every year. Plus I’m sure that meathead is behind in his required classes.”

“Well I haven’t seen him,” Tadashi says.

“You probably won’t, it’s a big campus and he’s a frat boy and an athlete. I doubt your paths will cross again but...let someone know if you do see him. Either me or Kuroo or...Kei. Tell your roommate about it so Shoyo and Tobio can keep an eye out. We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Okay,” Tadashi murmurs. “Really. Thanks for stopping him.”

“It’s not a problem, Tadashi,” Kotaro says. “To be honest, I was a little shocked. I went to high school with that guy and I...I didn’t know he was capable of that.”

“High schoolers are capable of a lot of horrible things,” Tadashi says softly, feeling sticks and rocks attack his head and neck and he starts pulling on his fingers.

“Guess so,” Kotaro mutters and glances at his laptop. “I’ll see you around, Tadashi.”

“See you,” Tadashi says and rushes out of the room.

With his stomach churning so hard he’s afraid he’ll vomit, he takes out his phone and finds his and Kei’s conversation thread. His fingers shake and he bites his lip so hard he tastes blood as he types out and sends,

**Me:** _ Where are you? _

His morning alarm goes off and he groans into his pillow. He checks his lock screen for new notifications and sees none.

Nothing from Kei. Even though Tadashi saw the little grey ‘Delivered’ turn into ‘Read’ last night.

He’s embarrassed by how much that hurt and how much he cried into Belana when that happened. He hears Shoyo slide out of bed and start getting ready for the day but then stops.

“Tadashi?” He asks.

“Not today, Shoyo. I can’t today.”

There’s silence for a little while and then Shoyo sighs. “Fine. You’ve probably needed a mental health day.”

He starts getting ready again and Tadashi’s eyes well up again and he starts to silently cry. Then,

“Kei won’t talk to me and I nearly got raped at the Halloween party,” spills out of his mouth. Something clatters to the floor and Shoyo’s weight settles on Tadashi’s bed.

“I...Do you know who they were? Did you get away or did someone-”

“Kotaro and his boyfriend got me away from him. He’s some football player named Ushijima. Kotaro told me to tell you so you can...keep me safe. In case you see him.”

“Uh, yeah of course,” Shoyo stammers for a second and then murmurs, “Are you okay?”

Tadashi nods. “Yeah. Maybe a little spooked still, but I’m-I’m okay.”

“Good,” Shoyo says. “Now what do you mean Kei won’t talk to you?” Tadashi sobs softly into Belana and tells Shoyo that he hasn’t seen Kei in days. He’s not at lecture anymore and he’s not going to his own office hours and he won’t answer Tadashi’s text.

“I-I like him, Shoyo,” Tadashi whispers once he’s done. “I  _ like  _ him.”

“I know,” Shoyo says. “I could tell.” Tadashi blushes and buries his face further into Belana. “But hey, we have a volleyball game tonight. Maybe he’ll come with Tobio.”

Tadashi lifts his head over the comforter and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe he will.”

Shoyo smiles, beaming like the sun, and hops off Tadashi’s bed. “I’ll see you later. Get some more sleep, it’ll help you feel better.”

Tadashi smiles, feeling the first flicker of hope he’s had in three days and shuts his eyes again.

Kenma is the only one sitting on the bleachers and Tobio is practicing setting and the world feels too close. Tadashi swallows the lump growing in his throat and goes to sit next to Kenma. The blonde boy doesn’t look up from his Switch and gives Tadashi a nod.

“Kei’s not here,” Kenma says matter-of-factly. Tadashi holds back snapping at the other boy and just nods to himself.

“I know,” Tadashi murmurs. “I...I think I did something wrong.”

“Like what?” Kenma asks. Tadashi’s eyes go wet and warm and something falls down his cheek and settles in the corner of his mouth. Something salty and hot.

“I don’t know,” Tadashi mumbles and someone blows a whistle that makes Kenma jump and Tadashi can’t do this. He can’t sit here and watch when the only person who keeps his memories of his own volleyball career from engulfing him completely isn’t here.

Tadashi hears the ball  _ thwack _ against Daichi’s hand and he runs to the bathroom. His hands sting, his arms ache and his head  _ hurts _ . He staggers into the handicap stall and curls into a ball in the corner, as far away from the toilet as he can be.

_ “Taaadasshiii,” Kindaichi’s voice rings and bounces through the bathroom and Tadashi covers his nose and mouth with his hand. “Where are you?” _

_ His footsteps get closer and closer and Tadashi wills himself to disappear. To just vanish off the face of the earth. Or to wake up from what has to be a nightmare. _

_ “If you locked your stall, I’ll know where you’re hiding,” Kindaichi’s sing-song voice says. There’s a rattling tap on the stall door and Tadashi bites his lip to keep from sobbing. “Aww, there you are,” Kindaichi coos and rattles the door a little bit. “Want to come open it up for us?” _

_ Us? _

_ Tadashi chokes on a sob and the sound echoes through the locker room. _

_ “Come on, Tadashi. You don’t want to make us crawl on this filthy floor, do you? We don’t want to get all grimy like you.” _

_ “Go away!” Tadashi yells back, tears flowing like rivers down his cheeks. _

_ “That’s no way to talk to your teammates,” someone else says and Tadashi sees at least three sets of feet under the stall door. _

_ “Leave me alone!” _

_ “Don’t make Akira break down the door, Tadashi,” Kindaichi warns sweetly. _

_ Footsteps shuffle backward and Tadashi dives under the stall next to him and scrambles to his feet. _

_ “Get him!” One of the boys behind him calls and Tadashi  _ runs.  _ He runs past the other kids changing, grabs his backpack without stopping, and rushes to the door. _

_ Only for one of them to step in front of him and gaze down at him with an evil smile. Tadashi steps back and the other two footsteps catch up to him and he starts to cry again. _

_ “Aww, is the baby crying?” Akira coos and pinches at Tadashi’s arm and twists the skin. _

_ “Let me go,” Tadashi pleads. “I-I just want to go home.” _

_ “‘I just want to go home,’” Kindaichi imitates and then his foot knocks Tadashi down to the floor, pressing on his back and pushing him into the ground. “But you haven’t washed off from practice yet.” _

_ “Don’t!” Tadashi shouts and someone picks him up and starts to drag him, kicking and screaming, back to the toilets. _

“Tadashi?” A low, quiet voice he can’t recognize at first asks. Tadashi’s eyes fly open and he cowers against the corner.

“Stay away from me!” He screams wildly. There’s a whine and then Kenma swims into view. He’s covering his ears but then lets his hands fall. “Ke-Kenma?”

“Just me,” he says and sits down a few feet away. “Who did you think I was?” He asks. There’s no malice behind the words. Just cautious concern.

“S-Some kids who-who used to...to bully me. In middle school. I mean, they bullied me my whole life but-”

“But the memory was from middle school,” Kenma finishes. “I get it. Happens to me, too.”

“You got bullied, too?” Tadashi asks softly. Kenma looks somewhere over Tadashi’s shoulder and taps his temple.

“Autism, remember? That’s a ‘Get-Bullied-Free’ card,” he says. Tadashi frowns and Kenma drops his eyes. “I didn’t use that reference right, huh?”

“No, but I get what you mean.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Well, yeah. I got bullied, too. Kids used to hide my stuff or tell me to shut up about my special interests or take my food to get me to have a meltdown. They kind of grew out of it by high school, but still. By then the damage was done.”

“I’m sorry they did that,” Tadashi whispers. Kenma shrugs.

“They left me alone once I met Kuroo. He told them off and made our teacher educate them on what being autistic is like and why what they were doing was especially harmful to me. After that, it stopped. But he stuck around me, just to make sure nothing like it ever happened again,” Kenma says and his cheeks go pink. Then his face falls. “You never had anyone like that, huh?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “They...They never stopped. The only way I escaped was by graduating.”

“I’m sorry,” Kenma says. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Tadashi sniffs and wipes his eyes. “And now Kei won’t talk to me,” he sobs. “He won’t talk to me and I can’t figure out what I did wrong!”

Kenma covers his ears again. “I know you’re upset but loud noises are awful in here.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Continue.”

Tadashi brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. “He said we were friends,” he murmurs. “But Shoyo doesn’t do this so he...he must have lied to me.”

Kenma flutters his hand for a second. “I wish I had an answer for you. But I don’t, I’m sorry.”

Tadashi buries his face in his knees and sobs brokenly. “It hurts, Kenma.”

“I can imagine,” the other boy says. “I’m really sorry, Tadashi.”

They don’t say anything else. Kenma just sits and listens to Tadashi’s muffled agony.

Another day passes. And then another. Tadashi doesn’t see Kei. He doesn’t hear from him. He never gets a text from him.

He starts going to Kuroo’s office hours. He’s a good teacher, but it’s not the same. He stops asking questions in discussion section. He barely even listens. He watches the leaves fall and wishes he could just disappear. Shoyo tries to help, but he can’t do too much. He reminds Tadashi to eat, sleep, and drink water and dutifully reports that he hasn’t seen Ushijima each day.

He hasn’t felt like this since high school. Like he’d rather fall off the planet than take another breath. His arms itch for a habit he hasn’t done since the fifth grade but he keeps it under control.

He misses Kei.

He misses the hard-to-get smiles he could sometimes wriggle out of him.

He misses how his hair flutters in the wind.

He misses how he adjusts his glasses by pushing at the bridge.

He hasn’t missed someone this much since…

Tadashi’s thoughts break as his phone rings. He glances at the caller ID and groans. It’s his mom but his heart doesn’t have anywhere left to fall. He picks up the phone and holds it to his ear.

He’s going to regret this.

“Hi, Mom,” Tadashi says. Niko laughs on the other side of the phone and then sighs. 

“Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve heard from you?” She demands. Tadashi barely holds back a sigh.

“How long?”

“Try three months! What have you been doing? Are you even alive over there? We had half a mind to drive down there ourselves!”

Tadashi rubs his eye and doesn’t say anything. 

“Well?”

“What?” Tadashi asks.

“Aren’t you going to apologize?”

“I’m not going to say I’m sorry for getting so swamped with work I had no time for anything else,” Tadashi says. 

Niko huffs. “Well, that’s cruel.”

Tadashi stays silent. Maybe he should feel guilty. But he doesn’t. Kei’s words keep rumbling in his head and he’s not sorry. 

He’s angry.

“You’re not going to say anything?!” Niko demands. 

“What is there to say?” Tadashi growls.

“What is going on with you? Are you so ashamed of yourself you can’t even face us?” Niko asks.

“Why would I be ashamed of myself?” Tadashi says. 

“Well, clearly the music thing isn’t working out. That’s the only reason I can think of to explain why you’ve gone radio silent.”

“Oh, that’s the only reason, is it?” Tadashi snaps. Niko gasps.

“Seriously, Tadashi, what’s going on with you? Why are you acting like we’re the bad guys here? We told you music was a dumb thing to major in, we aren’t going to gloat at you-”

“Maybe I just didn’t want to talk to you!” Tadashi explodes. “Why would I anyway? All you and Dad have ever done is cut me down!”

“Tadashi, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you emotionally abused me my whole life!” Tadashi shouts, not caring about the neighbors. Not caring about how ugly those two words feel in his mouth. Not caring about how badly he wishes he wasn’t alone right now.

“That is a ridiculous accusation,” Niko says slowly. “You were never hurt by anything we said or did. We never even meant it like that! We didn’t abuse you, you’re acting crazy!”

“You told me it was my fault those kids at school were bullying me! You said I would be useless to you and Dad if I majored in music! You threw away the stuffed animals  _ obachan _ got for me when you knew I cared about them! How is that not abusive?” Tadashi roars into the phone.

“We were trying to help you! Those children wouldn’t leave you alone, it had to be something you were doing. We were trying to help but you didn’t listen or did what we said! So there’s no one to blame for all those years of bullying but yourself! And why are you so dead set on being a pianist? They don’t make money, Tadashi, how many times do we have to tell you! And no one over the age of ten has stuffed animals! Did you want another reason for those kids to bully you? Was that it? Did you like the attention you got?”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Tadashi yells. “And there are plenty of things I can do with a music major! I’m only a freshman, I have time to figure it out.”

“Tadashi,” Niko says softly. “Majoring in music will not bring her back.”

His blood goes cold. His heart feels like it’s stopped beating and he can’t breathe.

“Tadashi?”

“Don’t ever call me again,” he murmurs and hangs up the phone. The thing falls out of his hand and he collapses on the futon. The phone rings again and he growls.

“Shut up!” He screams and throws it against the wall. Surprisingly it doesn’t break, and he curls into a rocking ball on the futon. He pulls on his hair and sobs loudly and brokenly.

He’s pathetic. He never thought it would bring her back but he thought it would keep him close to her. He loves piano with all his heart, even if some of his soul got buried with her.

He’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s not breathing. He’s going through the harsh motion of taking a breath but nothing reaches his lungs. He pounds his fist against his head and screams brokenly through a sob.

His door flies open and he smells Koushi’s cologne flood the room and his nose. Hands are on his arms and he leans into the contact.

“Tadashi, breathe. You have to breathe,” Koushi says calmly. Tadashi’s hand gets put on a hard but gentle chest and feels it rise and fall beneath his fingers. “Follow my breathing, okay? In...hold...and out,” Koushi coaches calmly. 

It takes a second, but then Tadashi’s following his RA’s breathing and his head feels heavy and sharp with pains.

“Good job, are you with me?” Koushi asks. Tadashi nods and sniffles.

“I miss her,” he whispers. Koushi pulls him into a hug and Tadashi sobs into his shoulder. Not as hysterical as before, but just as brokenly.

He wants Kei.

His eyes narrow at the sink across from him and he steps away from Koushi’s hold. 

“I have to go see someone,” he says and storms down the hall.

He might regret this. But he’s angry and for once the anxiety in his stomach isn’t holding him back.

He’s done with Kei’s game. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me...


	8. Supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He misses Tadashi. He misses his soft voice and even softer skin. He misses his wild hair and, fuck he misses his freckles.  
>  Kei had been trying to find a new constellation in his cheeks every time Tadashi wasn’t looking.  
>  He found Sagittarius.  
>  Cassiopeia.  
>  Ursa Major.  
>  Taurus.  
>  His stars are gone. His beautiful nebula is gone and it’s all his fault and even though he knows he did the right thing, it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy hopefully this will make you forgive me for all I put you through last chapter.  
> Enjoy! Tiny TW for panic attack but I think that's it.

Kei looks up from pushing his food on his plate and nearly flinches at Kuroo’s murderous expression. He trains his expression into something blank and ignores the burn at the back of his eyes that’s been raging since he saw Tadashi in the music room.

“Can I help you?” Kei asks.

“You better have a damn good explanation as to why I just spent the last forty-five minutes trying to convince Tadashi Yamaguchi that you don’t hate him,” Kuroo says. Kei’s jaw clenches to keep the tears back and scowls.

“I-”

“He hasn’t seen or heard from you in a week! He’s miserable, Kei! What the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” Kei snaps and stands up. Kuroo blocks his path to the busing station and glowers.

“Do you hate him or not?”

“Of course I don’t!” Kei says, appalled. Kuroo crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Then why is he convinced you lied to him and that you aren’t his friend and you played him like a goddamn fiddle?”

“It’s none of your business, Kuroo,” Kei says and brushes past him.

“It is my fucking business when the kid shows up to my office hours practically catatonic and still fucking crying! What are you doing, Kei? You’re killing him!”

“It has to be this way,” Kei says and walks off.

“If I see him like that again, I’m going to throw you under the campus shuttle!” Kuroo shouts after him and Kei moves like a ghost through the lobby and out the door. He doesn’t feel the chill of the air or the bite of the wind. He watches broken bits of leaves fly by and tries not to think about how they look like freckles on a smiling face. A sob bubbles out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut.

He misses Tadashi. He misses his soft voice and even softer skin. He misses his wild hair and, fuck he misses his freckles.

Kei had been trying to find a new constellation in his cheeks every time Tadashi wasn’t looking.

He found Sagittarius.

Cassiopeia.

Ursa Major.

Taurus.

His stars are gone. His beautiful nebula is gone and it’s all his fault and even though he knows he did the right thing, it hurts. 

He’s in an endlessly dark night and there are no stars to brighten his life.

A tear rolls down his cheek and he takes a hard left to go back to his dorm room. Even though Tobio will barely speak to him after Shoyo told him about what Tadashi said before the volleyball game.

Kei knew his friends were going to hate him for this, but knowing ahead of time doesn’t make it better.

“Have you showered in the last week?” Bokuto asks. Kei groans and rubs his eyebrow. He hasn’t. He’s barely even eaten.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Kotaro looks him over and scoffs. “What part of ‘ask him out’ did you interpret as ‘ghost him and damn near break his heart?’”

“Bokuto-”

“You know, let’s forget about what this is doing to Tadashi for a second and look at what it’s doing to you. I’ve known you for two years and I’ve never seen you this miserable.”

“It has to be this way and I deserve it, Kotaro. It’s-”

“Yeah, yeah it’s ‘complicated’ or whatever. Just...talk to him. He misses you.”

Those words nearly make Kei break into tears but he manages to keep himself together. 

“I can’t,” Kei says. Bokuto scoffs and backs away.

“You’re a moron.”

Kotaro slams the door behind him and Kei just feels empty.

Kuroo’s threat to throw him under a bus is starting to sound appealing. At least then it would all stop hurting. He looks back down at his astronomy textbook and then growls. He throws it across the room and buries his face in his hands.

He’s a monster.

He’s cruel and irredeemable and selfish.

The door slams open again and he doesn’t even get to look up before he hears a painfully familiar voice shout at him.

“If you didn’t want me around you anymore all you had to do was say so!” Tadashi. Kei looks up and sees the brown-haired boy standing in front of Tobio in the hallway. He must have let him in. Kei stands up, his notebook falling to the floor, and stands helplessly in front of Tadashi and his rage. “You didn’t have to fucking disappear! You could have told me you don’t like me and I would have left you alone!”

His hair is a mess, his knuckles and temples are slightly blue and his eyes are red and puffy and his chest is heaving.

“People have fucked me over my whole goddamn life, I could have handled it one more time, Kei!” Tadashi shouts.

“I-I didn’t want to hurt you,” Kei says stupidly.

“Well, you did! I told you things I’ve never told anyone and you-” Tadashi breaks off and takes a step towards the elevator. “I’ll get out of your life now, don’t worry about it.”

He walks down the hall and Kei meets Tobio’s eyes. He watches Tadashi leave and says,

“If you don’t follow him, I will never speak to you again.”

Kei has never run faster in his life.

“Tadashi!” He calls. The other dorms don’t exist anymore. Just him, this hallway, and Tadashi Yamaguchi. “Tadashi, wait!”

“Just let me go with some dignity, Kei!” Tadashi snaps and presses the elevator button.

“I have to talk to you,” Kei gasps out.

“I don’t want to hear it!” Tadashi says and dodges Kei by running to the stairs. Kei throws the door open and takes the stairs two at a time.

“Please! I know I don’t deserve it but I need to tell you something!” Kei begs with tears flying out of his eyes and landing on his tongue. Tadashi whirls around and looks ready to punch him.

“You don’t have to tell me you hate me! I figured it out on my own when you fucking ghosted me for an entire week!”

“I don’t hate you,” Kei whispers. Tadashi scoffs and turns around.

“Friends don’t hurt each other,” Tadashi says under his breath. His words hit Kei like a truck and he sobs.

“Tadashi-”

The other boy doesn’t say anything and just keeps walking down the stairs. Kei stands there for a second and then takes a deep breath.

He can do this.

He follows Tadashi out of the building and finds him standing at the bus stop. He reaches out and takes Tadashi’s arm.

“Hey-”

Tadashi rips his arm out of Kei’s grasp and snarls at him. “Don’t touch me!”

“Please,” Kei says. “Please let me talk to you. You don’t have to say anything, just, please. I-I can’t let you think I hate you.”

Tadashi looks at his watch. “You have eight minutes.”

Kei sighs and wipes his eyes. “I-I’m not a great person. I’m cold and mean and I’m...I’m an asshole, Tadashi.”

“You weren’t like that with me,” Tadashi snaps. “You don’t have to lie-”

“Just. Just let me finish,” Kei murmurs. “I know I wasn’t like that with you. But I was scared if I got too comfortable around you I’d start acting like that and I-I’d hurt you and you deserve so much better than me so-”

“So you decided to just cut me out of your life without telling me!” Tadashi shouted. “How is that better?”

“I thought it was what I had to do to protect you!”

“Protect me? From you? What are you talking about? Why would you do that!” Tadashi shouts.

“Because I love you!” Kei explodes and Tadashi’s eyes go wide and he steps back. “I love you and I’m an idiot and I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and I didn’t want to hurt you!”

Tadashi gasps and chews on his lip. “Kei-”

“It was wrong and I-I’m so sorry, Tadashi. I just...I couldn’t bear to let it go further and then hurt you. I-I thought I had to rip off the bandaid but now I don’t think I can live without you and-”

“Shut up,” Tadashi murmurs but he doesn’t say it cruelly or angrily. Kei looks at him and he’s smiling and crying. “You...You love me?”

Kei chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “Um. Yeah. Do… Do you?”

Tadashi blushes and pulls on his fingers. “I mean, ‘love’ might be a strong word for it right now but I-I like you and have feelings for you and-”

Kei barely has the foresight to remember not to grab Tadashi’s face before he’s pulling the other boy in by the front of his open windbreaker. Kei presses his lips to Tadashi’s and kisses him.

And kisses him.

And Tadashi slips his tongue between Kei’s lips and holds his neck and kisses him back. Kei wraps his arms all the way around the other boy’s waist and presses him as close and he can possibly be. All the pain slips out of Kei’s body and he’s left with unimaginable joy and some bone-crushing guilt.

Tadashi pulls away but doesn’t leave the circle of Kei’s arms. Kei presses his forehead against Tadashi’s and chases his mouth again.

“I think you still owe me a massive apology,” Tadashi whispers into the space between them. Kei clutches Tadashi’s jacket and lets a tear roll down his cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Tadashi,” Kei says. “It was stupid and wrong and I hurt you. I’m so, so sorry.”

Tadashi smiles and wipes the tear off Kei’s cheek. “I think I like you enough to forgive you,” he murmurs. Kei leans down and captures Tadashi’s lips in one more soft, gentle kiss. Tadashi kisses him back and Kei nips at his bottom lip before pulling away again.

“Tadashi,” Kei whispers and studies his face. He has his nebula back. He manages to restrain himself from holding Tadashi’s face and tracing the constellations.

Virgo.

Perseus.

Aquila.

Cancer.

“Can I give you a penance?” Tadashi says with a little grin. “Just a tiny one?”

Kei laughs airly and presses a kiss to Tadashi’s forehead. “Fair enough. Anything you want, baby.”

There’s a rush of air and a campus shuttle appears at the stop. Tadashi grabs Kei’s hand and pulls him towards the bus.

“Do you need to get anything from your dorm?”

Kei pats his pockets and feels his phone and wallet. He shakes his head. “I got everything.”

“Good. You’re coming to my dorm,” Tadashi says and they step on the bus. Tadashi brings them to the back and Kei sits as close as he can without crowding him. “Do you remember those little ‘get to know you’ surveys the professor made us do at the beginning of the semester?”

Kei snorts a little and takes Tadashi’s hand. “Yeah, I remember them.”

“Because the professor sent the results to all the TAs,” Tadashi says. Kei nods. “Did you read mine?”

Kei thinks for a second. He remembers scrolling through the Google Sheets page with Kuroo and Kotaro and not paying a ton of attention.

“I think I remember seeing your name,” he says. He’s not lying, he does, but he doesn’t really know where Tadashi’s going with this.

“Do you remember what I put for the favorite movie question?” Tadashi asks. Kei laughs and shakes his head.

“If I had known you were going to become one of the most important people in my life, I would have paid more attention to that Google sheet.”

Tadashi blushes. Kei smiles at his rosy, strawberry cheeks. He wants to press his lips to the Cygnus constellation he finds but he doesn’t want to make Tadashi anxious. Kei runs his thumb over the other boy’s knuckles. “Well, what did you put?”

Kei shrugs. “Jurassic Park.” Tadashi looks up at him in surprise. Kei giggles. “What? Did you think I liked space movies or something?”

“Maybe,” Tadashi mumbles with a smile. Kei can’t resist pulling him close and kissing his head. Tadashi hums and nuzzles his temple against Kei’s shoulder.

Kei thinks his heart might melt.

“Why? What are you planning?”

“Just making sure you’re gonna hate what I’m about to make you watch,” Tadashi says. Kei laughs and kisses the top of Tadashi’s head again.

“Oh no,” he chuckles. Tadashi grins up at him.

“Once you suffer through my favorite movie, you’ll be forgiven,” he says. Kei smiles down at him.

“Fair enough,” he murmurs.

Kei’s not sure what he had been expecting Tadashi’s favorite movie to be, but he was not thinking of Jane Austen. Shoyo is not in the dorm, probably at volleyball practice, So Tadashi puts the golden DVD of  _ Sense and Sensibility  _ into the PlayStation on the table across from the futon. They sit on Tadashi’s bed, wrapped up in a knitted deep blue blanket and Kei holds him half in his lap.

Kei’s almost immediately bored but Tadashi looks so engrossed that he tries to find something to be entertained by.

He likes the youngest Dashwood sister, even if he doesn’t totally understand the family tree.

Later on, he finds it almost funny when three out of the four Dashwood women are sobbing in their rooms while Elinor sips tea on the stairs in the hall.

Even Mrs. Jennings manages to make him snort a couple of times.

Most of the time, he’s fighting against the urge to fall asleep. Tadashi made him promise to actually watch the whole thing before the movie started. If this is his ticket to being forgiven, he’ll do it.

He’d do anything for Tadashi.

After what feels like nine hours later, the movie ends and Tadashi tackles him in a hug. Kei falls back against the pillows and Belana and laughs.

“Did you actually watch it all?” Tadashi asks. Kei holds up his pinkie finger.

“I actually watched all of it,” he says and Tadashi links their small fingers. Kei pulls him down and holds the back of his neck and kisses him again. Tadashi hums into his mouth and Kei slips his tongue inside. Tadashi moans and presses his body against Kei’s. Kei tilts his head back and sighs loudly. Tadashi plops down onto Kei’s chest and smiles at him.

“So. Did you hate it?”

Kei laughs and runs his hand down Tadashi’s back. “I’ve never watched a movie where nothing happened the entire time before.” Tadashi giggles and rests his cheek on Kei’s chest.

“I know it’s a weird movie to love but…” he trails off for a second and then squeezes Kei’s middle. “My grandma showed it to me when I was in middle school.”

Kei plays with some of Tadashi’s hair, twisting it around his fingers and running a hand down his back.

“Are you close with her,” Kei asks softly, even though he thinks he knows the answer. Tadashi said he got most of his childhood stuffed animals from his grandparents.

Tadashi nods. “I was. She...She died. Second year of high school. From leukemia.” Kei freezes his hands and goes a little limp.

“Oh. Tadashi, I’m sorry-”

Tadashi shrugs in his arms. “It’s...I mean, it’s not fine, but it’s over. It was two years ago.”

Kei squeezes him close and kisses his head. “If you were close to her, it’s alright if it still hurts.”

Tadashi buries his face in Kei’s chest and takes a shuddering breath. “I’m not still mad at you,” he whispers. “But I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“That’s okay,” Kei murmurs and scratches his scalp. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“No.”

“Me neither, let’s go,” Kei says. Tadashi chuckles and climbs off his bed.

“Where did I throw my phone?” He asks himself and starts searching around his room near Shoyo’s bed.

“Why’d you throw it?” Kei asks. Tadashi grabs it from under a desk and snorts.

“My-My mom called. She was pissed I hadn’t called them in months and that I haven't switched my major.”

“Bitch,” Kei says. Tadashi laughs and Kei pulls him towards him again. He’s so adorable when he laughs, eyes squeezing shut and almost doubling over with his arm braced around his stomach.

“Yeah, a little bit,” Tadashi says and rests his head on Kei’s chest. Kei’s about to say that they should head down to the dining hall but Tadashi nuzzles his face against Kei’s collarbone and his heart melts. “I like hearing your heartbeat.”

“You are too cute to be real,” Kei murmurs and kisses his head. “Now let’s go, I can feel all your ribs.”

Tadashi giggles and grabs his wallet. Kei’s phone goes off and he looks at his lock screen with a grin.

**Kuroo:** _ Tobio said you followed Tadashi out of your building and didn’t come back, you dead? _

**Me:** _ Not dead. I went to his place. _

**Kuroo:** _ You realize your chances of coming back alive from a secondary location are slim to none _

**Me:** _ Shut up, everything’s fine now _

“Everything alright?” Tadashi asks from the door. Kei nods and puts his phone in his pocket.

“Kuroo just checking in. He thinks you’re gonna murder me.”

Tadashi snorts and opens his door. “I’d never.”

“I know,” Kei says and grabs him from behind. Tadashi yelps and giggles.

“Kei!”

“What?”

“You said you haven’t eaten all day, we gotta go,” Tadashi says, turning his head up to smile at him. Kei sighs and kisses his nose.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

Tadashi still basically curls into a ball on the floor when he gets to the dining hall but Kei walks with him to get their food, his hand giving Tadashi’s a squeeze whenever he looks especially nervous.

“Just four steps,” Kei whispers and Tadashi nods when he walks away with a sandwich.

“No one’s going to hurt you,” Kei says softly when they reach for their silverware. Tadashi exhales breathily and nods again but his eyes are starting to look red and watery. “Stop for a second,” Kei says and they both put their plates down on the counter. Kei takes Tadashi but his arms and holds him for a second.

The other boy doesn’t look good.

“I-I’m sorry,” Tadashi whimpers and Kei’s heart falls. “I’m remembering things.”

“You’re okay. Do you want to step out?” Kei asks. Tadashi shakes his head.

“I-I’m hungry.”

“I know you are. But do you need a moment?”

“Is everything okay?” A young blonde girl with a name tag that says Yachi asks. Kei looks up and shakes his head.

“I think we need to step out, is there anyway-”

“I’ll keep your plates in the warmer, go outside,” Yachi says and grabs their plates, and goes back to her station next to the silverware.

“Come on, baby,” Kei whispers. “Want to go sit on the stairs for a minute?”

Tadashi nods and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. Kei turns Tadashi’s face into his chest and walks past the scanner. “Wait here a second,” he says and goes to the scanner.

“Yes?” She asks, bored.

“He’s having a panic attack, can we just walk back in when he’s okay again?” Kei asks. The girl’s eyes go wide and she nods.

“Yeah, take your time. I’ll remember you.”

Kei brushes past someone and finds Tadashi on the landing below the dining hall. He sits down next to him and pulls him into his lap. Tadashi clutches his shirt and sighs.

“Don’t apologize,” Kei says before Tadashi can open his mouth.

“I didn’t say anything,” Tadashi mutters.

“You were about to,” Kei says and strokes his hair. “Just breathe, baby, everything’s okay.”

Tadashi takes a deep breath and his trembling goes down a little bit. Kei grinds his teeth and almost wishes he could face those kids who tortured this beautiful boy for so long. He wants to scream. Hit. Make them feel everything Tadashi’s had to feel for the past few months.

“Kei?” Tadashi murmurs.

“Yeah?”

“Am...Am I your boyfriend?” Tadashi asks. Kei chuckles and Tadashi smiles and a tear rolls down his cheek.

“I’d love for you to be,” Kei says and kisses Tadashi’s forehead. “But I’ll let you decide.”

“I...I want to,” Tadashi whispers and looks up at Kei’s face. His eyes are clearer and his body’s more relaxed. Kei smiles at him and kisses him. Tadashi puts a hand on Kei’s cheek and scoots closer. His knee gets agonizingly close to Kei’s crotch and he has to swallow the moan that longs to come out of him.

“I take it your panic attack’s over,” Kei teases when he pulls away. Tadashi huffs and nods.

“Yeah.”

“Ready to go eat, baby?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and they stand back up.

Yachi hands them their food back and Tadashi leads them to a booth towards the back where not a ton of people are.

“I’m your boyfriend,” Tadashi whispers to his broccoli, and Kei grins. He’s too adorable.

“You are,” Kei says.

“I...I don’t know how to be one, is that okay?” Tadashi says. Kei reaches his arm across the table and holds his hand out. Tadashi reaches back and takes Kei’s hand.

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Kei says. “It’s more than okay.”

Tadashi beams at him and takes his hand back to keep eating. “My mom said it was my fault, again,” he says randomly. “It wasn’t. Right?”

“No, Tadashi. It wasn’t your fault,” Kei says through his teeth. “I may just have to kill her.”

Tadashi snorts. “Don’t. Even though she fucking sucks.”

Kei sighs dramatically and then his phone buzzes again. He pulls it out and opens his texts. 

**Kuroo:** _ What do you mean everything’s fine? _

**Me:** _ I might have kissed him and we’re together now. After I got a lecture, don’t worry. _

Kei watches Kuroo’s dots bounce and Tadashi leans over to look.

“What is it?” He asks.

“Just Kuroo again. Figured I’d give him an update,” Kei says. Tadashi hums and watches the dots with Kei for a little bit.

Then.

**Kuroo:** _ I’m going to punch you so hard at volleyball tomorrow. _

**Bokuto:** _ You moron good for you two crazy kids! _

**Tobio:** _ I knew already, I watched from the window but nice job getting it together _

Tadashi giggles as each new banner notification appears and Kei stops watching his screen. He just stares at his boyfriend and melts against the seat.

He fucked up last week. Badly.

He doesn’t deserve this beautiful ray of sunshine.

But he’ll fight every day to be worthy of Tadashi Yamaguchi.


	9. Legato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Shoyo?”  
>  “Yeah?”  
>  “How do you be a boyfriend?”
> 
> New boyfriends do new boyfriend things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of a filler chapter but these boys deserve it. There's some s p i c e but no TWs.   
> Enjoy!

**Kei:** _ Goodnight, baby. Sleep well _

Tadashi squeals and clutches his phone to his chest. Shoyo looks up from his laptop and grins widely. 

“You’re in a good mood,” he says. Tadashi rolls onto his side and types out a reply. He told Shoyo about everything after he and Kei got back from the dining hall. He got a massive hug and Shoyo ran down the hall to tell their RA.

Tadashi drops his phone under his pillow and stares at the TV softly playing Pokemon. Shoyo shuts his laptop and lays back on his bed, watching Ash battle with Clement.

“Hey, Shoyo?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you be a boyfriend?” Tadashi asks. Shoyo chuckles and turns his lamp off. “I’m serious, I barely even know how to be a friend.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” Shoyo says. “I know you’re new to this.”

Tadashi sighs and grabs onto Belana. “So...how do you be a boyfriend?” He asks.

Shoyo flops on his bed. “It’s kind of like being their friend but...more. It’s hard to put into words.”

“Try?” Tadashi murmurs. “Please?”

“It...It takes a little more effort,” Shoyo says. “And it varies from relationship to relationship but something Tobio and I do is just...make time for each other every day. Even if we’re swamped with school work. Maybe then we just do lunch and dinner that day and then go our separate ways to make sure our work gets done. We try to go out together once a week, doing something special. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, either. It could just be walking to the little ice cream shop on campus and then sitting in the park.”

Tadashi nods and watches Froakie jump between the trees. “What else?”

“We text each other throughout the day. He always sends me morning texts, telling me to have a good day,” Shoyo says and Tadashi can hear his smile.

“Friends but more…” Tadashi murmurs.

“But talk with Kei about it. Talk to him and find out what he likes. And tell him what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Tadashi admits and grips Belana.

“Well, what do you  _ not _ want?” Shoyo says.

Tadashi looks away from Pokemon and glances at the floor.

“You don’t have to tell me, just think about what you don’t want,” Shoyo says.

“Okay,” Tadashi whispers. “Thanks, Sho.”

“Happy to help,” Shoyo says and turns the volume up on the TV.

Tadashi rolls away from the TV and shuts his eyes. It’s been a long, exhausting day. He puts his earbuds in and lets  _ obachan’s _ favorite music lull him off to sleep.

Kei’s waiting for him outside the gym when Tadashi and Shoyo show up for the game. Kei sends him a smile that brightens the whole hallway and Tadashi jumps into his arms. Kei stumbles for a second but then wraps his arms around Tadashi’s middle and kisses his temple.

“Hey, you,” he murmurs. Tadashi smiles into Kei’s shoulder.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“I missed you,” Kei says. Tadashi squeezes Kei tighter and nuzzles his chest.

“I missed you, too,” he says and he means it. He met with Kei during the lecture and they hung out during office hours but that was this morning. They’ve been texting all day but haven’t seen each other since office hours.

“Wanna go watch the game? We’re just waiting on Kuroo,” Kei says. Tadashi nods and Kei takes his hands. Tadashi stands up on his tiptoes and gives Kei a kiss.

“Okay. Now we can go,” he says. Kei chuckles and leads him into the gym.

“Fucking hell, you’re adorable.”

Tadashi beams at him and they go to sit on the bleachers. Kei sits on the little floor between seats and leans his head on Tadashi’s thigh. Tadashi reaches out and runs his hand through his hair.

“Hey! Someone want to call Kuroo?” Daichi asks. Kotaro pulls his phone out of his bag and holds it up to his ear. Kotaro puts it down and shakes his head.

“Voicemail.”

“Hey, Kei?” Tadashi says.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Um...Shoyo said I should talk to you...about how to be your boyfriend?” Tadashi says. Kei leans his head back to look at him.

“Okay. Want to-”

“Kuroo’s not coming,” Kotaro says. “‘Kenma had a meltdown so I’m gonna stay here with him tonight, sorry about the game.’”

“So we’re short one,” Asahi muses.

Toru smirks. “Maybe not. Hey, Kei!”

Kei drops his head and frowns. “What?”

“You played in high school, right? Want to sub in for Kuroo?” Toru asks. Tadashi grins down at Kei.

“You should!” He says. “I want to see you play.”

“Listen to your boyfriend!” Yuu says. Kei frowns at them and then softens at Tadashi.

“But you wanted to talk about relationship things,” Kei says. Tadashi pushes him up and down the bleachers.

“We can. After you play,” Tadashi says. He doesn’t mention this gives him the opportunity to think about what he wants to say.

Kei glances between Tadashi and the court. “I haven’t played in two years.”

“Bad excuse,” Hajime says.

Kei flips him off and then takes Tadashi’s hands. “I don’t want to leave you alone here.”

“You won’t be,” Tadashi says. “I can cheer for you.”

Kei sighs and looks over his shoulder at Kotaro spinning a ball in his hands. “You sure you’ll be alright alone on the bleachers?”

Tadashi nods. It’s not like last time, where he was alone with Kenma and devastated that Kei was gone.

“I’ll be fine.”

Kei smiles softly and kisses him. Tadashi holds his cheeks and bites at his lip. Kei pulls away and presses their foreheads together. “Just shout if you want me to come back and sit with you. They can sub someone out if we need to.”

Tadashi nods and lets Kei run over to the court. Kotaro throws some shorts and a t-shirt at him and Kei hides behind the bleachers to change.

“No looking, Tadashi,” Yuu teases and Tadashi blushes. He wasn’t going to look, but now he’s thinking about what Kei’s chest and stomach might look like. Long, lithe, lightly toned.

He really wants to run his hands down his body.

There’s an urge to go to the bathroom and touch himself, but Tadashi resists. It feels wrong to do that in a public restroom.

Kei runs out from behind the bleachers and tosses his jeans and long-sleeved shirt onto the seats. Tadashi gives a little cheer and Kei winks at him.

“Don’t flirt the whole time,” Toru says. “We do need you for the game.”

Kei snorts and Tadashi claps his hands a tiny bit as Kotaro goes to the back to serve. He remembers watching Kuroo send Kenma little looks of love, winks, and even some kisses while he was on the court, and Tadashi wonders if Kei will do anything like that.

The sounds of the ball don’t bother him.

The only sting in his hand is the one from clapping when Kei blocks the ball or spikes a point.

When he starts feeling alone, he moves closer to the court.

No memories of being rammed with a ball or hit in the locker room rise up or swallow him whole.

He’s present for the whole game.

Shoyo’s side wins but once it’s over, Kei rushes over to him and picks him up. Tadashi laughs and manages to wrap his legs around Kei’s stomach.

That thought to touch himself comes back and he banishes it quickly.

“Are you okay?” Kei whispers. Tadashi nods and holds Kei’s cheeks. Kei pecks Tadashi’s lips and leans their foreheads together.

“I’m okay. I promise.”

Kei comes out of the bathroom with his normal clothes back on and takes Tadashi’s waiting hand.

“Sorry our conversation got interrupted,” he says. Tadashi swings their hands a little and smiles.

“It’s okay. I told you to play,” Tadashi says. “You...You’re really good.”

Kei pulls him closer and kisses his head. “Thanks, baby. Want to drive around and talk about boyfriend stuff?”

Tadashi nods and pulls away from Kei so they can get in the car. Kei starts the engine and steers the car towards the other end of the parking lot.

“So...Shoyo said you...you might have things you want from me?” Tadashi starts shyly. “Relationship wise?”

“Well...I just...I guess I just want us to communicate with each other. Be ourselves but let each other know when we need something from the other. And...I don’t know. Try to make it happen to the best of our abilities.”

“I-I don’t really know what that means,” Tadashi admits. Kei shrugs and turns onto the road.

“Just...tell me if I’m doing something you don’t like. Are there things you would not like me to do? I remember you said you didn’t like it when people touched your face.”

Tadashi runs his fingertips over his cheekbone. His face stings with phantom slaps and punches and prodding fingers. “You remember that?”

“Well, yeah. You showed me how kids would poke your face and call you names,” Kei says.

“They…” Tadashi takes a deep breath. “They didn’t just poke me.”

Kei stays silent and Tadashi pulls on his fingers. Kei takes a breath and glances at him. “Did they hit you?”

Tadashi nods and mimes someone slapping his face. Then curls his hand into a fist and repeats the slow motion. One of Kei’s hands leaves the steering wheel and squeezes Tadashi’s knee.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. Tadashi shrugs.

“It’s okay. It’s over now.”

Kei takes his hand away and clutches the wheel again. “So would you like me not to touch you there?”

“Not my face,” Tadashi says softly. “Maybe one day I’ll let you but...not right now.”

“Don’t try to force it, baby,” Kei says and then smirks. “There are plenty of other places I can touch you.”

Tadashi blushes and squirms a little in his seat. A warm pulse grows in his crotch and he shivers to get rid of the feeling.

“What else? What other things do you not want me to do?” Kei says. Tadashi wrings his hands together and shrugs.

“Just...don’t disappear again,” he says softly. Kei takes one of his hands and rubs Tadashi’s knuckles with his thumb.

“I won’t. Never again,” he says seriously.

Tadashi smiles at their hands and squeezes. “Um...Tobio and Shoyo like to...go on little dates every week. Can...Can we do that?”

“Of course we can,” Kei says. “Maybe we can arrange a time to see each other somewhere other than my office hours every day?”

Tadashi nods and lets Kei put his hand back on the steering wheel. “Could we eat together? It doesn’t have to be every meal but you make me feel safe in dining halls.”

Kei smiles and looks over at Tadashi for a second. “We can do that. I can meet you at your dorm for breakfast. I wake up really early.”

Tadashi thinks about getting off the elevator every day and seeing Kei in the lobby. Being able to take his hand while they walk across the parking lot to have breakfast together.

“Yes please,” Tadashi says. “And...can we text each other? Throughout the day?”

“We better,” Kei chuckles. “I miss you during the day.”

Tadashi smiles again and nods. “I miss you, too.”

“God, you’re so cute,” Kei murmurs. “Anything else you want to talk about? Date nights, no touching your face, no ghosting, texting as much as possible during the day, eating together. Anything else?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “Do-Do you have anything? Or...maybe...we should talk about…” he blushes.

“Sex?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods. “Do you want to wait and take it slow or…?”

“Not...Not slow,” Tadashi murmurs. “But...when it feels right for both of us? I just...I just know I want to. I’ve never done it before. Have you?”

“One time in high school,” Kei says. “It wasn’t...good. Probably because neither of us knew what we were doing. But now I know where we went wrong. I won’t make you feel that uncomfortable.”

Tadashi chuckles and nods. “Okay. So when it feels right?”

“When it feels right,” Kei agrees and pulls into Tadashi’s dorm parking lot. Tadashi unbuckles and turns in his seat.

“Can...Can I kiss you goodbye?” Tadashi asks. Kei doesn’t reply. He wraps an arm around Tadashi’s shoulders and places his hand on his neck and kisses him. Tadashi grabs Kei’s face and kisses him back hard and passionately. Kei moans into Tadashi’s mouth and pushes a hand under Tadashi’s shirt and runs it up his stomach. Tadashi sighs and slumps forward into Kei’s hand. The heat is back in his crotch and he paws at Kei’s thigh.

“Tadashi-” Kei groans and grabs his hips and pulls him onto the center console. Tadashi’s shoes bump the driver’s side window and Kei bites and sucks at his neck. Tadashi throws his head back to give Kei better access and he grips at Kei’s shirt. His groin bumps Kei’s stomach and he moans into Kei’s hair and then Kei pulls away.

“Little more than a kiss goodbye, huh?” He murmurs. Tadashi has half a mind to tell Kei to throw him onto the back seat and fuck him senseless right here right now but he doesn’t. He just runs a finger along Kei’s jaw and nods while breathing heavily. “I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast?”

Tadashi nods and slips off the console. “Good night, baby,” Tadashi says and blushes. Kei’s eyes go wide for a second and then smiles back.

“Sleep well, Tadashi,” he says. Tadashi grins and shuts the door. He heads back into the building, gets in the elevator, and waits for the ninth floor. His phone buzzes and he takes it out of his pocket.

**Kei:** _ If we weren’t in your dorm parking lot, I would have had my hands all over you _

Tadashi’s breath catches and he types out a reply that he’s sure is riddled with spelling errors and he puts it back in his pocket.

There’s a strain at the front of his jeans and he clasps his hands over his crotch. Thankfully, the hall is empty and he darts to his room. Shoyo isn’t back yet and Tadashi drops his backpack down. He stands there for a second, almost moaning at the friction in his pants and thinking about Kei’s mouth on his neck and hands on his hips. Tadashi looks at his shower caddy and grabs it.

The shower is blissfully empty and no one hears his moans and gasps over the crashing water.

Tadashi’s alarm goes off earlier than normal and he sees two texts from Kei. One telling him good morning and he blushes when he reads that he called him beautiful. The other one says he’s like five minutes away and Tadashi jumps out of bed. He gets changed and packed as quietly as he can and slips out the door. Shoyo will know where he’s gone. Tadashi told him everything about his and Kei’s conversation when Shoyo came home. Tadashi walks down the hall and presses the elevator button. Kei texts him saying he’s in the lobby and Tadashi smiles.

**Me:** _ Getting in the elevator now see you soon _

Tadashi puts his phone away and bounces on the balls of his feet while the elevator heads down. The doors roll open and he runs out and dashes into Kei’s arms. Kei pulls him close and kisses his forehead.

“Good morning, baby,” Kei says. Tadashi looks up and smiles at Kei’s still sleepy-looking face.

“Good morning,” he whispers.

“You ready to go?” Kei asks and kisses him slowly and gently. Tadashi rises on his toes to get closer and nods when he pulls away.

“Can...Can we walk to lecture together?” Tadashi asks. Kei takes his hand and kisses his knuckles.

“Of course we can,” he says and then opens the door up for Tadashi to slide through. “Did you sleep okay?”

Tadashi nods and tries not to think about stroking himself in the shower and how he just slumped against the wall when he was done like his strings had been cut. He’d stumbled back into his room and collapsed on his bed, tiredly telling Shoyo about what he and Kei talked about. He tries not to think about dreaming about that moment in Kei’s car but bent over a lowered backseat with a cozy pressure inside him and a hand on his throat. He tries not to think about waking up in a tiny puddle and having to wipe himself down with tissues before heading out the door.

“Did you?” Tadashi says instead and Kei rubs his knuckles with his thumb. Kei nods and watches Tadashi for a second.

“I dreamed about you,” he says in a low voice and runs a hand down his back so it rests at the small of it.

Tadashi shivers and stops walking. The little lobby in front of the stairs leading to the dining hall is empty and Kei keeps glancing at the bathroom door. “Wh-What about me?” Tadashi whispers.

“Just you,” Kei says. “In my arms. You were smiling and I was telling you you were beautiful.”

Kei’s quiet for a second and then the hand on Tadashi’s back slips down to his ass. “We weren’t wearing anything. I was inside you.”

Tadashi gasps and grabs Kei’s wrist. The men’s bathroom is for only one person and he pulls him in and locks the door.

“We’re not doing it in a bathroom,” Kei murmurs, coming up behind Tadashi and pressing him against the door. His hand slides over his hips and onto his crotch. “Not for our first time.”

“No,” Tadashi agrees. “But you better put your hands on me right now.”

Kei chuckles and grips his groin gently. Tadashi moans and presses his back against Kei’s chest. “Your wish is my command, sweetheart,” Kei says and bites at Tadashi’s earlobe. His fingers move expertly and Tadashi’s jeans are unbuttoned and unzipped in an instant.

“Kei,” Tadashi murmurs and Kei’s hand lays flat on Tadashi’s throat.

“What do you want, baby?” Kei asks and his hands slips under Tadashi’s underwear waistband. “Do you want me to stroke you?”

Tadashi whines and nods and bucks his hips into Kei’s hand. Kei grins against Tadashi’s temple and grabs a hold of him. His hand moves slowly up and down and Tadashi bites his lip to keep from moaning.

“I wanted to do this last night, in the car,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi’s breath catches and he whines in pleasure when Kei’s thumb fiddles with his tip. “I just didn’t want anyone to see.”

“Want-Wanted it...too,” Tadashi stammers and has to bite the inside of his cheek when Kei picks up his pace. The heat and pleasure build and build and paints Tadashi’s entire body and he has to bite his lip again. He moans into Kei’s shoulder and thin white liquid squirts out of him and lands on the door. Tadashi slumps against Kei’s body and Kei takes his hand out of his pants and wraps them around Tadashi’s middle.

“Good boy,” Kei whispers and gives him a kiss on the temple. Tadashi laughs breathily and pulls his pants back on.

“We should clean that up, huh?” He teases. Kei snorts and releases him. He grabs some paper towels and brings them to the sink.

“Was...Was that okay?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and Kei winks at him while he wipes off the door.

“Very good,” Tadashi says softly. Kei pulls him close and kisses him again. Tadashi hums in contentment and nips at Kei’s bottom lip and runs his tongue over it.

“I love you,” Kei murmurs. “You don’t have to say it back, yet, I just wanted to say it.”

Tadashi blushes and wishes the words wouldn’t get stuck in his throat. He gives Kei another quick kiss and the two of them walk out of the bathroom. Tadashi holds his hand firmly and doesn’t let go until they’re sitting in their booth.


	10. Luminosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Tadashi. What do you want to do for your birthday tomorrow?” Shoyo asks. Kei chokes on his water and Tadashi shrinks in the seat beside him.  
> Tobio raises an eyebrow at Kei. “You okay?”  
> “I’m fine,” Kei says and looks at Tadashi. “You didn’t tell me your birthday was coming up.”  
> “I-I didn’t tell anyone,” Tadashi says. Kotaro frowns.  
> “Then...how does-”  
> “I saw it on your student information page. You left it up on your laptop early in the semester,” Shoyo says.
> 
> Tadashi's first birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, would anyone like more just pure friendship and boyfriend fluff? Here you go. I don't think there are any TWs this chapter. We're being wholesome.  
> Enjoy!

“Ow!” Kei whines and grabs his arm while Kuroo pulls his fist back. “What the fuck, Kuroo?”

“I told you I was going to punch you,” he says and adjusts his backpack. “And I missed the volleyball game so I had to do it now.”

“Had to?” Kei grumbles. Professor Ito’s office door opens and he ushers Kei, Kuroo, and Bokuto in.

“Everything alright here?” He asks.

“Fine,” Kei says and cuts eyes at Kuroo. Professor Ito sighs and turns a page over in the giant packet of papers he has in front of him.

“Well, as you three know, our second exam is coming up, our midterm. This is a time I like to check in with my TAs and see how they think their students are doing and how they themselves are doing.”

Kotaro glances at Kei. All three of them wait for Ito to keep going.

“Um, I think we’re doing fine?” Kotaro says. “My attendance is down a little bit but I have a bunch of kids who haven’t missed a section.”

“Same,” Kei says. “Most of my students still come.”

“I’ve lost some people but they dropped the whole class so,” Kuroo shrugs. “The others come every week.”

“Good,” Ito says. “Do you have your midterm self-assessment forms?”

Kei and Kotaro put theirs on Ito’s desk and Kuroo scoots forward a little bit. “Yes, Kuroo?” Ito says, sounding bored.

“I didn’t get to finish it. My boyfriend had a bad meltdown last night and he’s still...recovering. I can bring it to you tomorrow he’s doing a lot better-”

“I’m not interested in your excuse,” Ito says. “And I don’t see why you’re associating with someone who’s clearly not able to-”

“He’s a better student than any of my own combined,” Kurro interrupts. “It’s just midterms kind of intruded on his routine and it stressed him out. I’m not sorry my boyfriend is more important than a self-assessment form.”

Ito doesn’t give much of an indication that he heard Kuroo. “Bring it tomorrow, I don’t care about your excuse or your partner.”

Kuroo leans back and grinds his teeth.

“That’s all I needed from you three, you can go. Make sure to review the material with your students.”

Bokuto practically sprints out of the room, followed by Kei and then Kuroo.

“I forgot how much he sucks,” Kei mutters. Kuroo’s fists keep clenching and unclenching and he looks like he’s trying not to cry.

“How is Kenma?” Kotaro asks. “What happened, anyway?” Kuroo sighs and takes his phone out and types something before slipping it back in his pocket.

“He’s doing better. He was nonverbal all of yesterday after it happened and this morning. But he seemed more like himself today and felt well enough to go to the classes he wouldn’t have to talk in.

“That’s something,” Kotaro says. “Did something happen?”

Kuroo shrugs. “Not really. I think it was just a build-up of having his routine interrupted over and over this week and then he was able to tell me that he just got touched in wrong ways too much yesterday so...it just happened.”

“But he’s okay now?” Kei asks.

“He’s better. He bounces back fast,” Kuroo says. “What’d you do about the volleyball game?”

“Kei played for you,” Kotaro says. Kuroo’s eyebrows rise up to his hairline and he slaps Kei’s arm.

“Jesus, fuck-” Kei stumbles and Kotaro laughs loudly. “Will you stop hitting me?”

“No.”

Kei grumbles and rubs his arm. His phone buzzes and he takes it out of his pocket. He reads Tadashi’s message and smiles.

“Aww, little boyfriend message?” Kotaro asks and Kei shoves him away.

“He found a pretty tree,” Kei says with a smile and types a reply, and puts his phone in his pocket.

“Damn, you’re whipped,” Kuroo says. “Didn’t you tell him ‘I love you?’”

“Leave me alone, Kuroo,” Kei says playfully. “And yes, yes I did.”

“Did he say it back?” Kotaro asks. Kei bites his lip and shakes his head. “Ouch?”

“No, it’s fine. He still has feelings for me,” Kei says. “He just ‘love’ was a little strong at the moment.”

“I mean, he’s clearly smitten with you so,” Kotaro shrugs. “Tell him to come have lunch with us and Shoyo and Tobio.”

“I did. We’re trying to eat together as much as possible,” Kei says. “He gets anxious in dining halls.”

“Do I want to know why?” Kotaro asks. 

“Or should we know why?” Kuroo asks. Kei rubs his brow and sighs. 

“I won’t tell you everything, but the short version is he has some trauma associated with cafeterias. He said I help him feel safe in them, though, so we eat together.”

“Aw,” Kuroo coos.

“I’ll let him tell you the rest if he wants to.”

Kuroo’s phone buzzes and he hisses through his teeth. Kotaro stops walking and frowns. “Kenma?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo says and types something. “I’m going to his dorm, sorry guys. He’s exhausted and needs me to-”

“You don’t have to explain,” Kei says. “Kenma’s still recovering, he’s your top priority. It’s okay.”

Kuroo sighs and pats Kei’s shoulder as he rushes off.

Tadashi sticks close to Kei as they get their food. This dining hall is bigger and Kei can tell it’s making Tadashi nervous. Kei keeps murmuring that he’s safe and no one is going to hurt him.

“It’s okay, baby,” Kei murmurs. “We’re almost with our group.” Tadashi nods but his eyes are getting pink and watery. “Do you need to step out again?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “Just...Just want to get to a booth,” he says but his voice is tight and Kei’s heart clenches.

“We’re almost there. How about we skip step four and I’ll get you a drink after you sit down?”

Tadashi nods and holds onto Kei’s sleeve while they walk to their table. Tobio, Shoyo, and Kotaro are all sitting in a long booth. Kei’s about to slide in when Tadashi gasps out,

“Can I go in the middle?”

Kei steps back and lets his boyfriend slide in first. Kei sets his plate down and goes back to get him and Tadashi some water. He comes back quickly, so Tadashi doesn’t have to be exposed to the rest of the dining hall for that long and sits down. His boyfriend instantly relaxes and starts eating slowly.

“Hey, Tadashi. What do you want to do for your birthday tomorrow?” Shoyo asks. Kei chokes on his water and Tadashi shrinks in the seat beside him.

Tobio raises an eyebrow at Kei. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kei says and looks at Tadashi. “You didn’t tell me your birthday was coming up.”

“I-I didn’t tell anyone,” Tadashi says. Kotaro frowns.

“Then...how does-”

“I saw it on your student information page. You left it up on your laptop early in the semester,” Shoyo says.

“And you just...remembered?” Tadashi asks.

Shoyo shrugs. “I mean I put it in my phone, but yeah. Of course, I remembered.”

“Oh,” Tadashi whispers and pushes food around on his plate. “I-I don’t know what I want to do.”

“Have you never had a birthday party?” Kotaro asks. Kei reaches behind Tadashi to smack him on the head. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Um...no. I haven’t had a birthday party,” Tadashi says softly. Kei rubs his knee under the table and Shoyo’s eyes go wide.

“Not even with your family?” Shoyo asks. Tadashi shrugs.

“Not really. My mom and dad suck so they never did anything that special, so I never had a party. Unless you count my grandma coming over every year with a gift and my favorite food.”

Kei’s heart shatters. Tadashi said his grandma died when he was in high school. 

He hasn’t had his birthday celebrated in two years.

“Don’t think that counts,” Tobio says.

Tadashi chuckles but it’s half-hearted and Kei pulls him closer. Tadashi sighs and leans into Kei’s body. “Want to just do something small, baby?” Kei asks.

“Yeah,” Tadashi murmurs.

“We can do it in our dorm,” Shoyo says with bright eyes. “Order some food, watch a movie you like, play a couple of games, whatever you want.”

Tadashi blushes and nods. “That-That sounds good.”

“Lucky you, tomorrow’s Friday,” Kotaro says and pulls his phone out. “Want me to text Kuroo and Kenma?” Tadashi nods and leans onto Kei again.

The urge to cause his boyfriend’s parents bodily harm is incredibly strong.

“How come you didn’t tell me your birthday was coming?” Kei asks gently. After lunch and their classes ended for the day, Kei brought Tadashi back to his dorm for a little bit while Tobio was at a meeting. Tadashi looks up from the book he’s reading for a literature class and shrugs.

“I...I kind of figured no one would care,” he says. “I didn’t know Shoyo knew about it.”

“You were just going to let the day go by without anyone celebrating it?” Kei says. Tadashi collapses onto him again.

“The only person who treated it like a special day has been gone for two years, Kei. I haven’t totally learned that there are people in my life again who care.”

Kei kisses his head and hugs his middle. “Well, I care. I want to know about things in your life. Even if you don’t think they’re a big deal. I want to know about things like your birthday. I want to know about special days for you.”

Tadashi twists around in his lap and looks up at him in awe.

Scorpius.

Leo.

Draco.

“Really?” He asks so innocently it hurts Kei’s chest. He wants to cup his face but he settles for kissing his forehead.

“Really.”

Tadashi looks thoughtful for a minute, then launches himself at Kei and wraps him up in a hug. Kei giggles and holds the other boy as close as he can. 

“When’s  _ your  _ birthday?” Tadashi whispers. Kei chuckles.

“It was in September, baby. Before we met.”

“Well, happy belated birthday,” Tadashi says and starts peppering Kei’s head with kisses. Kei laughs and grabs Tadashi’s waist and pushes him over so Kei’s on top of him. Tadashi giggles and Kei just smiles down at him. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are bright and squinting in laughter.

Kei brushes a strand of hair off Tadashi’s forehead and hums. “You are so beautiful,” he murmurs. Tadashi reaches his hands up and holds Kei’s face. His fingers drum on his cheekbones and he studies him.

“You are,” Tadashi says and traces the line of Kei’s jaw. “So pretty. Too pretty for me.”

Kei shakes his head and bends down to capture his lips. The kiss is slow and warm and Kei pushes a hand under Tadashi’s shirt.

“Take it off,” Tadashi breathes into the space between them. Kei grips the hem of Tadashi’s t-shirt and pulls it over his head. Kei sighs in awe and runs a hand down the other boy’s chest.

He’s obviously seen other men shirtless before. He’s seen boys his own age shirtless before. He knows what it looks like, Tadashi’s bare chest shouldn’t be special.

But it is. There are small, scattered freckles covering his chest and stomach. They’re fainter than the ones on his face and arms but Kei still lays down on top of Tadashi’s body and starts drawing invisible lines between them with his finger.

“What are you doing?” Tadashi asks quickly. Kei wants to cry at the tint of fear in his boyfriend’s voice.

“Just drawing,” Kei murmurs. There are a couple of places along Tadashi’s ribs where the skin turns to an almost too silky texture.

Kids used to hit him with rocks and sticks. Kei didn’t think they hit hard enough or frequently enough to permanently scar Tadashi’s skin.

Tadashi huffs an awkward laugh. “Yeah. Sorry about the marks, I didn’t think about them.”

Kei shakes his head and traces one of them. They’re faded to white so he knows they probably don’t hurt anymore but Tadashi squirms.

“Don’t...Don’t touch them,” he whispers.

“But they’re like little comets,” Kei murmurs. He traces another one and smiles. “That one’s Halley’s.”

Tadashi’s breath catches but he doesn’t say or do anything. Kei finds another one, a thin white line only a couple of inches under Tadashi’s sternum. 

“Hyakutake,” Kei whispers. He moves to one that’s shaped more like a star. The skin pulls itself downward from Tadashi’s ribs. It’s not quite a comet. And it’s not a freckle so it isn’t a star. It’s...

“Those ones are just ugly, Kei,” Tadashi mumbles. “You can’t make it-”

“Mercury,” Kei says softly. He finds another above Tadashi’s hip. “Venus.”

“Kei-” Tadashi’s voice is tight but he doesn’t tell Kei to stop.

“You’re like a little universe,” Kei says softly. “All your marks are just...pieces of the cosmos. Your cosmos.”

Kei can feel Tadashi’s shuddering breath through his fingers. “Come up here and kiss me,” he murmurs.

Kei smirks and pushes himself up to meet Tadashi’s mouth. He wraps his arms around Tadashi’s torso and presses him against his chest. Tadashi’s tongue wiggles into Kei’s mouth and he moans when their teeth bump each other.

“Stay here tonight,” Kei says and Tadashi cups his cheek. “Please.”

Tadashi just nods and pulls Kei back down on top of him. His hands roam all over Kei’s body and Kei moans into Tadashi’s mouth. His fingers knead into the flesh of his ass and Kei sighs, pulling away from Tadashi’s lips.

“Feels like all those years of volleyball served you well,” Tadashi teases. Kei snorts and kisses his neck. Then bites down and sucks. The whine that comes out of his boyfriend is incredible and Kei makes it a personal mission to get Tadashi to make that sound as much as possible. High and needy and pleading.

Kei pulls away and just stares again with a smile on his face. Tadashi blushes and looks away. “What?”

“Nothing,” Kei says and wishes he could stroke his boyfriend’s cheek. “You’re just precious.”

“You’re precious,” Tadashi whispers back.

The door suddenly opens and Kei looks up and meets Tobio’s narrowed eyes.

“Hey, roomie-”

“Shut up, I don’t wanna know,” Tobio says and heads to his bed. Tadashi coughs into his fist to hide a giggle and pulls his shirt back on. “You staying here?” Tobio asks Tadashi. He nods and lets Kei hold him against his chest. Kei doesn’t even hear what Tobio says. He just breathes in Tadashi’s scent and buries his face in his hair.

His little universe.

Friday classes pass uneventfully. Kei walks to breakfast and lecture and office hours with Tadashi and then goes off to his physics class. Shoyo keeps texting him details for Tadashi’s ‘party’ and Kuroo sends their new group chat a message that Kenma’s pretty much back to normal. Kei tries to pay attention in class but something Shoyo asked keeps ringing in his head.

_ Are you going to get him anything? _

Kei bites at his pencil and thinks about things Tadashi likes.

Pretty fall trees.

Jane Austen, apparently.

Music.

Kei.

Only two of those things could possibly be found in a physical form. He doesn’t really want to give him sheet music or something like that. It doesn’t feel that personal. He knows there’s a novelty trinket store near campus, maybe they have something Jane Austen related.

“Do you have wrapping paper?” Kei asks as soon as he gets back to his and Tobio’s dorm. They have an hour before they have to be at Tadashi and Shoyo’s and Kei just got back from the store. Tobio raises an eyebrow.

“We’re sophomores in college living in a dorm. Why the fuck would I have wrapping paper?” Tobio says.

“I can’t just hand my boyfriend an unwrapped birthday present!” Kei says frantically. Tobio rolls his eyes.

“I don’t think he’s gotten a birthday gift in two years. His standards for gift-giving etiquette are probably on the floor. Below the floor. Like...several meters into the Earth’s crust.”

“I know, that’s why I want to wrap it,” Kei says softly. “No one’s cared about his birthday in two years, Tobio. I just...I want him to feel special.”

Tobio blinks in shock and stands up. “Damn this boy’s made you soft,” he says. Kei rolls his eyes and digs around his drawer for something he can wrap it in. “Just wrap it up in a t-shirt and make it smell like you. I don’t think he’s going to care about how it’s wrapped when it’s coming from you. What’d you get him anyway?” Tobio asks. 

Kei holds up the shopping bag. “I-I found a mug with Jane Austen novel quotes on it.”

Tobio chuckles. “Damn, you’re in love with a giant nerd.”

“Shut up,” Kei mutters and finds a t-shirt to wrap it up in.

Shoyo lets them into the building and starts basically skipping back to the elevator.

“The others got here a few minutes ago. Try to stay a little quiet for Kenma but otherwise, he seems totally fine.”

Kei nods and rubs his thumb over the gift in his hands. “How’s Tadashi doing?” He asks. Shoyo shrugs.

“Little overwhelmed, but he’s happy. I think his parents kept calling him so he turned his phone off, in case you’re worried about why you haven’t heard from him.”

Kei just nods and tries not to grind his teeth. There’s a new, gnawing worry in the back of his head about fall break but he pushes it aside when they step off the elevator.

They can worry about that later.

Right now, Tadashi’s here and safe and happy. No one’s going to hurt him tonight.

Shoyo opens the door to their room and announces that everyone is here finally. There’s a small bundle of gifts on a desk, all awkwardly wrapped in either paper bags or clothes.

Kei puts his gift down and then grabs Tadashi in a hug. Tadashi hums happily and nuzzles his chest.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Kei whispers. Tadashi hums again and stands on his tiptoes to kiss him. Kei kisses back and runs his hands down his back.

“Hey! Love birds!” Kuroo snaps. “Sit down so we can do presents before Tadashi makes us watch  _ Pride and Prejudice. _ ”

“The Good One with Colin Firth,” Kenma adds from Kuroo’s lap, clearly quoting something someone said earlier. “Not the ‘trash one with Kiera Knightly.’”

“I-I have strong feelings about the  _ Pride and Prejudice  _ adaptations,” Tadashi shyly admits. Kei’s heart swells with adoration and pulls him in for another kiss.

“You’re adorable and we’ll watch whatever you want tonight,” Kei whispers. Tadashi blushes and leads him over to the futon. Shoyo collects all the awkward-looking gifts, four of them, and sets them on Tadashi’s lap.

“Full disclosure,” Kotaro says from the floor. “Almost all of us had to ask Shoyo about things you might like.”

“Thank you, guys,” Tadashi murmurs and carefully unwraps one covered in a deconstructed paper bag.

“That one’s from me and Tobio,” Shoyo says.

“You also don’t have to be careful with the wrapping, that’s literally a Trader Joe’s bag,” Tobio adds. Tadashi blushes.

“But… you guys got it for me,” Tadashi says softly. Kei huffs a laugh and kisses Tadashi’s head.

“Take your time, baby.”

Tadashi leans into Kei and pulls the wrapping off a couple of books of sheet music. They’re generic classical pieces but Tadashi holds them like they’re precious.

“I know you’re swamped right now,” Shoyo says. “But I thought you’d like some pieces to play once you have some time.”

“Sho-” Tadashi murmurs and holds his arms out. Shoyo smiles and pulls him into a hug. Kei grins at the mess of orange hair.

He’s enraged and heartbroken that his boyfriend didn’t have a friend until he got to college. But he’s glad his first one is Shoyo Hinata.

“You’re a good friend,” Shoyo whispers. “You deserve it.”

Tadashi pulls away with wet eyes and Kei places another gift in his hands. There’s an owl drawn on the wrapping paper so Tadashi looks at Kotaro.

“Yeah, that’s mine. Don’t worry about the paper, that’s my old chemistry assignments.”

Tadashi grins and rips the paper. Kotaro hums.

“That was oddly cathartic for me,” he muses.

“You’re an idiot,” Kuroo says.

Kei watches the papers fall away and Tadashi giggles at the tiny stuffed Bulbasaur and hugs it to his chest.

“Yeah I had to ask Shoyo but Walmart came in clutch,” Kotaro says.

“I love it,” Tadashi murmurs and rubs his cheek on the little bloom on the creature’s back. “Thank you.”

Kuroo and Kenma’s gift is a bag full of candy and Kuroo rubs the back of his neck. “It’s not super creative but we’ve both been a little house-bound for the past few days.”

Tadashi shakes his head and rips open the bag of Swedish Fish. “It’s perfect,” he says and pops one in his mouth.

“The last one’s from your boyfriend,” Tobio says and wraps his arms around Shoyo. Tadashi looks up at Kei and smiles so brightly the sun should feel intimidated. Kei places the mug wrapped in a t-shirt in his boyfriend’s hands and kisses him.

“‘If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy,’” Kei murmurs. Tadashi’s eyes well up and he stammers for a second.

“That’s-Marianne said that. I-In the novel,” he says. Kei nods and glances down at the bundle in Tadashi’s hand. Tadashi carefully peels off the piece of tape keeping Kei’s t-shirt closed and pulls out the cream-colored mug covered in cursive writing. He turns the mug in his hands and then goes wide-eyed. “It’s covered in quotes. From her novels,” Tadashi says.

“Marianne’s?” Kotaro asks.

“No, you moron, Jane Austen,” Tobio says.

“You didn’t even like  _ Sense and Sensibility, _ ” Tadashi says softly. Kei shrugs. 

“But you do,” he says. “That’s what matters.”

Tadashi sets the mug on the floor before barreling into Kei’s body with a hug. “Thank you,” he says. His voice is muffled from Kei’s sweatshirt and Kei holds him close and peppers his head with kisses.

“You’re welcome, babe,” he murmurs. Tadashi pops up and goes over to an electric kettle on his desk. He pours some warm water into the mug, grabs a tea bag and plops it in, and sits down next to Kei. He takes a sip and smiles into the mug.

“Thank you all so much,” he says. Kotaro slaps his knee.

“Hey, what are friends for?” He says. Tadashi’s lip starts trembling and his eyes well up and Kotaro looks terrified. “Oh, God. I-”

“He’s happy,” Kei says calmly as Tadashi curls into his chest and sobs. Kei wraps him up in a hug and kisses his head again. Tadashi nods and sniffles.

“I-I’m not used to this,” he says.

“We know,” Kei says and tips his chin up to look at him. Tadashi sniffs again and wipes his eyes. “But we’re going to make sure you get used to it. Because we love you.”

Tadashi lets his head fall back onto Kei’s chest and he mumbles through tears, “I love you guys, too.”

Kei wishes he could tackle him in a hug but he doesn’t. Shoyo stands up and puts the movie into the PlayStation and sits on the floor.

“Ready to watch?” He asks. Tadashi nods and curls up in Kei’s lap.

Kei doesn’t pay a ton of attention to the movie. He’s far too focused on running his fingers up and down Tadashi’s arms and dropping small kisses on his neck. The lights are off but the white lights illuminate the room enough that Kei can see his skin and he grins.

Tadashi’s neck has freckles on it. 


	11. Treble Clef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one’s ever touched his face without the intention of hurting him. He wants to know what Kei’s feeling. He wants to know what it’s like to have someone hold his cheeks and stroke under his eyes and kiss his jaw. His stomach swirls in terror but he looks Kei in the eye and stammers for a second.  
> “What is it, baby?” Kei asks.  
> “I-” Tadashi breaks off and takes a shaky breath. “I want...I want you to try...I want you to touch my face,” 
> 
> Fall Break is fast approaching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big ole TW here for abuse, both emotional and physical, and bullying references. Please take care of yourselves. This is just a couple thousand words of angst.  
> Enjoy!

Tadashi reaches the hand that isn’t writing notes on the lecture down and nudges Kei’s hand. He watches Kei smile out of the corner of his eye and then their pinkies link and Tadashi sighs in contentment. They’ve made a habit of holding hands or pinkies during lectures over the last couple of days. It’s a nice grounding thing since Tadashi’s still whirling from his birthday party last night.

Professor Ito explains that their next exam is the day before they go on fall break and Tadashi’s stomach turns. He’s already applied to stay in the dorms over break but he hasn’t told his parents. He’s still ignoring their calls and texts. Kei takes his whole hand and squeezes.

“You’ll do fine,” he whispers. “We’ll review every day at my office.”

Tadashi nods but it doesn’t stop the hand taking notes from shaking. His phone buzzes again and he can feel the angry text through his jacket. He scrolled through his notification wall and read everything his parents have been sending. He hates every message.

Some are articles about failed musicians and where they’re at now.

Some are his dad accusing him of breaking his mom’s heart.

Some are his mom calling him cruel and selfish.

In others, Tadashi can’t figure out what they’re trying to tell him. They remind him of the messages kids used to send him in high school, once they figured out how to hide behind a string of numbers.

_ You’re tearing this family apart. I hope you’re happy. _

_ I wish we never had you. _

_ You never used to be like this _

_ You can’t blame us for things that happened to you. _

He hasn’t told Kei about the texts yet. He knows some of those messages are just his parents trying to get a reaction out of him.

Just like his bullies used to do.

Maybe his parents are just more bullies he never managed to escape from. That he can never escape from.

He doesn’t realize he’s stopped taking notes and has fallen against Kei’s shoulder until an arm is around him and Kei’s voice murmurs in his ear, “What’s wrong, baby?”

Tadashi shakes his head but writes on the corner of his notebook.

_ I hate my parents _ .

Kei leans a little closer to read what he wrote and frowns. Before he can open his mouth, Tadashi takes his phone out, unlocks it, opens the group chat with his parents where all the messages are, and hands it over to Kei.

Kei scrolls through and his frown grows deeper and deeper as he keeps going. “Have you told them you’re not going home for break?”

Tadashi shakes his head and scoffs. “Can’t wait to see how they handle that information.”

Kei slips his phone back in Tadashi’s backpack and sighs. “I’m so sorry, angel.”

Tadashi doesn’t say anything. He just shuts his eyes and lets Professor Ito’s voice flow over him.

He’s going to have to make that phone call tonight.

That should go horribly.

“I know we’re only at midterms, but I want to present your final project now since it’s going to take a lot of work,” Tadashi’s piano professor says and pulls up a powerpoint. “For your final, I want you to compose an original piece. You can take inspiration from anything you’ve played this semester or any of the pieces we’ve studied. It should be about two to three minutes long and I want you to name it. Then, on the last day of finals week, we’re going to present via a recital that will take place on December 20th and eight. I know that’s over a month away, but start thinking about it. Start composing now.”

Tadashi takes a calming breath and writes down the dates in his planner. He bites his lip and writes something else down.

Maybe it’s a cringy name. But it makes him smile.

“Do you want me to go?” Kei asks and Tadashi shakes his head. He’s not sure he can actually make this call if he’s not sitting in Kei’s lap in a cocoon of his arms. Kei squeezes him closer and kisses the tip of his ear. “You can do it, Tadashi,” he murmurs. “It’ll be over soon.”

Tadashi sighs and presses the audio call button on his dad’s text chain. He brings the phone up to his ear and listens to the dial tone. Finally, there’s a click and an exhausted sigh.

“Well, well, well. Look who finally remembered he has a family,” Hiroshi says. Tadashi grinds his teeth. “Do you have something you want to tell your mother and me?”

“I do, actually,” Tadashi says. He looks back at Kei, who nods.

“We’re waiting,” Niko’s voice says from the other end. Tadashi’s face feels hot and he can feel his whole body shaking. “I-” Tadashi squeezes his eyes shut and a sob bubbles out of him. There’s a scoff on the other end of the phone.

“Jesus Christ didn’t think you’d have this much trouble apologizing to us,” Niko says. Kei holds him tighter and Tadashi exhales shakily.

“I-I’m not...I’m not coming home. F-For fall break,” he stammers.

There’s a second of silence before Hiroshi starts laughing. Tadashi whimpers and presses closer to Kei. 

He hates his father’s laugh. 

When he was in elementary school and he started getting teased he told his parents right away. He told them the names his classmates called him. He told them that they pelted him with rocks and broken pencil tips while he was sitting in class. He told them about how they chased him through the playground throwing stones at him and hitting him with sticks. 

He told them he didn’t know how to make them stop.

And Hiroshi had laughed.

He laughed at the names. He laughed at the image of his son getting hit with things while the teacher kept lecturing. He laughed at the idea of someone chasing Tadashi down with a stick.

He laughed when Tadashi said he didn’t know what to do.

_ “Man, someone can’t take a joke,” Hiroshi says when he finally stops laughing. Tadashi wraps his arms around his stomach and sniffs. _

_ “I don’t think it’s funny,” he mumbles. Hiroshi chuckles and wipes his eyes.  _

_ “Lighten up, Tadashi,” he says. “Why do you have to be so sensitive?” _

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hiroshi says. “Of course you’re coming back.” Tadashi tries not to sound like he’s crying. He doesn’t want his father to make fun of him when he’s trying so goddamn hard to be brave.

“No. No, I’m not,” Tadashi says and his voice wavers. “I’ve already applied to stay in the dorms.”

“You did that without telling us?” Niko asks. “How could you?”

“I-I don’t...I don’t want to be with y-you,” Tadashi says and a tear lands on his thigh. Kei rubs his hands down his arm and back and whispers soothing words.

“You’re okay. You’re doing fine,” he murmurs.

“We are your parents,” Hiroshi hisses into the phone. “We are your family, your flesh and blood. You are to respect us. And over the past three months, we have barely heard from you, you haven’t done any of the things we’ve asked of you, you claim we’re abusive, and now you refuse to come home for fall break. I don’t know who or what corrupted you over there but your little rebellion is over. You are coming back here for break, do you understand!” He finishes shouting and Tadashi flinches in Kei’s arms.

“No, I’m not!” He cries out and Kei reaches out and gently pries the phone out of his hands. Tadashi lets him and wraps his arms around his stomach and just sobs. There’s a soft beeping tone and then Kei’s arms are back around him. Tadashi collapses into him and starts sobbing freely. “I’m not going back,” he mumbles.

“I know, baby, I know,” Kei says and presses a kiss to his hairline. “You don’t have to.”

Tadashi bites his lip and covers his face with his hands. “I hate them,” he whispers. Kei pulls him closer and rubs his back.

“I hate them, too.”

There’s a soft knock on the door and Koushi steps in. “Hey. I heard some shouting, is everyone okay?”

Tadashi shakes his head and buries himself in Kei’s shoulder. “He had to tell his parents he’s staying here over the break and...they didn’t take it well,” Kei says softly.

There’s another warm hand on Tadashi’s arm and Koushi’s voice says, “Tadashi? Are you staying here because it’s not safe for you at home?”

Tadashi shudders and shakes his head. “They-They don’t hit me,” he hiccups. He can feel Kei’s sigh.

“They’re still abusive,” Kei says. “It’s more emotional stuff, but still.”

Koushi hums and rubs Tadashi’s arm. “Well while you’re living in this building on this floor, you’re my responsibility. Not to mention, you’re an adult. You don’t have to do anything your parents say when you’re here.”

Tadashi nods too many times and tries not to think about what his parents would say if he told them he’s an adult who doesn’t have to listen to them.

“Everything will be okay,” Koushi says and his hand leaves Tadashi’s shoulder. “I’m right down the hall if you need me.”

Tadashi listens to his footsteps retreat and the door clicks closed. Kei holds onto Tadashi and kisses his head again.

“I wish I could bring you home with me,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi sits up and blinks at Kei.

“Why can’t I?” He asks. Not accusingly, just curious. Kei blushes and looks away. Tadashi’s eyes go wide. He’s never seen Kei look sheepish before.

“I-I haven’t told my family yet. That I’m gay. I guess it would only be my mom and my brother but...I haven’t felt ready yet,” Kei admits. “I’m sorry,” he adds.

“Why are you sorry,” Tadashi murmurs. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Do you...think she’d be mad? Your mom?”

Kei shrugs. “My brother told her he’s bi a couple of years ago and it was...It wasn’t bad it was just awkward for a little while.”

Tadashi hums and fiddles with his boyfriend’s fingers. Kei chuckles under his breath and intertwines their fingers.

“I’m so sorry you have to deal with this,” Kei murmurs, nodding at Tadashi’s phone. Tadashi shrugs and lays down next to Kei’s leg.

“I’m used to it at this point,” he mumbles.

“You know that’s even worse, right?” Kei asks with a grin. Tadashi snorts and nods into Kei’s leg. “Do you live far away?”

Tadashi shrugs. “It’s a two-hour drive.”

Kei hums and strokes his hair. Tadashi smiles and scoots closer.

“Can I kiss you?” Kei asks. Tadashi slides up Kei’s body and grabs his face and presses his lips to his boyfriend’s. Kei holds his neck and puts a hand on his chest to push him down against the pillows. “You were so brave,” Kei murmurs against his lips and Tadashi lets him pull his shirt off over his head followed quickly by Kei’s own sweatshirt. “I know they were cruel to you, but you stayed so strong.”

“I cried,” Tadashi points out in a whisper. Kei follows the tear tracks Tadashi can feel on his face with his eyes.

“That doesn’t mean you weren’t brave. That doesn’t mean you aren’t one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

Tadashi’s eyes go wide and he rubs his thumb over Kei’s cheekbone. Kei leans into the contact and Tadashi’s hit with a wave of desire.

No one’s ever touched his face without the intention of hurting him. He wants to know what Kei’s feeling. He wants to know what it’s like to have someone hold his cheeks and stroke under his eyes and kiss his jaw. His stomach swirls in terror but he looks Kei in the eye and stammers for a second.

“What is it, baby?” Kei asks.

“I-” Tadashi breaks off and takes a shaky breath. “I want...I want you to try...I want you to touch my face,” Tadashi murmurs. Kei blinks in surprise and holds Tadashi’s hand and rubs his palm.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to force it,” Kei says.

“I know,” Tadashi murmurs. “Bu-But I want to know how it feels. And...I trust you.”

Kei’s face melts into a soft smile and sits back on his haunches. “How do you want to do this? Do you want to sit up?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “Can you just lay on me?” Kei nods and gentles his body back on top of Tadashi.

“Open your eyes, darling,” Kei whispers. “I think that’ll make it less scary.” Tadashi shakes his head again.

“I-Just let me know when you’re going to do it.”

“Okay,” Kei says and Tadashi feels his arms lift. “Just tell me if you want me to let go.” Tadashi nods and takes a deep breath. “Here it comes,” Kei murmurs.

Tadashi inhales sharply at the feeling of Kei’s fingers creeping up his cheeks and then his palm is on him and his fingers are by his ears. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and a whimper escapes him.

“It’s just me,” Kei says gently. His thumbs move slowly along Tadashi’s cheekbones and his breath catches again. His cheeks start to sting and he hears echoing laughter and claps of Kindaichi’s palm slapping across his face.

_ “Get back on the ground where you belong, Dirt Face!” _

_ “Pathetic.” _

_ “Aww, you gonna cry?” _

Kei’s hands move and his fingertips start moving around his cheeks. Tadashi feels his bullies’ hard prodding fingers poking incessantly at his cheeks.

_ “So chubby!” _

_ “How’d you get this shit on your face?” _

_ “So fucking ugly go wash them off!” _

“I’m right here,” Kei murmurs. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

His fingers run along his jaw and cup his cheeks again. The names echo louder and louder, and Tadashi’s breath gets harder and harder to catch, and Kei’s fingers start tracing things again, and his face  _ hurts  _ and he gasps out, ready to tell him to stop, but then he hears:

“Orion.”

Tadashi’s eyes flicker open and he sees his boyfriend’s smiling face. Kei makes the same, angular drawing and smiles again. “I found Orion.”

“Wha-What?” Tadashi asks. His whole body is shaking and Kei moves down and traces one long line, a short line down, and then another long straight line.

“Vulpecula,” he says. He beams up at Tadashi. “Your freckles can form constellations.” He brings his finger over to the other side and draws a ‘W.’ “There’s Cassiopeia.”

“They’re...ugly,” Tadashi says.

“No, they’re not,” Kei replies instantly. “They’re stars. I told you you’re like a universe. A whole cosmos I can hold in my hands.”

Kei cups his cheeks again and Tadashi lets out a sob. He brings a trembling hand up and presses his palm against the back of Kei’s hand. “Do you want me to let you go?” Kei asks.

Tadashi shakes his head. The voices are gone. Their words are replaced with Kei’s.

_ “Orion.” _

_ “Cassiopeia.” _

_ “Vulpecula.” _

Kei’s hands are so warm and so soft. His touch is so tender and so  _ safe _ it almost breaks Tadashi’s heart. How can anyone be so gentle? He knew Kei’s touch was gentle and good and soft when he was tracing all the scars on his abdomen and naming them after comets and planets.

He didn’t think his touch could almost erase all the fear held in his face.

He never even let  _ obachan  _ touch his face once the bullying got bad.

He’s never felt safer than he does with his boyfriend’s hands on his face and his body pressed against his.

“I love you,” Tadashi sobs out and Kei’s touch retreats a bit. “I-I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before now but...I love you. I love you so much.”

Kei’s face softens and he kisses him. His hands holding his face and his lips on his. Tadashi sobs against Kei’s mouth and presses their foreheads together.

“I love you, too, Tadashi,” Kei murmurs. “You’re so, so brave.”

Tadashi brings his hands up between Kei’s arms and wraps his arms around Kei’s neck. He kisses him with all he has and Kei lets his hands fall to caress his chest. Tadashi lifts his knee to gently press against Kei’s groin and the other boy moans into his neck. 

“Fuck,” he murmurs. “Tadashi.”

Tadashi laughs and sniffles. “Can… Can we just cuddle for a bit? I thought I had energy for more but I don’t.”

Kei nods and pulls Tadashi on top of his and rubs his back. “Was...Was it okay?” He asks. Tadashi nuzzles into Kei’s chest and nods. He can still feel Kei’s palms on his cheeks and it’s not a sting. 

It’s warm.

Midterms pass and before he knows it, Tadashi’s saying goodbye to Shoyo. Shoyo hugs Tadashi and gives him a little squeeze. “Are you sure you don’t want someone to stay with you? Or come back with me?” Shoyo asks.

Tadashi nods and gives his roommate a squeeze. “I’ll be fine. Koushi said he and his boyfriend are staying here and that I can hang out with them if I want.”

Shoyo lets go and nods. “Okay. I’ll text you,” he says. The door opens again and Kei steps in. “I’ll see you in a week!” Shoyo adds and bounds out the door. Kei takes three long strides and wraps Tadashi up in his arms. Tadashi grips him close and breathes in his scent from his shoulder.

“I wanted to come say goodbye,” Kei whispers. Tadashi nods and bites his lip. Kei’s only going to be gone a week. He promised to FaceTime every night and that they’ll text all the time but he doesn’t want to let him go.

“You’ll call me every day right?” Tadashi whispers. Kei nods.

“Every day. And I don’t live far away if you really need me, I’ll come,” he says. Tadashi sighs and holds him a little tighter.

“I love you,” Tadashi says and looks up at Kei. Kei cups his cheek and Tadashi sighs. He presses his cheek into his boyfriend’s hand.

“I love you, too,” Kei says and brings him up for a kiss. Then there are rapid footsteps coming down the hall and Shoyo’s back in the room.

“Your parents are here!” He gasps out. Tadashi pulls away from Kei and feels like he’s going to vomit.

“But I-”

“I just saw them get in the elevator they should be here-”

“Tadashi!” Hiroshi’s booming voice echoes through the hall and Tadashi goes cold and stops breathing. He wants to reach for Kei and hide behind him but he’s frozen.

“Now.” Shoyo whimpers.

Tadashi just stares at a spot on the floor until nothing feels real. He thinks Kei’s shaking him and then four sets of footsteps come into the room.

“Tadashi. Why aren’t you packed?” Niko demands. Tadashi doesn’t say anything. He’s just trying, with everything he has, to dissociate and not have to be in this moment.

“He said he didn’t want to go with you,” Koushi’s voice says. “Now get out before I call campus police.”

“You’re just an RA,” Hiroshi taunts. “You have no real power.”

“Watch it,” Daichi’s voice growls.

“Tadashi, get packed. Let’s go. We drove all the way here,” Niko’s voice says and opens one of his drawers.

Tadashi growls and shakes his head. “I said no.”

“Stop being ridiculous and get moving, we’re losing daylight,” Niko says. She picks up the Bulbasaur on his bed and scoffs in disgust. “Where did you get this?” She asks. Then she finds Belana and gives Tadashi a look he can’t discern. “What is this?”

“Kei gave it to me. And Kotaro gave me the-”

“Doesn’t matter. Hiroshi, do they have trash bags?”

“Those are his!” Shoyo snaps. “They help him.”

Niko looks at Shoyo the same way she might look at a stray dog and scoffs again. “Help him with what? That’s ridiculous. Tadashi, I told you having things like these is going to get you bullied. I thought you were trying to not be a loser here.”

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Kei shouts and grabs Bulbasaur and Belana out of Niko’s hands. Tadashi takes them and holds them against his face and starts to cry.

“Go away! I told you I’m not coming home, just go away,” he sobs. Someone strides towards him and his mother’s slender hands grip his arms.

“And we told you that you’re being ridiculous and selfish. Look at you, you’re crying like a baby! We’re your parents, you should be happy to see us. Grateful that we drove here for you because we love you. You’ve done nothing but disgrace and embarrass us for the last three months, the least you could do is come home for a visit.”

“Koushi, call campus police,” Daichi says.

Niko reaches out and rips Belana and Bulbasaur out of Tadashi’s hands and starts to pull him towards the door.

“Your father will pack up your stuff, you and I are going to the car.”

“No,” Tadashi sobs and reaches for Kei.

“Tadashi, come now.”

“He’s an adult he doesn’t have to go anywhere with you!” Daichi says and attempts to wrestle Tadashi away from Niko. He flinches and lets out an involuntary yelp and curls in on himself.

_ “Come on, pass him around!” A boy Tadashi doesn’t know cheers with delight and claps his hands. Kindaichi lowers his drawn-back fist and smirks at Tadashi. _

_ “Stop it,” Tadashi whines weakly. His eyes are aching, cheeks burning, and nose tingling with pain. He can taste blood and he can’t tell if it’s coming from his split lip or probably broken nose. _

_ “But Akira hasn’t had a turn,” Kindaichi says and pushes Tadashi’s exhausted body towards the other boy. Tadashi collapses on the ground and curls up as Akira’s foot slams into his stomach over and over again. _

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Kei’s asking from somewhere.

“Go with your mother,” Hiroshi snarls and pushes Tadashi closer to the door. Niko grabs his arm again and Tadashi opens his eyes. He glares at Niko and tries to pull himself out of her grip.

“I’m not going with you!”

“Tadashi!”

“Let me go!”

Niko lets go and crowds him out of the room and into the hall. “We’re going home right now,” she snaps.

“I’m never going back with you! I hate you and I’m not going home with you!”

Niko’s hand moves as fast as lightning. Tadashi’s not even aware of what happened until there’s a familiar sting tingling on his cheek and a faint taste of blood in his mouth and he’s looking at the floor.

He wasn’t a second ago.

His neck aches from how fast his head was slapped to the side and a phone falls out of Koushi’s hand and hits the floor.

Tadashi lifts his head and touches the tiny spot of blood on his lip. He winces and looks at the crimson on the tip of his finger.

Everything is silent except for Kei’s heavy breathing and Daichi murmuring things to keep him calm.

“Well now look what you made me do,” Niko hisses.

“You...You hit me,” Tadashi whispers. His whole face is stinging and burning. Those echoing waves of laughter are back, bouncing around in his head. More tears roll down his cheeks and all he can think about is that he just got comfortable enough to let Kei touch his face.

“Get the fuck out of here. Right now,” Koushi snaps. “Either leave on your own or campus police will escort you out.”

“You can’t do that,” Hiroshi scoffs.

Koushi stands a little straighter. “As long as he lives in this building, on this floor, he’s my responsibility. And I’d do anything for my residents. So get the fuck out!”

Niko sighs angrily and nods at Hiroshi. Hiroshi drops a bundle of Tadashi’s clothes on the floor and pushes past Daichi and a barely restrained Kei. Hiroshi grabs Tadashi’s arm and pulls him close. He leans down and whispers, “I hope you’re happy.”

Hiroshi harshly lets him go and heads down the hall Koushi stares them down until they’re out of sight and then he turns back to Tadashi.

“Come sit down,” he murmurs. “They’re gone.”

Tadashi sobs and curls up with his knees to his chest on the futon. Koushi goes back into the hall to talk to whoever is thundering down to his room.

Probably campus police.

Kei sits down next to him and Tadashi falls into his body.

“Do you want Bulbasaur or Belana?” Shoyo asks, kneeling down in front of him. Tadashi nods and Shoyo picks them both off the floor. Tadashi tucks Bulbasaur between his thighs and his stomach and clings to Belana. He buries his face in her squishy body and sobs loudly. Kei holds him and strokes his hair and whispers soft things Tadashi can’t understand over his sobs.

“Do you want Shoyo and I to stay? I can talk to my mom and tell her something happened-”

“No,” Tadashi whines. He doesn’t want Kei to go. He doesn’t want Shoyo to go. But he also knows he can’t keep them all week. They have families to visit. Shoyo’s been missing his little sister like crazy, he can’t keep him here. “You-You have home to go-” Tadashi breaks off with a sob.

“We’ll stay with him,” Daichi says. “Koushi and I are international students, we weren’t going to go home anyway.”

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi nods and tries to breathe.

Shoyo’s small hands land on his back and rub it. “I-I gotta go. Are you going to be okay?”

Tadashi nods again and slumps against Kei. “Go see your sister.”

Shoyo snorts and rubs Tadashi’s head. “Everything’s going to be okay, Tadashi. We’ve got you.”

Tadashi smiles and lets his head fall into Kei’s lap. He’s suddenly exhausted. His face won’t stop aching and he reaches for Kei’s hand. He shuts his eyes and places his hand on his face.

He’s expecting the memory to reply on a loop. He’s expecting to see and hear his mother hit him over and over.

But instead, he feels safe and warm. He starts thinking about stars and hears Kei’s voice naming constellations and planets.

Kei’s fingers shake as he draws a triangle with a little bend in the middle. “Ca-Capricorn.”

Tadashi hums and a couple of tears roll down his cheeks.

“Baby? Do you...Do you want to go to bed?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and wipes his eyes.

“Yes, please,” he murmurs. Kei picks him up in bridal style and carries him over to his bed.

Kei sets him down and puts Bulbasaur back in his arms and covers him up with the comforter.

“I love you, Tadashi.”

“I love you, Kei,” Tadashi whispers and snuggles into his pillow. Kei slowly steps away and the door clicks shut. Someone, probably Koushi, sits down on the futon and Tadashi drifts off to sleep. 


	12. Asteroid Belt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He almost wishes Daichi didn’t hold him back. Maybe then he wouldn’t have had to watch his boyfriend’s mother hit him. He’s still shaking. There’s a message from Shoyo asking if he’s okay but he doesn’t know if he’s okay. And he can’t get comfort to make it better without coming out.  
> He was planning on doing it while he was home anyway. But he doesn’t want to do it right now. 
> 
> Kei's first day home on break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bunch of smut in this one so have that as a treat. Itty-bitty TW for not quite homophobia but I'm just putting this here to be safe.   
> Enjoy!

Kei barely remembers riding in the elevator or getting into his car. He barely remembers slamming his hands against the steering wheel and screaming for a minute before driving out of the parking lot. He barely remembers the thirty-minute drive back to his mom’s house. He pulls into the driveway and cuts the engine. He knows Tadashi is probably still asleep but he pulls his phone out and types up a text.

**Me:** _ I love you so much and hope you’re feeling a tiny bit better. If you want me to come back, even just for a visit, tell me and I’ll be there in a flash. _

Kei puts his phone down and slumps over the steering wheel. He’d never been so close to fighting someone before. He almost wishes Daichi didn’t hold him back. Maybe then he wouldn’t have had to watch his boyfriend’s mother hit him. He’s still shaking. There’s a message from Shoyo asking if he’s okay but he doesn’t know if he’s okay. And he can’t get comfort to make it better without coming out.

He was planning on doing it while he was home anyway. But he doesn’t want to do it right now. He sits up straight and quickly texts Koushi if Tadashi’s okay. He takes a deep breath and rubs his face. Fuck, he hates this. He opens his car door and gets out of his seat. He grabs his backpack from the backseat and swings it on. He walks through the front door and slips his shoes off. He hears footsteps from deeper in the house and his mom runs from around the corner.

“Kei!” Hina calls and pulls him into a hug. Kei sighs and wraps his arms around his mom and slumps a little bit.  
“Hey, Mom,” he murmurs. Hina pulls away and pats Kei’s cheek.

Tadashi’s mom had hit him on that cheek.

“Are you hungry? Was traffic okay? You’re home a little later than you said,” Hina says.

“Um, yeah. Little hungry. Traffic was fine I just...had to say goodbye to someone,” Kei says and winces at how that sounds.

“A special someone?” Hina asks and wiggles her eyebrows. Kei chuckles and rubs the back of his neck.

“Um, yeah actually. Can...Can I tell you about hi-them later?”

“Oh, of course, I’m sure you’re exhausted. How were midterms?”

“They went fine. I’ll know what I got in a couple of days,” Kei says and sits at the kitchen table. Hina nods and hands him a plate of chicken, noodles, and sauteed vegetables. Kei digs for a fork in a drawer and then a heavy hand lands on his shoulder. He looks up at Akiteru's grinning face and then his hair gets ruffled.

“Hey, you. How are you doing?” His brother asks. Kei pushes Akiteru’s hand off his head and grumbles some nonsense under his breath.

“When did you get here?” Kei asks. Akiteru shrugs and sits down next to him.

“A couple of hours ago. We thought you were going to be here at like seven, what happened?”

“It’s only eight,” Kei says. “Something...I had to take care of something.”

“Had to say ‘goodbye’ to someone,” Hina says pointedly. Kei blushes and drops his head in his hands. He hates where this conversation is headed.

“Oh yeah?” Akiteru asks and nudges Kei’s shoulder. “Are you dating someone, Kei?”

“Akiteru,” Hina says. “Don’t badger him about it. I’m sure he’ll tell us all about her soon.”

Kei ignores the sickening swirl in his stomach at that pronoun. Even when he was a kid and people joked about how he was ‘gonna get all the girls’ when he grew up, he felt like things were just...wrong. Like he wasn’t supposed to do that. He wasn’t meant to do that. Finding boys pretty just came so naturally to him. It always just felt right.

“Aw, come on,” Akiteru teases. “I’ll tell you about mine if you tell me about yours.”

Kei frowns. “You have a girlfriend now?”

“Yeah. It’s all new, that’s why I didn’t tell you. So?” Akiteru says and raises an eyebrow. Kei sighs and rubs his eyes.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Kei mumbles. Akiteru frowns for a second and then his eyes go wide. Kei sighs and looks away. He knows his brother has figured it out.

Hina, on the other hand, looks confused.

“But you said you had a special someone?” She says. Kei bites on his tongue to keep the tears from falling and takes another deep breath.

Tadashi has been so brave for the past three months. If he was brave enough to tell his awful parents that he’s not going home for break and to stand up for himself when they showed up to literally drag him off with them, Kei can be brave enough to do this.

“Mom,” he starts to say and then the rest of the words get lodged in his throat.

“Do...Do you have...a  _ boy _ friend,” Hina asks softly. Kei’s stomach churns and feels himself nod. He feels like he’s outside his body and just..watching himself play with his fingers. “But-” Hina says. Kei falls back into his body and Akiteru’s hand is on his back. “But how could you know? You’ve never dated anyone.”

Kei takes a slow breath and whispers, “Yes, I have, Mom.”

“Who? When?” Hina asks. Kei hates that it looks like she’s about to cry. He’s scared shitless and his mom’s the one who’s about to cry.

“A boy in high school,” Kei says. “First year.”

“So you’ve never even dated a girl?” Hina asks. Kei grinds his teeth and shakes his head. 

“No, I haven’t.”

“So you don’t know,” Hina says, leaning on the table. Kei feels his breath accelerate and he frowns at his lap.

“No. I do know. I’m gay, Mom,” he says. Hina sits down and stares ahead for a second.

“How can you know if you haven’t given it a chance? Kei, kids experiment in college it doesn’t always-”

“I’ve known since I was a kid, Mom!” Kei snaps. Hina and Akiteru flinch. “I’ve known forever, I just didn’t have a word for it until high school. I’ve...all my crushes were exclusively on boys. Be-Being with girls has never felt right.”

“But, Kei, you’ve never been with a girl. How can you know it doesn’t feel right?” Hina says. Kei stands up and trembles for a second.

“I just know, Mom! I don’t have to explain myself to you, I just know. I’ve known since I was little!”

“Kei-”

“Just...Just forget it,” Kei snaps and walks out of the kitchen. He heads to the back and throws open the backdoor and plops down in the garden. He’s not entirely sure why this has always been his comfort place. But no matter what’s wrong, sitting in the garden has just felt safe. Ever since he was a toddler and his dad left. He looks up at the sky and feels warm tears roll down his cheeks.

Ursa Major is out.

He traces the constellation with his eyes and finds himself missing Tadashi with such an unexpected intensity.

He wants his boyfriend in his arms and he wants to point out all the visible constellations and teach him how to find angles with his fingers.

Kei hears the door open and footsteps come towards him and his brother sits down beside him.

“Well, that didn’t go great,” Akiteru says. Kei scoffs and brings his gaze back down to earth. “Give her time. She’ll come around and everything will be-”

“Awkward as hell for four months straight?” Kei demands. Hina didn’t stop talking to Akiteru after he came out, but she clearly didn’t know what to say to him. She walked on eggshells around him for weeks.

Akiteru shrugs. “Could have been worse. It’s all just...new to her. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it is.”

“We shouldn’t have to suffer just because she can’t be bothered to educate herself,” Kei mutters. Akiteru puts his hand on his shoulder and shakes him gently.

“Just hang in there. She’ll get it together.”

Kei sighs and wants Tadashi here with him. He wants his soft, gentle body against him and his feather-light kisses. He wants his easy smiles and happy little giggles.

“Will you tell me about your boyfriend?” Akiteru asks softly. Kei smiles and rests his chin on his knees.

“His name’s Tadashi. We met during my office hours for the astronomy class I TA for. He needed some extra help and Kotaro is terrible one-on-one. We started hanging out outside of class and...I don’t know. One thing just led to another and...I fell for him hard,” Kei says and then grimaces. “Then I got scared of how much I liked him and just vanished for a week and nearly ruined everything. He came over and yelled at me and then I told him I loved him and kissed him and we got together.”

Akiteru is silent for a second and then laughs. “Fuck, he must really love you back if he saw you at your most disastrous.”

Kei chuckles and rubs his eyes. “I don’t deserve him. He’s...the strongest and sweetest person I’ve ever met and people have been so cruel to him and I just...I don’t know why he loves me back but...I’m so fucking glad he does.”

Akiteru’s smile falls. “People have been cruel to him? Has he been abused or something?”

Kei shrugs. “I mean, his parents are super emotionally abusive and...his mom hit him today.”

“What?”

“He told them he’s not going home for break and they just showed up at his dorm today. They tried to take him back with them and...his mom got mad and she hit him,” Kei murmurs.

Akiteru mutters a curse under his breath. “Jesus Christ. Is-Is he okay?”

“I stayed with him for a few minutes after it happened and he just wanted to nap. I...think he’s okay.”

“You’re gonna call him later?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Akiteru nods and nudges Kei. “Wanna know a secret?”

Kei scoffs and shrugs. “Hit me.”

“I don’t actually have a girlfriend either.”

Kei lifts his head and gapes at his brother. “You have a boyfriend, too?” Akiteru laughs and shakes his head.

“Nah. Ren’s nonbinary. They just let me tell Mom that they’re my girlfriend so she doesn’t have an aneurysm.”

Kei snorts. “That sucks.”

Akiteru sighs and leans on Kei’s shoulder. “Yeah, it kind of sucks.”

Hina is not in the kitchen or living room when Kei comes back inside. She must have gone upstairs. Kei heads up to his room and pulls his phone out. He opens up his text chain with Tadashi and hits the FaceTime button. It only rings twice before Tadashi picks up and Kei’s heart clenches when he sees how brightly he’s smiling despite how his cheek is bright red.

“Hey, baby,” Kei murmurs.

“Hi,” Tadashi says softly and adjusts the phone so Kei can see his whole body. He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed and beams at Kei. “Sorry, I forgot to reply to your text. I loved it, though.”

Kei smiles and sets his phone on his desk and sits down. “I’m glad, angel. Are you feeling okay?”

Tadashi picks at a thread on his jeans. “I’m alright. It...still hurts, but Koushi and Daichi ate a late dinner with me and calmed me down. I-I kind of broke down when I woke up.”

Kei flinches and shuts his eyes. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay,” Tadashi says sincerely. “I...kind of wouldn’t have wanted you to see me like that. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I just want to take care of you, I wouldn’t have minded. Do you want me to come back?” Kei asks, secretly wishing he’ll say yes.

“No, you should spend time with your family.”

Kei scoffs. “I kind of don’t want to,” he admits. “I-I came out today.”

Tadashi looks up at the phone and his lips part. “You did? How’d it go?”

Kei blushes and looks away. “Not great. I don’t know. My mom just kept asking how I could know if I’ve never dated a girl.”

Tadashi hisses. “I’m sorry, babe. That’s...That sucks.”

Kei huffs a laugh. “Yeah. A little bit. If she wants to talk to me about it, she can but I’m not going to bring it up again.”

“Fair enough,” Tadashi murmurs. He fiddles with his pant leg again and then whispers, “I miss you. I kept...thinking about you. In the shower.”

Kei’s stomach flips and that warm, cozy feeling settles into his groin. “Is that so?”

Tadashi chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “Y-Yeah. B-But there was someone else in the bathroom so I-I couldn’t do anything.”

Kei raises an eyebrow. “Want to do something about it now?”

“Well yeah,” Tadashi says. “But I’m talking with you right now.”

Kei hums and a smirk cracks across his lips. “Go lock your door, baby,” he says. Tadashi’s eyes go wide for a second and then he slides off the bed and Kei hears a click. Tadashi sits back down on the bed and Kei can see him shaking. “You okay?”

Tadashi nods quickly. “Just turned on,” he says softly. 

Kei grins and leans back in his desk chair. “Good,” he says. “Now take your clothes off.”

Tadashi gulps and his hands reach for the hem of his shirt. “Are you going t-to take anything off?”

Kei hums and smirks. “Nah. I’m just gonna enjoy the show,” he says softly. Tadashi laughs breathlessly and pulls his shirt off. Kei's mouth is practically watering when his boyfriend gets on his knees and starts pulling his pants and boxers down. Kei licks his lips and Tadashi’s dick springs free and one of them moans.

“Damn, you’re pretty,” Kei says and crosses his arms over his chest. Tadashi gives another breathy laugh and leans back against his pillows. “Touch yourself.”

Tadashi blinks and then cups his balls with one hand and starts stroking himself with the other. “You’re...very...demanding,” Tadashi stammers and then gasps. His cheeks are flushed and he’s already panting.

“Just do as you’re told, baby,” Kei says and almost groans at the friction in his pants. Tadashi moans and throws his head back. “What are you thinking about?”

“You!” Tadashi gasps out. “I-I like it when you tell me what to do.”

“You do?” Kei asks. Tadashi moans again and nods.

“It’s...hot…” he says and moans loudly and his other hand starts massaging his balls. Kei grins and longs to reach through the phone and just run his hands all over Tadashi.

“Go faster,” Kei says. Tadashi keeps gasping breathily and nods. His hand starts stroking faster and harder and his eyes squeeze shut. “You getting close, baby?”

Tadashi nods and whines and his hips buck into his hand. “I’m so close, Kei,” he groans and Kei has to push down on the ever-growing tent in his jeans. Hearing his name said like that is just...immaculate.

But he doesn’t want his show to end yet.

“Stop stroking,” he says. Tadashi whines and shakes his head.

“But I’m close, I want to cu-”

“I said stop stroking,” Kei says sternly, and Tadashi whimpers as he pulls his hand away. “Have you ever fingered yourself?” Tadashi shakes his head. “Do you want to try it?”

“N-Not when you’re not here,” Tadashi says and groans when his dick twitches with need. Kei hums and nods.

“Stroke yourself, again. Slowly.”

Tadashi puts his hand back around himself and starts slowly moving his hand. “Kei-”

“Keep going and if you’re good, you can speed up,” Kei says. Tadashi moans and his head falls against the wall.

“W-Want to be...good for you,” Tadashi murmurs. Kei palms at his own erection and grins.

“Then tell me who you belong to,” Kei says. There’s a swirl of anxiety in his stomach. He’s scared that it will be too much for Tadashi but the other boy hums and smiles.

“You. I belong to you,” Tadashi breathes out. Kei actually does let out a moan at those words and Tadashi smirks at him. “Can I cum now?”

“You can go a little faster,” Kei says after thinking for a second. Tadashi moans and picks up his pace.

“Please?”

“Wipe that grin off your face and we’ll see,” Kei says. Tadashi moans and his face scrunches up again. Somewhere in the back of his head, Kei thinks it’s adorable, but then he lets out a filthy groan, and Kei’s tempted to touch himself under the desk.

“Kei, please!” Tadashi whimpers and Kei rests his chin on his hands.

“Go a little faster,” Kei says.

“Kei, I’m going to-”

“Just a little longer, baby.”

“Kei,” Tadashi whines and he nearly folds over himself. His thighs are shaking and he’s leaking precome all the way down to his wrist. Kei bites his lip and covers his face as he cums in his pants at Tadashi’s next moan.

Kei sighs and looks back up at Tadashi. He’s whispering the word ‘please’ over and over and Kei grins.

“Cum all over that pretty face of yours.”

Tadashi whines loudly and ropes of white liquid shoot out of his tip and all over his chest and chin. He all but collapses onto his mattress and holds his phone with one hand.

“W-Was that good?” He asks. Kei chuckles and nods.

“You made me cum,” Kei says. Tadashi’s eyes go wide.

“How?”

Kei smirks. “You have no idea what you looked like.”

Tadashi giggles and looks over his shoulder. “I should clean off.”

“Go ahead, love,” Kei says and unbuttons his pants. He peels off his wet underwear and throws them in the laundry basket. He grabs his soft pajama pants and pulls them on and heads over to the bed. He flops down and Tadashi returns to his screen cleaned off and wearing flannel pants.

“Was it good for you?” Kei asks. Tadashi giggles and pops some pills into his mouth.

“So good,” he whispers. “I-I didn’t think I’d like you acting all dominant that much.” Kei chuckles and tucks an arm behind his head.

“I’ve never done that before,” Kei admits. “But I liked it, too.”

Tadashi hops back onto his bed and lays down on his side. “I miss you,” Tadashi whispers.

Kei reaches out and strokes his fingers over the image of Tadashi’s cheek. “I miss you, too,” he murmurs. He traces some of his freckles in an almost square with two tails on either end. “Cepheus.”

Tadashi smiles and turns his face into his stuffed Bulbasaur. “I love it when you do that,” he whispers. “Do you really see constellations in my freckles?”

“Yeah,” Kei murmurs. “I see stars in things I love.”

Tadashi turns even pinker and chuckles. “I love you a lot.”

Kei smiles. “I love you, too, Tadashi.”

“Will...you stay on the call? Just until I fall asleep?” Tadashi asks. “I kind of forgot what it’s like to sleep alone. Shoyo’s kind of noisy.”

Kei hums and nods. “I’ll stay with you.”

Tadashi sighs and shuts his eyes. “You tired me out.” Kei giggles and wishes he could kiss his boyfriend goodnight.

“Sleep well, my baby,” Kei whispers. Tadashi hums and then his breathing goes slow and steady. Kei just watches him. He’s so beautiful. His lips are slightly parted and his eyelashes are so long against his cheeks and his freckles are just...perfect. Kei watches Tadashi’s eyes dart around under his lids and he sighs.

How can he miss someone so much when it’s only been a couple of hours since he last saw him?

Kei sets his phone next to his pillow and lays on his side. The same side he’d lay on to hold Tadashi against his chest if he were really here.

Hina’s sitting at the kitchen table when Kei comes downstairs for breakfast. She looks up and they make eye contact for a second before Kei starts to turn around to go back upstairs.

“Kei, wait,” Hina says, standing up. Kei sighs and turns back around and sits down across from his mom.

“What?” He asks.

Hina adjusts her grip on her coffee mug and exhales. “I want to apologize. For how I reacted last night.”

Kei blinks and stares at his hands.

“I-It’s not that I don’t believe you or I don’t support you. I do. I believe you and I will love you no matter what,” Hina says. “I-I just got scared and I didn’t react right. I’m very sorry, baby.”

“Scared?” Kei mutters. “Scared of what?”

Hina sighs and looks away. “I’ve read a lot of horror stories, Kei. Horror stories in the news about horrifying things that have happened to gay and bi boys. I-I’m so scared that one day you or your brother is going to be the next horror story I read about.”

Kei looks back up and sighs. “I-I guess that’s fair. But-”

“I know,” Hina says. “I behaved ridiculously last night. And I’m so, so sorry, Kei. It’s just...something happened after your brother came out.”

Kei’s eyes go wide. “What?”

“It wasn’t like an assault or anything,” Hina says. “He just...I don’t know. He must have told someone and his professor overheard. He began noticing that his English professor started taking points off his work and leaving rude and cruel comments on his essays. We had to go to the dean. I assume he never told you just because he didn’t find it that crazy. But it scared me, Kei. It’s horrible to say your brother was lucky. It could have been so much worse. I’m scared something worse is going to happen to you.”

Kei rubs his eyes and sighs. “I’m careful, Mom. I don’t really tell people all the time. I told Kotaro and Kuroo and they mentioned it to a couple of other people but those people were also gay. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Hina sighs. “I’m always going to worry about you, Kei. But...I’m trying. I’m trying to be better. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me yet but-”

“I forgive you,” Kei says. “I get why you’re afraid.”

Hina reaches her hand out across the table and Kei takes it. Hina rubs her thumb over his knuckles and smiles.

“Will you tell me about your boyfriend?” She asks. Kei grins and tells her about Tadashi. About how they met, what he’s majoring in and how incredible he is when he plays, about how he likes watching their friends play volleyball, and how he likes stuffed animals.

“Do his parents know he’s gay?” Hina asks.

Kei glances away. “No, they don’t. They’re...awful,” Kei says. Hina stiffens. 

“Do they hurt him? Is he home with them now?”

“No, he stayed in the dorms,” Kei says. “They’re super abusive. Not physically but...they’re so cruel.”

“Emotionally abusive?” Hina asks. Kei nods.

“His parents showed up to drag him home with them yesterday. They left eventually but...his mom hit him. That was the first time that had happened but...he looked so scared when they showed up.”

Hina fumes and sets her mug down loudly. “Tell him he can stay here over winter break,” she says with narrowed eyes and a deadly serious voice. “No one hurts my baby’s boyfriend like that.”

Kei chuckles and squeezes his mom’s hand. “Really?”

“Dead serious,” Hina says. “He’s staying here. For as long as he needs.”

Kei jumps up and hugs Hina around her shoulder. Hina pats his back awkwardly and chuckles. “You’ve never done this before, what’s going on?”

“I think he made me soft,” Kei says. Hina laughs.

“Well good. I like getting hugs from you.”


	13. Arpeggio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My mom came around,” Kei says shyly. His eyes and face glow in the darkness from the white light of his phone screen. Tadashi quietly claps his hands and smiles.  
>  “That’s wonderful,” Tadashi whispers. “So everything’s okay?”  
>  Kei chuckles under his breath and nods. “Yeah, everything’s fine. She was just scared something bad was going to happen to me and...didn’t react right. She wants to meet you.”
> 
> Tadashi's winter break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not sure how this happened but this one of the longest chapters I've written so here you go.  
> Little TW for some emotional abuse and low-key victim-blaming (but not about the almost sexual assault).  
> Enjoy!

“My mom came around,” Kei says shyly. His eyes and face glow in the darkness from the white light of his phone screen. Tadashi quietly claps his hands and smiles.

“That’s wonderful,” Tadashi whispers. “So everything’s okay?”

Kei chuckles under his breath and nods. “Yeah, everything’s fine. She was just scared something bad was going to happen to me and...didn’t react right. She wants to meet you.”

Tadashi’s breath catches and he brings Bulbasaur closer to his chest and curls in on himself. “Meet me?”

Kei shrugs. “I mean, I told her about you. And...about your family.”

Tadashi grimaces and chews on his lip. “Why-Why does she want to meet me then?” Tadashi mumbles.

“I think her hardcore mom mode was activated after I told her,” Kei says. Tadashi smiles and shuts his eyes for a second. “You don’t have to meet her yet if you don’t want to. It’s up to you, baby.”

Tadashi hums under his breath and shrugs. “Maybe later in the week? I-I’m not ready to meet another mom right now.”

“That’s fair,” Kei says and rolls onto his side. Tadashi reaches out and touches the tips of his fingers to Kei’s digital face. “What did you do today?”

Tadashi perks up and turns his wrist around to show Kei his nails. “Koushi painted my nails. We got really bored today. I went to one of the practice rooms for a little while and did some studying. My piece is coming along well,” Tadashi admits. Kei smiles.

“When can I hear it?”

Tadashi blushes again. He doesn’t mention he’s writing it ‘about’ Kei. There are no words, but he’s tried to pour everything Kei makes him feel into a piece of music. He finished his Garageband mock-up and is finally sitting down at an actual piano to play it.

“My recital is on the 20th, I think,” Tadashi says. Kei smirks.

“I don’t get a sneak peek?” He teases. Tadashi giggles.

“Here, you can have this,” he says and starts humming a part from the first movement. Kei laughs and drapes an arm over his forehead.

“You’re so fucking talented,” Kei murmurs. “I can’t wait to hear it, do I have to buy tickets?”

“Not sure yet,” Tadashi whispers. “It’s been a while since I had someone come to my recitals.”

Kei frowns. “How long has it been?”

“My grandma used to come. But once she got sick...she was in too much pain to leave her house. And then she had to go to the hospital for the last month or so,” Tadashi says and a lump builds in his throat.

He remembers the first recital he ever did where he looked out at the small crowd clapping for him and didn’t see anyone he knew. Didn’t see  _ obachan  _ with her camera out and cheering louder than anyone else. He remembers standing on the stage with tears in his eyes and trembling hands because she said she’d try to come she’s never missed one of his recitals, why isn’t she here, she’s always here?

He’d never felt more alone in his life.

He remembers sitting in his mom’s car silently crying while she tells him that she told him so. While she tells him no one likes his music and that no one wants to see him perform because it’s stupid.

“Tadashi?” Kei asks. “Are you okay? You went blank again.”

Tadashi shakes his head and feels the lump in his throat expand and he chokes out a sob. He hears Kei scramble around and Tadashi buries his face in Belana. “I-I miss her,” Tadashi murmurs. “I miss her so much.”

Kei stays silent for a second and then whispers, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“She got me into music,” Tadashi says softly. “She had this old, beat-up piano in her house that she used to play and I kept hitting the keys so she...taught me how to play them. She convinced my parents to let me go to lessons and-” Tadashi breaks off and exhales shakily. “And she listened to me. When I told her I was getting bullied. She listened and told me things I could try to do to make them stop. The tips never worked but at least she didn’t blame me.”

Kei doesn’t say anything. Tadashi figures he just doesn’t know what to say. He’s never talked about  _ obachan  _ with anyone before. Not like he really had an opportunity before meeting Shoyo, but even Shoyo doesn’t know about his grandma.

“Sorry,” Tadashi murmurs. “That was a bit of a downer.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kei says. “I’m glad you told me.”

Tadashi smiles into Bulbasaur and reaches out to Kei again. “You’re really wonderful,” Tadashi whispers. Kei snorts and smiles at him.

“You’re really wonderful, baby,” Kei says. “I’m so sorry you have so much grief and trauma, but I’m so happy you found your way into my life.”

Tadashi grins and hums sleepily. “Me too, Kei.”

“You sound tired,” Kei says after a second. Tadashi hums again.

“I am. I may have withheld how long I spent in the practice room today.” Tadashi murmurs. Kei sends him a side-eye glance.

“Hey, Tadashi?”

“Yeah?”

“How long did you spend in the practice room today?” Kei asks pointedly. Tadashi nuzzles his pillow and smiles.

“I might have spent six hours in there.”

“Might have?”

“Might have.”

“Fucking hell,” Kei chuckles. “Baby, go to sleep.”

“But I want to talk to you,” Tadashi murmurs even though his eyelids are heavy and he’s breathing slowly and steadily.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, angel,” Kei says. “Go to sleep.”

Tadashi whines and shuts his eyes. “Fine.”

Kei giggles. “You’re adorable. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Tadashi murmurs. “Sleep well, Kei.”

Tadashi isn’t awake long enough to hear Kei wish him goodnight. 

A couple of days pass by. He hangs out with Koushi and Daichi and works on his piece and studies for finals. Talking about  _ obachan  _ brought up a lot of memories. He keeps dreaming about her and seeing her on the street and dissociating into memories while studying.

Tadashi wonders if she’s watching him. If she’s seen him and Kei. If she’s seen him make his first friend, have his first drink, have his first kiss. He supposes there are some things he hopes she hasn’t seen. Like his first astronomy exam. Or nearly getting raped at a party. Or having a complete breakdown in a practice room.

His phone buzzes and he looks over and smiles at Kei’s message.

**Kei:** _ I forgot to tell you we have a dog  _ Attachment Image.

Tadashi picks up his phone and scrolls through the pictures of a small white and brown dog in Kei’s lap.

**Me:** _ What’s its name what a good little guy _

Kei sends three more pictures of the dog, now sitting by a window. 

**Kei:** _ My brother named him Yuki _

Tadashi coos and lays down on his pillows. He hovers his thumb over the FaceTime button and bites his lip.

_ Would he answer? Does he want to answer? Would he be mad? He’s your boyfriend, you idiot, he won’t be mad. _

Before Tadashi can overthink it too much, he hits the button and the phone starts ringing. It only rings three times before Kei’s face is there. 

“Did you want to see the dog?” Kei asks, smiling from ear to ear.

“Maybe,” Tadashi says. Kei laughs and stands up.

“Well how about I pick you up and bring you over? Then you can pet him and he can jump on you and bite your ears.”

“Does he do that?” Tadashi asks with a giggle. Kei adjusts his phone and then the small dog is in his arms.

“He thinks ears are food. He won’t...like... _ bite  _ you, but he’s been known to nibble,” Kei says and sets Yuki down. “Want me to come get you?”

Tadashi bites his lip and looks away. “Yeah,” he whispers. Maybe seeing Kei and getting held in his arms will get rid of all the intrusive  _ obachan  _ memories.

“Are you alright?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods.

“I just miss you and can’t stop thinking about my grandma,” he says. Kei sighs sadly.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’ll be there in like half an hour, okay? Then you’re getting a giant hug.” Tadashi smiles and rolls onto his side.

“Okay.”

“I’m gonna hang up so I can drive but I’ll text you when I’m there.”

Tadashi hangs up and stares up at the ceiling. He supposes that now this means he has to meet Kei’s mom. Kei’s mom who knows about him. Who knows about his parents.

His parents who won’t stop texting him.

Every message makes him want to rip his skin off and throw his phone into oncoming traffic.

_ No one else is going to want you if you treat your parents like this. _

_ We hope your friends all left you after seeing your behavior. _

_ You don’t get to be mad at your mother for hitting you. You brought that on yourself.  _

Tadashi runs his fingers over the cheek his mother slapped and tries to think about some of the constellations Kei’s said he found in his freckles.

Orion.

Vulpecula.

Capricorn.

Fucking hell, he misses his boyfriend. Tadashi’s not good at blocking out the awful memories and cruel words by himself yet. Daichi talked to him about campus counselors and how he can see a group for students who’ve survived abuse.

Tadashi didn’t tell him that he doubts he’d be welcomed there. His mom hit him once and the rest was just...words. Words that shouldn’t hurt him this much. He’s so used to words hurting him, his parents’ words shouldn’t make him feel so awful.

He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. He’s remembering something.

_ “Y-You told me you could pick me up,” Tadashi says into his phone with chattering teeth as biting wind whips past him and throws icy snow into his face. _

_ “I don’t know what to tell you, Tadashi, something came up. You have to walk,” Niko says. Tadashi winces at how annoyed she sounds and his eyes well up with tears. _

_ “Mom, it’s freezing. Please can you ask Dad?” _

_ “Tadashi, it's not that long a walk, grow up,” Niko says. Tadashi sobs and wipes his eyes with his gloved hand. He doesn’t want to walk home in the freezing cold night. _

_ “I-I’m scared,” he admits. Niko groans and he can hear rustling paper. _

_ “Scared of what? The snow?” _

_ Tadashi looks around and starts shaking. “I-I don’t want them to see me alone.” _

_ “Oh my god,” Niko mutters. “You’re overreacting. Why would those kids from school do anything to you outside?” _

_ “They’ve followed me home before,” Tadashi murmurs. “Please? It’s so cold, Mom.” _

_ “Get an Uber or something, I’m not coming, Tadashi.” _

_ “Mom-” _

_ “Get an Uber, it costs like five dollars,” Niko says. _

_ She hangs up and Tadashi sobs as his phone dies in his hands. He looks out at the cold night and shakily starts walking. _

Tadashi’s phone buzzes and he reads Kei’s text saying he’s here. Tadashi jumps up and pulls shoes and his jacket on and tries not to think about how he doesn’t remember the last thirty minutes.

Kei’s arms are strong and warm and hold him so tightly Tadashi lets out a sob. Kei presses a kiss to the side of his head and Tadashi grabs Kei’s face.

“God, I missed you,” Kei murmurs and holds Tadashi’s cheeks. Tadashi leans into his hand and sighs.

“I missed you, too. So much. Koushi and Daichi are nice but they don’t get to kiss me.”

Kei chuckles and kisses him. Tadashi stands on his toes and bites at Kei’s lip and slips his tongue inside Kei’s mouth. He sighs and leads Tadashi to the car. As soon as the door shuts, Tadashi hears a yip and he gasps. Kei laughs.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to wait until you got home to meet him plus he wanted to go for a ride,” Kei says and Yuki jumps over the console and barks at Tadashi on his lap. Tadashi rubs his hands over Yuki’s fluffy body and the dog puts his paws on Tadashi’s chest. Kei starts the car again and he glances over at Tadashi.

“He likes you,” he says. “He’s super sweet but as dumb as a brick.”

Tadashi laughs and lets Yuki lick his nose. “That sounds about right. My grandma had a dumb little dog, too when I was a kid. He was super old though so he died when I was like twelve.”

“Still sad,” Kei murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

Tadashi shrugs. “That’s a death I actually am over.”

Kei snorts. “I love you so much.”

Tadashi hugs Yuki and smiles at Kei. “I love you, too,” Tadashi says softly and then winces. “He bit my ear.”

“Yuki! Stop it!” Kei swats at Yuki. The little dog whines and curls up in Tadashi’s lap. “Yeah, yeah, now you’re mad that I won’t let you eat my boyfriend,” Kei mutters.

“Only you get to do that,” Tadashi says without thinking and Kei chokes on his breath and coughs. Tadashi giggles and Yuki stands up to bark at cars. “Sorry,” he chuckles.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Kei says, blushing furiously. “I just didn’t expect that from you.”

Tadashi giggles again and runs his hand down Yuki’s back. “Are things still okay with your mom?”

Kei nods. “Yeah, everything’s fine. She was so excited when I told her I was coming to get you.”

Tadashi smiles down at Yuki and then bites his lip. “Do...Do you have a dad?”

Kei smirks. “He left when I was a toddler. I don’t even remember him.”

“I’m sorry,” Tadashi says softly. 

“It’s fine. I’m really not bothered by it anymore. I was for a little bit in middle school but then I asked myself why I was letting a dick who didn’t even want to be in my life bother me so much and I realized it wasn’t worth paying him any mind. It took a little while but I’m fine about it now.”

“That’s fair,” Tadashi says. “He obviously doesn’t deserve you.”

“Exactly,” Kei says quietly. “Wasn’t my fault, or my mom’s or my brother’s. He’s just a dick.”

“So we both have dick dads,” Tadashi teases. Kei laughs.

“No offense, but I’d take my absent father over your abusive one.”

Tadashi laughs and Yuki barks at him. “I don’t blame you.”

Kei turns onto a residential street and pulls up to a white and brown house with a tiled roof and wooden doors and window shutters. Yuki starts barking again and Kei mutters something about how dumb he is. He pulls into the driveway and cuts the engine. They open their doors and Yuki bounds into the yard and starts peeing on the lawn.

“Goddamn it,” Kei mutters with a smile and takes Tadashi’s hand. “You ready to come in?”

“Yeah,” Tadashi says and lets Kei lead him to the front door and they slip inside.

“Kei?” A woman’s voice calls out.

“We’re back, Mom,” Kei calls back, and then a blonde woman in a blue blouse and khaki pants scuttles into the room.

“Tadashi?” She asks. Tadashi nods and steps forward.

“Um, i-it’s nice...to meet you,” he stammers. Kei’s mom grips his hand gently and shakes.

“I’m Hina. It’s so nice to meet you. Do you want to spend the night or are you just staying for dinner, what’s your guys’ plan?”

Tadashi wants to beg to stay the night but it turns out he doesn’t have to. Kei wraps his arms around Tadashi’s middle and rests his chin on Tadashi’s head.

“Can he spend the night?”

Hina nods too many times and Tadashi chuckles. “I’ll get the guest room ready.”

“He can stay in my room,” Kei says.

“Not in my house!” Hina calls from the hallway. “If you were straight, I’d tell your girlfriend the same thing!”

“Fine,” Kei mutters and presses a kiss to Tadashi’s neck. “Want a snack before we eat dinner?”

“Sure,” Tadashi says and holds onto Kei’s hand while they go to the kitchen.

Hina sets a stew on the table and sits down. She reaches a hand out towards him and Tadashi flinches a little bit. Hina’s hand retreats a little and Kei reaches for his hand under the table.

“Want to hand me your plate, sweetie?” Hina asks. She does a good job pretending like nothing weird happened and Tadashi appreciates it. He takes his plate and holds it up to Hina.

“Thank you,” he says softly.

“There you go, honey,” Hina says. “Kei said you’re working on composing your own piece,” she adds.

Tadashi nods and picks up his fork. “Um, yeah, it’s for m-my final in my piano class.”

“Have you composed before?” Hina asks. Tadashi nods.

“I-I made a piece when I was in high school. I had to for the music program at school. It was part of the application.”

Kei’s brother, Akiteru, whistles. “That’s a hell of a talent.”

Tadashi smiles and takes a small bite of stew. “Thank you.”

“We’re a house of scientists,” Hina says. “We’re impressed by the arts.”

“W-What do you two do?” Tadashi asks Akiteru and Hina.

“I’m an engineer,” Akiteru says. “And mom’s a nurse.”

Tadashi nods and takes a drink of water. He suddenly feels very inadequate.

“How long have you been playing?” Hina asks. 

“Since I was in first grade,” Tadashi admits. “M-My grandma got me into it.”

“That’s a long time,” Hina says in awe. “And you’ve loved it for that long?” Tadashi grins and nods.

“It’s...kind of everything to me. It’s my escape from reality, my happy place, and...I’m good. I’m good at it.”

“He’s incredible,” Kei says. Tadashi looks up. “I heard him play once. He’s amazing.”

“When did you hear me play?” Tadashi whispers. Kei blushes. 

“Um, I walked down the practice room hall and the door to the one you were in was open and I listened,” Kei admits. Tadashi grins and squeezes his hand.

“I didn’t hear you,” Tadashi says.

“I was being sneaky,” Kei says and smiles at him.

“You’re a weirdo,” Akiteru chuckles and takes a bite of stew. “Not you, Tadashi. My brother.”

Tadashi laughs and takes another bite. Hina keeps asking him questions and calls him ‘sweetie’ and Tadashi can’t remember the last family dinner he had that hadn’t involved him crying at the table or running off to sob in his room once it was finished.

Kei shows him the guest room and then opens the door to the room right next door. There are a bunch of small dinosaur posters and stickers on the walls, a wooden desk and soft fabric chair, and a low-to-the-ground bed with dark green sheets.

“You had a thing for dinosaurs as a kid?” Tadashi teases. Kei snorts and sits down on his bed and opens his arms. Tadashi crawls into Kei’s embrace and sighs as they both fall back against the pillows. Tadashi looks up at the ceiling and smiles at the glow in the dark stars above Kei’s bed. “You have a good room,” Tadashi murmurs.

“Yeah?” Kei asks and runs his fingertips down Tadashi’s spine. “What’s your room like?”

“Barren,” Tadashi says with a chuckle. “I didn’t really have a ton of interests as a kid other than music. And then all my stuffed animals got thrown out when I was eleven.”

Kei grips him tighter and breathes in deeply. “God, I’m going to kill them.”

“Don’t,” Tadashi chuckles and rests his chin on Kei’s chest. “They aren’t worth your time.”

Kei cups his cheek and whispers, “Libra,” before adding, “They aren’t worth yours either.”

“It’s a little harder for me,” Tadashi murmurs. “I don't know how I’m going to avoid going home with them over winter break.”

“You can stay here,” Kei says. My mom’s determined to keep you, I think.”

Tadashi laughs and scoots up Kei’s body to kiss him. His groin rubs along Kei’s stomach and he moans into his boyfriend’s mouth. Kei smirks and Tadashi feels something firm press against his thigh.

“We can’t fuck at my mom’s house,” Kei teases. Tadashi chuckles and reaches his hands down to unbutton Kei’s jeans. “Tadashi-”

“Can I suck you off?” He asks before he can scare himself out of it. Kei takes his shirt off and nods. Tadashi smiles and pulls his zipper down slowly and pushes down a little. Kei bundles his shirt up and presses it over his mouth. Tadashi smirks as he moans into the shirt. He pulls down Kei’s underwear to join his pants around his ankles. Tadashi pushes his thighs apart and nestles between them. He cups Kei’s balls with one hand and holds onto the bottom of his shaft with the other and runs the tip of his tongue over Kei’s slit.

Kei moans again into the shirt and Tadashi puts his dick in his mouth. He presses the flat of his tongue against Kei’s shaft and hollows out his cheeks. Kei’s legs start shaking and Tadashi swirls his tongue over the tip, tasting salty precome. Kei grips Tadashi’s hair and pushes him further down. Tadashi sends him a smug look and winks. Kei pulls on his hair and bites his lip to stay quiet. Tadashi keeps sucking and licking until Kei groans and cums in his mouth. Tadashi smirks and swallows it. Kei collapses and Tadashi pulls away and smiles.

“Was that okay?” He asks. Kei hums and nods happily.

“You are surprisingly good at that,” he says breathlessly. Tadashi laughs and lays down next to him. Kei pulls his pants back up and rests his head against Tadashi’s. “I wish you could stay in here.”

“Me too,” Tadashi murmurs. He doesn’t admit that he’s terrified of sleeping alone in the guest room. He slept alone at his parents’ house and it was always fitful at best. Every time someone walked past his room, he’d wake up and listen to the footsteps to determine who it was and where they were going. He had next to no privacy at that house. Even if he’d said he needed to be alone so he could cry or just lay dejectedly in bed and stare at a wall, someone would barge into his room and scold him for being lazy or too sensitive.

He wants to stay safe in Kei’s arms.

“You can stay here until we get sleepy,” Kei says. And then yawns. Tadashi chuckles and looks over at the clock on Kei’s bedside table.

“It’s almost midnight, baby. You can go to sleep.”

Kei holds his cheeks and kisses him again. “You made me sleepy,” he teases. Tadashi smiles against Kei’s lips and slips away. 

“Good night, Kei,” he says, somehow managing to keep his voice steady.

“Good night, angel,” Kei says and watches Tadashi leave the room. Tadashi walks into the guest room and shuts the door behind him. He staggers over to the bed and lays down in his clothes. He’s not expecting to get much sleep anyway.

He doesn’t have Bulbasaur.

He doesn’t have Belana.

He doesn’t have his iPod.

He doesn’t have Kei.

Tadashi grabs onto a pillow and flinches when his phone starts ringing. He whimpers into the pillow when he sees it’s his dad and he doesn’t answer it. He expects that to be it and he just has a new voicemail to delete but it rings again. Tadashi whimpers again and reaches out to pick it up.

“Hello?”

“What do you mean 'hello?’ You have fucking caller ID don’t you?” Hiroshi snaps. Tadashi bites his lip and swallows a sob.

“What do you want?” Tadashi asks softly.

“I want you to know that it’s fucking ridiculous that you aren’t here,” Hiroshi says. “Do you realize that?”

Tadashi feels frozen. He wants to hang up. He wants to tell Hiroshi to leave him alone. He wants to rub his cheek and think of constellations Kei has found in his marks. 

He can’t move.

He can’t speak.

“We gave you everything,” Hiroshi hisses. “We gave you life, a roof over your head, food to eat and you just throw us away because you can’t handle the truth from us or take a joke from your classmates? You’re...you’re pathetic and cruel.”

“You...You bull-bullied me, too. I-I told you wh-what they...what they did to me and...and you laughed at me.”

“It wasn’t even that bad, Tadashi! You’re just too sensitive!”

The fear vanishes and he’s left with anger. “‘Wasn’t that bad?’” He demands. “I have scars from getting pelted with rocks and hit with sticks. I couldn’t handle anyone touching my face until a, like, two weeks ago because kids would poke, hit, and punch me. If I miss my meds once, I can hear and feel them again. It was that bad. It was so bad I-I’m traumatized,” Tadashi hisses. 

“How many times do we have to tell you that’s your own fault?” Hiroshi says frantically. “We told you things to do and stop doing so they’d leave you alone and you didn’t do them.”

“Because it wasn’t my fault!” Tadashi snarls into the phone. “ _ Obachan  _ gave me ideas to make them stop and those didn’t work either. I tried. I tried to make it stop and I couldn’t.”

Hiroshi scoffs. “Then you’re even weaker than I thought.”

Tadashi trembles again for a second and then hangs up the phone. He drops it onto the pillow and wraps his arms around his stomach. He wants to get up and run to Kei but his legs feel like jelly. He can barely feel anything below his neck. He thinks he’s sobbing but he can’t hear anything other than a roaring in his ears.

There’s a knock on his door and he yelps and jumps back against the headboard. It creaks open and Hina steps in.

“Tadashi? Are you alright?”

Tadashi digs his nails into his arms and shakes his head. Hina steps inside and he sobs brokenly. Hina sits down next to him and pries his hands away from his arms. “Don’t hurt yourself, honey. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Tadashi’s shuddering breath feels like fire and he glances at his phone. “M-My dad called and I was stupid and answered it and it wasn’t my fault,” Tadashi sobs softly and Hina rubs her hands up and down his arms.

“What wasn’t your fault?” Hina asks gently. Tadashi digs the heels of his hands into his eyes and cringes at how pathetic he feels crying in front of his boyfriend’s mom.

“That I got bullied in school,” Tadashi mutters. “It wasn’t my fault and he keeps saying it was. I tried to make them stop and they wouldn’t!”

Hina sighs sadly and pulls him into her arms. She smells like vanilla and her pajamas are so soft and his own mom hasn’t held him like this in ages and he clings to Hina like she’s the only solid thing in the world.

“Of course it wasn’t your fault,” she says softly into his ear. “Kids bully because they feel small and scared and want to feel big and powerful. So they find someone they can feel big and strong over and cut them down and down until that person feels tiny. It’s not your fault some kids thought that hurting you would make them feel big. If anyone’s weak or pathetic, it’s those kids who thought they had to cut you down because they couldn’t cope with themselves.”

Tadashi buries his eyes in her shoulder and sobs even harder. Hina shushes him calmly and rocks back and forth a little.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Let it out,” Hina murmurs and strokes his hair.

Not even  _ obachan  _ ever said anything like that to him. No one ever put the blame on his bullies before.

It wasn’t his fault. It was theirs.

“Do you want to go sleep in Kei’s room?” Hina asks. Tadashi pulls away and wipes his eyes.

“I thought you said-”

“I know,” Hina says but nods to the wrinkled pillow Tadashi had a death grip on. “But I get the sense you don’t like sleeping alone.”

Tadashi shakes his head and fiddles with the sheets. “I don’t want to cause any problems, though.”

Hina hums and holds her pinkie up. “If you promise there will be no  _ funny business  _ you can sleep in there.”

Tadashi giggles and wipes his eyes before linking pinkies with her. “I promise.”

Hina smirks playfully and helps him stand up. “Sorry for barging in on you, it just really sounded like you shouldn’t have been left alone.”

Tadashi shakes his head. “It’s okay. You knocked. That’s more than my mom ever did.” Hina squeezes his hand and knocks on Kei’s door.

“Kei?”

There’s a mumbled “come in” and Hina opens the door and turns a desk light on. Kei sits up and then bolts to his feet when he sees Tadashi.

“Young man, swear to me that there will be nothing other than sleeping in here and Tadashi can sleep with you. His father called and he doesn’t want to be alone,” Hina says.

Kei nods and Tadashi stumbles into his arms. “I promise. Thanks, Mom.”

Hina turns the desk light off, shuts the door, and leaves. Kei leads Tadashi over to his bed and they cuddle up under the sheets.

“Are you okay?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods into Kei’s shoulder and shuts his eyes. A wave of exhaustion washes over him and he sighs.

“Can I tell you about it tomorrow?” Tadashi asks. Kei nods and kisses his forehead. 

“Of course, baby.”

“You have a really good mom,” Tadashi mumbles sleepily. “I know she’s awkward with queer stuff, but she’s a really good mom.”

Kei chuckles and holds him tighter. “She is.”

“You better cherish her,” Tadashi says and lets Kei’s heartbeat lull him off to sleep.

Waking up in Kei’s arms is Tadashi’s new favorite thing in the world. His hair looks extra fluffy and his eyes are a little foggy but he’s smiling down at Tadashi so brightly it makes Tadashi blush.

“Good morning,” Kei whispers.

“Good morning,” Tadashi says and reaches a hand up to wipe away some sand from Kei’s eyes. “You look so cute.”

Kei giggles and kisses between Tadashi’s eyes. “Want some breakfast?”

Tadashi nods and Kei crawls out of bed. Tadashi follows him and they head downstairs. Akiteru is at the landing and sends Kei an eyebrow wiggle. Kei shoves him and heads to the fridge.

“You two sleep well?” Akiteru asks pointedly. Tadashi blushes and Kei lets the fridge door fall shut and glares.

“What do you look smug about?”

“Nothing at all,” Akiteru says and leaves the kitchen grinning into a cup of coffee. Kei rolls his eyes and grabs a box of cereal. Yuki scampers into the kitchen and starts jumping at Tadashi’s legs and barking while wagging his tail. Tadashi grins and buries his hands in the dog’s fluff and lets Yuki lick his face.

“He acts like we don’t feed him,” Kei mutters. “Akiteru? Did you feed the dog?”

“Yeah, he’s just a greedy bastard,” Akiteru’s voice comes from somewhere in the living room. Tadashi chuckles and picks Yuki up.

“Don’t be mean to him,” he says and bounces him like a baby. Kei smiles and pours two bowls of cereal.

“Yeah, you’ve never lived with him. If someone isn’t paying attention to him for three seconds he starts barking,” Kei says. “He’s cute and sweet but dumb and a giant attention whore.”

“He deserves all the attention,” Tadashi coos at Yuki and boops his nose.

“Tadashi, don’t give him any ideas!” Akiteru calls. Tadashi laughs and puts the dog down.

“What ideas are you giving the dog?” Hina asks and goes to the coffee maker.

“That he deserves attention every single second,” Kei says and hands Tadashi a bowl of cheerios.

“Oh no,” Hina says and with a grin. “He’s entitled enough.” Tadashi smirks and takes a bite. “What time do you have to leave us today?” Hina asks Kei. 

“Sometime in the afternoon,” Kei says with a shrug. “I actually have a student who wants to meet up and get help for the final.”

Hina nods and reaches up to ruffle his hair. “Well I think this is the last time I’m gonna see you before December,” she says and gives Kei a hug. “Drive safe, okay?”

“We will. Love you,” Kei says. Hina grins and opens her arms to Tadashi. He goes in for the hug without a second thought. 

“Will I see you again for winter break?” She asks. Tadashi nods into her shoulder and Hina kisses his forehead. “You’re always safe and welcome here, Tadashi,” she adds and steps away.

Yuki barks and Hina rubs his fluffy head before heading out the door. Tadashi finishes his cereal and Kei wraps his arms around him. “Want to do anything before going back to school?”

Tadashi looks down at the little dog currently barking at them. “Can we take him for a walk?”

Kei kisses him and grabs a leash from a hook by the stairs. “You’re going to spoil this stupid dog.”

“He’s precious,” Tadashi says and Kei hooks the leash to Yuki’s collar and they walk out the door.

Shoyo basically launches himself at Tadashi when he opens the door and they hug for a moment.

“Did you have an okay break?” Shoyo asks with a grin. Tadashi blushes and nods.

“Yeah. I did.” 


	14. Binary Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not going to fuck you in a music room,” Kei whispers.  
>  Tadashi pulls away with lust-filled eyes and kiss swollen lips. “Then take me where you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itty bitty TW for references to past suicidal thoughts but otherwise this is six pages of fluff and smut.  
> Enjoy!

“Hey, hey, hey!” Kotaro howls as Kei walks into lecture. Kei rolls his eyes and slides in next to him. “How was your break?”

“It was fine,” Kei says and pulls his laptop out. Then he bites his lip and shrugs. “I came out.”

Kotaro drops his pen and shakes Kei’s shoulder. “Dude. How’d it go?”

“Not great at first, but then it was fine. My mom’s just too worried for her own good sometimes.”

“Yeah that sounds about right,” Kotaro says and snorts. “I’m proud of you. That was brave.”

Kei smirks and shoves Kotaro’s hand on his arm. “Thanks.” There are some soft footsteps and Tadashi walks up the aisle and sits down next to Kei.

“Hey, Tadashi,” Kotaro says a little more gently. “Was your break okay?”

Tadashi nods and gets his notebook out. “Koushi, Daichi, and I hung out a lot, and then I met Kei’s dog.”

Kotaro laughs and sighs. “Ah, yes. Yuki. How is that little bastard?”

“Greedy,” Kei mutters, and Tadashi giggles.

“Well, I’m glad you had a good break. Um, Tobio said Shoyo said it had a...rough start,” Kotaro says. Kei glances over at Tadashi and takes his hand. Tadashi just nods.

“Yeah. But it wound up okay.”

Kotaro nods and reaches over to pat his knee. “Hang in there, kid.”

Tadashi nods at his notes and Kei sends Kotaro a grateful look. Kotaro’s eyes go wide and then he smirks at Kei.

“Simp,” he whispers.

“Fuck you,” Kei mutters.

After his music history class Kei walks down the practice room hall. All the doors are closed but one door has the blinds up and Kei smiles when he sees Tadashi’s shaggy hair. He quietly opens the door and slips inside. Tadashi doesn’t hear him at first but looks over his shoulder when Kei lets the door fall shut. He grins up at him and stops playing.

“No spoilers,” Tadashi says and Kei rests his chin on his head. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Took a hunch,” Kei says and hugs Tadashi’s shoulders. There’s a notebook with music notes on Tadashi’s lap and his iPod sitting next to him on the bench. “Still composing?”

Tadashi nods and runs his fingers over his iPod. “I can’t get the second movement’s beginning right.”

Kei hums and reaches over to tap a couple of the keys. He’s never really played an instrument before and he’s never even been around a piano.

“Sit next to me,” Tadashi says and sets his iPod down so he can scoot over. Kei puts his bag down and slides onto the bench. Tadashi places Kei’s fingers over some of the keys and then puts his fingers in the same position.

“What are you doing?” Kei asks. Tadashi grins at him.

“You’ve taught me a lot of astronomy. Don’t I get to teach you some music?” Kei smiles down at his fingers and Tadashi turns to his own. “Do what I do,” Tadashi says and plays a little melody. Kei’s fingers feel stiff and clunky on the keys but he makes the same melody. Tadashi repeats it and Kei plays it back.

“You keep playing that tune, okay? I’m going to add something over it,” Tadashi says. Kei nods and keeps playing the same couple of notes. Once he goes through it twice, Tadashi starts playing a different melody. His notes are so much smoother and clear compared to Kei’s awkward tapping but eventually, he starts hearing a song. He can’t look away from his hands without messing up but hears Tadashi chuckle.

“You’re playing,” Tadashi says happily. Kei smiles and plays his couple of notes a few more times before stopping. “That’s the first piece my grandma taught me.”

Kei looks up and smiles again. “Yeah?”

“ _ Heart and Soul _ ,” Tadashi says. “It’s a piece pretty much every beginner learns how to play. It’s kind of like muscle memory, eventually. Most people don’t really forget how to play  _ Heart and Soul _ .”

“It’s pretty,” Kei admits. “It sounds like you, in a way.”

Tadashi blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not  _ Heart and Soul _ ,” he whispers kind of sadly. Kei raises an eyebrow. 

“What are you then?” He asks. Tadashi reaches over Kei’s body and starts playing something slow and it takes him a second before he recognizes it. “Why are you  _ Hallelujah?” _

“Because,” Tadashi says. “When I was young everyone around me used to think my love for this was dumb. And then I lost the only person who wanted to hear me play. Who wanted me to succeed. Who thought I was good. They didn’t care for music, they took my throne, and tried to tie me down.”

Kei blinks and feels stupidly inadequate. He doesn't know what to or how to convince Tadashi he doesn’t have to be  _ Hallelujah  _ anymore.

“It’s a song that makes people sad or feel pain,” Tadashi says softly. “My entire existence was that song.”

“Is it still?” Kei whispers. Tadashi looks up and shrugs.

“Probably not. Which probably means I’m nothing,” he glances away again. Kei cups his cheek and strokes his cheekbone.

“You’re not nothing and you are  _ Heart and Soul _ . At least to me, you are.”

Tadashi leans into his hand and sighs. “You are to me, too.”

Kei pulls him in for a kiss and Tadashi grips the front of his shirt and kisses back with a hunger Kei wasn’t expecting.

He wasn’t expecting it. But he loves it.

Kei kisses back with passion and bites at Tadashi’s lip. Tadashi pulls away for a second to straddle Kei’s hips and their groins brush against each other and Kei moans into Tadashi’s mouth.

“I’m not going to fuck you in a music room,” Kei whispers.

Tadashi pulls away with lust-filled eyes and kiss swollen lips. “Then take me where you will.”

Kei’s breath catches and he smirks. He’s never been happier that he lives so close to this building.

It takes a lot of effort to keep his hands off Tadashi in the elevator. Too much effort.

So much effort that he gives up and pulls Tadashi against his chest by his hips and bites down on the curve of his neck.

“Kei-” Tadashi whines and Kei smirks against his skin.

“Don’t worry baby, you can be louder soon.”

“Dorm walls are only so thick, Kei,” Tadashi murmurs, and the elevator doors slide open.

“I’m on the end, baby,” Kei says and takes Tadashi’s hand. They walk down the hall and Tadashi grabs a condom out of Toru’s basket attached to the wall.

“Do you think I have diseases?” Kei teases. Tadashi snorts and shakes his head.

“I panicked,” he giggles.

Kei opens his dorm room door and pulls Tadashi in and locks the door behind him. Tobio’s gone. The hall is basically empty.

He’s going to make this boy scream.

Tadashi’s chest rises and falls heavily and Kei puts a hand on his hips and tips his chin up to look at him.

“Want me to take the lead?” He asks. Tadashi nods and Kei brings their lips together. Their tongues wrap around each other and Kei moans into Tadashi’s mouth and reaches for the hem of his shirt. Tadashi lifts his arms up and Kei throws his shirt over his shoulder. Kei pulls his own shirt off and unzips his pants. Tadashi undoes his belt and Kei thinks for just a second about tying him up with it but shakes the idea away.

Not for their first time.

Kei gently grips Tadashi’s jaw and he stops peeling his underwear off. “What is it?’ Tadashi whispers.

“Climb on the bed and get on your knees. Then take them off,” Kei says. Tadashi smiles dopily and gets on the bed. He stands on his knees and Kei watches him pull his underwear off like he did on FaceTime. Kei rips his own boxers off and pushes Tadashi onto his back.

“Tell me if you want me to stop anything,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi nods and Kei slides down to lick the shaft of his dick. Tadashi’s back arches and he moans low in his throat. Kei smirks and swirls his tongue over his tip, collecting watery precome. Tadashi’s hands grip the sheets and he starts panting.

“Just relax, Tadashi,” Kei whispers and hooks his hand under his knees and pushes his legs up. Kei drops small kisses along the inside of his thigh and then bites down close to his crotch. Tadashi whimpers and Kei lifts his head to make sure he’s okay.

“Are you alright?” He asks. Tadashi nods and moans when Kei moves back up his body and kisses him again. Kei pulls away and slips two fingers inside Tadashi’s mouth. “Suck.”

Tadashi smiles at him through half-lidded eyes and wraps his tongue around his knuckles. Kei smiles and pulls his fingers out and watches the string of saliva between his fingers and Tadashi’s bottom lip break.

“Stay relaxed. This might feel a little weird at first,” Kei murmurs. Tadashi nods and Kei rubs around his rim. Tadashi gasps and Kei slips it inside. Tadashi tenses for a second but then goes limp in Kei’s arms. He thrusts a little with his finger and then slides the second one in. Tadashi groans and his face scrunches up. “Relax, baby,” Kei says. “I have to stretch you out.”

Tadashi sighs and relaxes again and then sighs. “F-Feels good,” he mumbles and Kei smirks. He starts scissoring and Tadashi’s eyes fly open and his back arches. “Kei!”

“You’re doing good, baby.”

“Kei-” Tadashi whines and tries to push his body down Kei’s fingers. Kei chuckles and grips his jaw.

“Use your words, Tadashi,” he says sternly. Tadashi moans and keeps grinding down on Kei’s fingers.

“Fuck me,” Tadashi breathes out and whines when Kei thrusts his fingers.

“My, my, you’re needy,” Kei teases and pulls his fingers out slowly. He moves between Tadashi’s legs and lines up his tip with Tadashi’s stretched entrance. He grabs a bottle of lube and rubs some on himself before sliding in. Tadashi’s eyes roll back in his head and he moans loudly.

“Feel okay?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and wraps his legs around Kei’s hips. Kei plants his hands on either side of Tadashi’s hips and thrusts slowly. Tadashi lets out a high-pitched moan and bites down on his hand. Kei reaches up and takes the hand away from his mouth. “I want to hear you.”

“The whole hall doesn’t,” Tadashi says. Kei grins and rolls his hips. Tadashi whines and glares at Kei.

“They won’t hear,” Kei says. “Do you know how many times Toru’s gotten railed in his room? We haven’t heard a thing.”

Tadashi laughs and Kei smiles and thrusts again. Kei lets out a low moan and almost crumbles over his boyfriend. Tadashi’s laugh turns into a groan and his legs lose their grip on Kei’s hips when he speeds up and adjusts to hit his prostate.

“Oh my god,” Tadashi whines and Kei feels his ankles bump his back as his thighs start shaking. “Right there, don’t fucking move,” he moans. Kei smirks and lightly grabs Tadashi by the throat.

“Are you telling me what to do?” He asks. Tadashi’s eyes go wide for a second, then soften and he runs his tongue over his lips.

“Just thought you needed a little direction.”

Kei picks up his pace and Tadashi starts moaning again. Kei leans over and sucks on his neck and bites his earlobe, suppressing all of his own grunts of pleasure.

“Is that so?”

Tadashi tries to speak but he’s practically screaming in pleasure and Kei smiles when he sees sweat on his brow and tears on his cheeks.

“Who’s in charge?” Kei whispers and stops thrusting for a second. Tadashi whines and bucks his hips.

“You...are,” he says breathlessly. Kei winks and rolls his hips and groans with Tadashi. Kei goes back to sucking on Tadashi’s neck and then moans when the wave of pure pleasure washes over him and then he cums inside Tadashi and collapses. Tadashi gasps and his own white liquid shoots out of him so hard it hits his neck. Kei gently slides out of him and reaches for a towel on the floor.

“Was that okay?” Kei asks and wipes himself off. Tadashi nods with closed eyes and Kei wipes his chest and neck down. Tadashi hums and bumps his head on Kei’s chest.

“I love you,” he whispers. Kei smiles, drops the towel, and bends down to kiss his cheeks.

“I love you, too,” Kei murmurs and slips off the bed. He tosses Tadashi’s clothes to him and they get dressed before falling back on the bed. Tadashi grumbles for a second and then pulls his iPod out of his back pocket.

“I forgot I put that there,” he says and delicately places the device in his backpack.

“You’re so careful with that,” Kei says. “Why bother?”

Tadashi climbs back on the bed and lays on his back next to Kei. “It was a gift,” he murmurs.

“Yeah, you said that,” Kei says, not unkindly. “Who gave it to you? That thing is ancient.”

“My grandma,” Tadashi says and rests his head on Kei’s shoulder. “She loaded it with her favorite music and classical pieces she thought I’d like and gave it to me when I was ten. Right before we learned she was sick.”

Kei sighs and wraps his arm around Tadashi. “What’s on it?” He asks. Tadashi rushes to his backpack, pulls it out, and opens up the music app, and starts scrolling.

“A lot of The Jackson Five, a little David Bowie, Mozart, Brian Crain, Tchaikovsky-like everything from The _ Nutcracker _ , there’s like one or two Madonna songs, Pat Benatar, Joan Jett, and then everyone else has really Austrian names I don’t know how to say,” Tadashi says, scrolling down. Kei watches the list go on and on and on and realizes that someone had to pay for all of these songs.

“She really loved you,” Kei whispers without really meaning to. Tadashi smiles sadly and nods.

“She kind of saved my life,” Tadashi says. “She’s the only reason I got on anti-depressants when I was in middle school. By then she was in so much pain she couldn’t do much but she convinced my parents to get me a prescription. I still don’t really know how she did that, but I probably would have killed myself if she hadn’t advocated for me.”

Kei flinches at how plainly he says that and he grips his shoulder. “Baby-” he begins.

“It’s okay, Kei,” Tadashi murmurs. “I haven’t thought like that since last year of middle school.”

Kei nods and pulls Tadashi on top of him. “Promise me you’ll tell me if you do start thinking like that?”

Tadashi nods and nuzzles Kei’s chest. “I promise. But I won’t have those thoughts anymore.”

“You can’t know that darling,” Kei whispers.

“Sure I can,” Tadashi says and beams at him. “I have you now. And Shoyo. And Kotaro and Kuroo and Kenma and Tobio and Daichi and Koushi. I’m safe now. I’m not going to think like that again.”

Kei smiles and traces a dented parallelogram with a tail at the top with Tadashi’s freckles. “Leo,” he murmurs. “And you are too adorable to be real.”

“I’m real,” Tadashi teases. “You just fucked me, you should know.”

Kei smirks and Tadashi giggles as he’s flipped over and Kei presses his crotch against his ass.

“I’m not sure if I know for certain,” Kei says and hooks his fingers under the waistband of Tadashi’s pants. Tadashi giggles again and lifts his ass in the air.

“You’re welcome to double-check.”

Kei pulls his pants down in one smooth movement and spreads his boyfriend’s ass cheeks apart.

“Don’t mind if I do.”


	15. Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It only takes him a couple of steps before feeling oddly uneasy. He looks over his shoulder and sees a silhouette a ways behind him. He shrugs and keeps walking but keeps one hand on his phone. A gust of wind blows by and he shivers and then…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so...this one's rough. This is very long and very sad. Big Ole TW here for sexual assault (though, again, thwarted quickly) and mentions of stalking and a reference to past character death.  
> Please be care of yourselves!  
> Enjoy!

December rolls in with frozen air and a giant blizzard that nearly keeps everyone home in their dorms. Tadashi would have stayed in with Shoyo but he realized he’s so close to finishing his composition so he ran off to the practice rooms. He plays his piece through to the part he’s stuck on and grinds his teeth. He glances between his staff notebook and the keys. He’s poured so much into this, how can he not figure out the last twenty seconds? Kei’s made him feel so much as he’s put all of it into two minutes and forty seconds of music.

Well, almost all of it.

Tadashi blushes as he thinks about the cries and moans Kei had drawn out of him and the warm waves of pleasure that crept into every inch of his body. As much as he’d love to bring those feelings into his piece, he’s not sure it’d fit.

But there still might be something to it.

Tadashi takes his phone out and starts a new audio recording.

He starts thinking about how every touch from Kei eases the coiled-up terror that still lives under his skin. He shuts his eyes and lets his fingers find the keys they need to express how that feels. To express the cozy feeling that replaces the fear and pain and makes the memories his body can’t forget less terrifying in his head.

He opens his eyes when his fingers lift off the keys and Tadashi reaches for his phone and stops the recording. He plugs in his earbuds and listens to what he just played and bites his lip.

It’s kind of perfect.

He has to transpose it a little bit but it will work.

He picks up his notebook and adds the notes to the sheet music and smiles. He has three weeks to practice this piece to perfection.

His phone buzzes with a call from his mom and he turns it off. He’s not ready to handle them when he goes with Kei over winter break. Hina texted him and asked if he wanted her to do it for him and he hasn’t answered yet. He wouldn’t put it past Niko to trace the call and show up at Hina’s house. He’ll probably have to do it again.

His cheek starts stinging again and he rubs his fingertips over it. 

_ “Capricorn.” _

_ “Cepheus.” _

_ “Libra.” _

Tadashi sighs and hears a knock on the door. A tall boy with dark hair waves shyly and Tadashi realizes his time is up. Tadashi waves them in and starts packing up.

“Sorry, lost track of my time,” he says.

“You’re good,” the other boy says. “I’m also a little early.”

Tadashi swings his backpack on and gives an awkward smile before darting out of the room. He sends Shoyo a message that he’s going to Kei’s room for a bit and then pockets his phone.

“You finished it?” Kei asks in awe. Tadashi nods and pushes around his potatoes on his plate. “Baby, that’s amazing!”

“I...actually love it,” Tadashi admits. He hasn’t composed in a while but he forgot how freeing it feels to write his own music. “The recital is free, by the way,” Tadashi adds.

Kei nods and takes a bite of dinner. “Send me the details and I’ll be there. Kotaro and Kuroo were wondering if they could come, too?”

Tadashi nods and blushes. “Y-Yeah. They can come. I also told Shoyo he could come and he’s probably bringing Tobio. Is that...too many people?”

Kei scoffs. “We all want to see you play, Tadashi.”

“No one’s wanted to in a long time,” he muses and Kei reaches out to take his hand. Tadashi links their pinkies and smiles.

“That’s over now,” Kei murmurs. “You’re incredible and we all want to hear you.”

Tadashi grins and rubs his knuckles. “How were your lectures today?”

Kei shrugs. “Fine, we’ve finally started final review so I might not actually fail now,” he says. “How’s astronomy studying going? Do you need any help?”

Tadashi shakes his head. “I don’t think so. Ito made a really good study guide.”

“Okay, well let me know if you need extra help,” Kei says and tickles his hand. “I’m so proud of you, angel,” Kei adds softly.

“Because I think I can study on my own?” Tadashi asks and Kei huffs a shy laugh.

“Well, that. But also that you’ve finished your piece and you’re doing so much better in dining halls and…I don’t know. I just love you.”

“I love you, too,” Tadashi murmurs. Kei blushes and rests his chin on his hand.

“I wish we both weren’t swamped tonight,” he says. 

“I know,” Tadashi says. Finals week is fast approaching and Kei has tons of work to do for his STEM classes and Tadashi has a bunch of essays to write and tests to start studying for. “But we’ll still have breakfast tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” Kei nods and finishes his plate. “You ready to go?”

Tadashi scoops his last bite and they stand up and walk to the busing station. “I’ll text you before I go to sleep,” Tadashi says.

Kei takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. “Let me know when you’re home, too. It’s already dark out.”

“I will.”

They walk out of the dining hall and Kei kisses Tadashi goodbye in the lobby and Tadashi rushes off to the bus stop. It’s weirdly quiet and the streets are basically empty. On a hunch, Tadashi opens his bus app and groans when he sees the message that the snow’s too intense for the buses to run certain routes. And of course, it’s the route he needs that’s not running.

Tadashi sighs, pushes back the memory of walking home on an icy night when he was young and pulls his hat over his ears.

At least it’s not as cold as that night.

He watches the fat snowflakes fall and shine in the street lights on the main roads of campus before turning into one of the small parks near the library.

It only takes him a couple of steps before feeling oddly uneasy. He looks over his shoulder and sees a silhouette a ways behind him. He shrugs and keeps walking but keeps one hand on his phone. A gust of wind blows by and he shivers and then…

Those aren’t just his footsteps.

He shouldn’t hear other footsteps.

Tadashi looks over his shoulder again and even in the dark, he can recognize the face smirking down at him. Ushijima reaches out and cups Tadashi’s jaw and he’s too scared to do anything.

“My, my. I finally caught you alone,” he says and slips his other hand around Tadashi’s waist.

“L-Let me go,” Tadashi stammers. Ushijima smiles sweetly and starts walking Tadashi against one of the walls of the library.

“And not pick up where we left off on Halloween?” Ushijima asks and plants one hand against the wall, trapping Tadashi between his body and the wall. Cutting off one of his escape routes. “But I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Tadashi wants to throw up.

“And you’re always with someone else,” Ushijima adds and moves his body just enough to cut off Tadashi’s last exit route. “I’ve been waiting for weeks to get you all to myself.”

Weeks. Weeks this man has followed him. How did nobody notice? How did  _ he _ not notice?

Tadashi starts panting and opens his mouth to call for help but Ushijima’s heavy hand clasps over his lips and he smiles at him.

“Come on, baby. Don’t ruin this for me,” he says and opens his jacket enough to flash him a knife. Tadashi whimpers and feels tears freeze on his cheeks.

What is he supposed to do?

Ushijima harshly turns Tadashi around so his face is pressed against the bricks of the wall and Ushijima grinds against him.

Tadashi gags and sobs against the wall. “Get off me,” he begs. Ushijima doesn’t say anything and his fingers unbutton and unzip Tadashi’s pants.

The air is so cold against Tadashi’s skin. The wind bites at his thighs and Ushijima’s hands follow the line of his hips and pull his ass against his crotch.

Tadashi hates that he’s so thankful for the fact that Ushijima is still wearing clothes right now.

“God, it feels better than I thought it would,” Ushijima says. Tadashi whimpers and lets out a scream. Ushijima pulls Tadashi’s whole body against him and wraps a hand around his throat. “If you make another sound I’ll cut your fucking tongue out, do you understand?”

Tadashi sobs and all he knows is that what he’s about to do might get him killed but he can hear a car so he has to take a chance.

“Help me!” He screeches at the top of his lungs. Ushijima throws them both into the ground, Tadashi on the bottom, and pushes him onto his back. Tadashi kicks as much as he can and the word ‘No’ keeps ripping out of his throat. Ushijima stabs the knife into the fabric of his jacket, thankfully missing his arm, and pulls down his own pants. He pins Tadashi’s flailing arms down with one hand, grips his hip with the other, and starts blindly thrusting against Tadashi’s groin.

“Shut the fuck up,” Ushijima hisses and presses his lips against Tadashi’s, silencing his cries. Tadashi whimpers against his lips and tries to turn his head away.

Then there’s a grunt and Ushijima’s weight is gone and Tadashi scrambles away to see a smaller man rolling around with Ushijima in the snow. A hand lands on Tadashi’s shoulder and he screeches again before seeing the girl who’s sometimes behind the desk for the practice rooms. Tadashi thinks her name is Kiyoko.

“Baby, what’s the ETA on campus police?” The man asks, who now has Ushijima pinned to the ground.

“Any second now,” Kiyoko says. As soon as the last word leaves her mouth Tadashi hears sirens and the flashing red and blue lights of campus police cars. One of the car’s doors open and two officers run across the grass towards them.

“I take it the culprit is the man underneath you,” an officer asks the man pinning Ushijima down. The man nods and another officer goes over to Kiyoko.

“Are you alright ma’am?”

“I’m fine. I’m the one who called 911. I’m not the victim,” she says and eyes Tadashi. The officer looks at Tadashi crying on the ground and then Tadashi’s suddenly aware his pants are at his ankles and he frantically tries to pull them up but his hands are shaking too much.

“Shit,” the officer murmurs and bends down next to Tadashi. “Are you okay?”

“No!” Tadashi screams and gives up on pulling his pants up and he buries his face in his hands. “He stalked me and I didn’t even know!” 

“Okay, okay,” the officer says. “He’s gone now, we’re taking him away. His odds of not going to prison don’t look good.”

Tadashi lifts his head and sobs loudly. He wraps his arms around his stomach and leans forward until his forehead is on the concrete.

“Hey, hey,” the man who tackled Ushijima says softly. “What’s your name?”

“Tadashi.”

“Hi, Tadashi. I’m Tanaka. What do you need? Want us to take you home?”

Tadashi screams a sob and nods. A hand rubs his back and he wants Kei more than anything in the world.

“Can Kiyoko help you with your pants or do you have it?” Tanaka asks.

Tadashi sits up and somehow manages to pull his pants back up and button them before he nearly falls to his knees. Tanaka grabs his arm and holds on tight but gently.

“You’re okay, I’ve got you. We’re not parked far from here, can you walk?”

Tadashi takes a step and his knees instantly buckle. Tanaka grabs him again and huffs a soft laugh.

“It’s okay. Want to jump on my back?” Tadashi nods and Tanaka squats down. Kiyoko comes over to his side and helps him onto Tanaka’s back.

“There we go,” Tanaka says and starts walking. “Can you tell me where you live?”

“Karasuno Hall,” Tadashi mumbles and sniffs. Kiyoko keeps her hand on his back the whole way back to the car and then helps him slide off Tanaka’s back and into the car.

“I lived there last year,” Tanaka says. “Which floor are you on?”

“Ninth,” Tadashi says and lets himself fall over to lay down along the backseats. Tanaka clicks his tongue.

“I lived on the third. Do you have a roommate?”

Tadashi nods just enough for Tanaka to see it and stares at the clock on the dashboard. It’s only seven-thirty. How long could that whole thing have been? It felt like hours, it was probably just a few minutes.

“Will your roommate be there?” Kiyoko asks.

“Probably,” Tadashi murmurs. Tanaka twists around in his seat to face him.

“Do you want me to call him? Or do you think you can handle it?”

Tadashi digs in his pocket for a second and hands Tanaka his phone. “8976,” he says. Tanaka unlocks the phone and heads over to messages.

“Who’s-”

“Shoyo Hinata.”

“Got it,” Tanaka turns back around and Kiyoko pulls into the parking lot. Tadashi doesn’t listen to what Tanaka says to Shoyo until his phone is being handed back to him. “He says he’ll come down and meet us in the lobby. Do you think you can get us in the building?” Tanaka asks. Tadashi nods and opens his door. His legs feel a little more sturdy but he still holds onto Tanaka’s arm walking up the steps and scanning his card.

Shoyo flies out of the stairwell at lightning speed and Tadashi grabs him in a hug. Shoyo’s so much shorter than Tadashi but he still buries his face in Shoyo’s shoulder and just sobs.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now,” Shoyo says and then lifts his head to address Tanaka. “Thanks so much for this, what actually happened?”

“We were driving by a park and heard a scream,” Kiyoko says. “We pulled over, called campus police, and then got out to see what was happening. Tanaka tackled that guy off him and then the police showed up.”

Tadashi clings onto Shoyo and starts shaking again. “Kei,” he cries out into Shoyo’s shoulder.

“You want Kei here?” Shoyo asks. Tadashi nods and steps away from Shoyo so he can fish out his phone. “You go upstairs, Tadashi, I’ll be up when Kei gets here.”

“We’ll come with you,” Tanaka says. “In case you don’t wanna be alone.”

Tadashi stumbles to the elevator and scans his ID. Tanaka and Kiyoko stand silently in the elevator and the ride is longer than Tadashi ever remembered.

Tadashi falls into his bed, Tanaka sits down on the floor, and Kiyoko sits next to Tadashi and rubs his back. It’s oddly comforting. He doesn’t even know this girl but her hands are soft and gentle and she’s humming something under her breath. Tanaka takes out a scrap of paper from his pocket and goes over to Tadashi’s desk. He picks up a pen and starts writing something and then hands it over to Tadashi.

“Hey. Here’s my number. Let me know how you’re doing tomorrow?” Tanaka asks. Tadashi takes the paper and clutches it in his fist.

“Sure,” he mutters and rolls away from him and Kiyoko. He feels so stupid. How did he not notice a person was stalking him for over a month? How did none of his friends notice? He’s not mad they didn’t see it, but he feels ridiculous that he didn’t.

His dorm door flies open and Tadashi lifts his head just in time for Kei to wrap him up in his arms.

“Oh, God. Tadashi-” Kei starts but Tadashi grips onto his clothes and sobs loudly. “You’re safe now. He’s never going to touch you again.”

Tadashi just growls into Kei’s chest and wants to kick himself.

“Tanaka?” Kei asks and Tadashi zones out for whatever their conversation is. His thighs are still tingling from the cold and his face stings from the bricks that scraped his cheeks and he pulls away from Kei just enough to grab his hand. He puts them on his cheeks and sighs. Kei’s hands are warm and a little sweaty but they’re safe and soft and Kei rubs his thumbs along his cheekbones.

“He...He didn’t get inside me,” Tadashi whispers. Kei nods and leans in to kiss the raw skin on Tadashi’s temple.

“That’s something,” Kei murmurs and Tadashi leans his head on Kei’s chest. “Are you okay, baby?”

Tadashi nods and shuts his eyes. All the adrenaline is draining out of him and he’s just shaky and tired.

“Hey, Tadashi?” Tanaka says and puts a hand on his arm. “Kiyoko and I are going to head out. Let me know how you’re doing tomorrow okay?”

Tadashi nods and gives them a weak wave goodbye and then it’s just him, Kei, and Shoyo in the room.

“What do you need, angel?” Kei murmurs. Tadashi sighs, breathing in Kei’s scent of lavender and sandalwood. He’s shaken and exhausted and probably won’t sleep well tonight, but...he feels so supported. So safe.

“My water bottle, you in my bed under my blankets, and Pokemon,” Tadashi says. Shoyo goes to his water bottle and runs to the hall to fill it up. Kei pulls away and helps him take his jacket off.

“Do you want to change? Get into some comfy clothes?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and Kei digs through his drawers until he finds a pair of flannel pants and a worn t-shirt. Tadashi takes them and pulls his clothes off and changes without getting off his bed. Shoyo comes back in and hands him his water bottle and his antidepressant.

“Are you okay with being touched right now?” Kei asks. Tadashi nods and Kei climbs in bed behind him and Shoyo pulls up Hulu on the Playstation. Kei spoons him and presses kisses to his temple and cheeks.

Pokemon XYZ starts playing and Shoyo goes to lock the door. “Door’s locked,” he says to Tadashi. “No one can come in.”

Tadashi smiles and hums. “Thanks, Shoyo.”

“You seem...oddly okay? Given the circumstances?” Shoyo says and Tadashi can feel Kei glaring at his roommate.

“One of the officers said he was probably going to prison. I don’t know how this shit works, but I kind of doubt that,” Tadashi murmurs. “But...I don’t know. I have you both. And the others. And now Tanaka, I guess?”

Kei snorts and presses a kiss to the back of his head. 

“I’m not...okay, really,” Tadashi says and shuts his eyes. “But I feel safe right now.”

“I think that’s all we can ask for,” Kei whispers and holds him tighter. “I’m proud of you for calling for help. That was smart.”

Tadashi nods and paws at Bulbasaur. “He had a knife on him. He said if I made a noise he’d cut my tongue out.”

Kei grips him closer and stiffens against Tadashi’s back.

“He also said he’d been following me for weeks. Waiting to get me alone.”

“What?” Shoyo breathes.

“H-How did we not see him?” Kei gasps out. Tadashi shrugs and watches the TV. 

“It doesn’t matter. He’s gone now,” Tadashi murmurs.

Kei strokes his hair and Shoyo falls back against his pillows. “Rest, Tadashi,” Kei murmurs. “Tomorrow’s a new day. Maybe it’ll be better.”

Tadashi holds Kei’s hand and nods. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too, baby,” Kei says and Tadashi lets his eyes fall closed.

He wakes up to a headline on Twitter about ‘University football star Wakatoshi Ushijima arrested and expelled due to sexual assault attempt on fellow student’ and groans. Kei reads it over his shoulder and whistles.

“Damn. They made quick work of him,” he says. “Your name isn’t in that is it?”

“It’s not,” Shoyo says, setting his phone down. “I read through it. They just say ‘a student.’”

“Thank fucking God,” Tadashi grumbles and snuggles closer to Kei. “Can...Can we just stay here today?” 

“Let me just email my discussion section that I won’t be in office hours and then we can just cuddle all day, okay?” Kei says.

Tadashi nods and reaches over for the scrap of paper with Tanaka’s number on it. Kei crawls over him and Tadashi sends Tanaka a message.

**Me:** _ Feeling okay this morning. Exhausted and still shaken but I’m going to spend the day in bed with my boyfriend and I think that will help. Thanks so much for what you did last night. _

Tadashi sets his phone down and Kei shuts his laptop. Shoyo hands Tadashi the Playstation remote, says goodbye, and heads out the door. Kei crawls behind Tadashi again. He sets his chin on the top of Tadashi’s head.

“How do you feel this morning?” Kei asks. Tadashi shrugs.

“Tired. Shaken up. But okay-ish,” Tadashi murmurs. Kei pulls him closer to his chest and nods. “I’m sorry I’m keeping you from your other classes.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kei murmurs. “I’m right where I need to be right now.” 

Tadashi presses a kiss to Kei’s jaw and picks up the Playstation remote. Kei tells him to put on iCarly and they fall asleep again within two episodes.

Tadashi wakes up to a message from Tanaka saying he’s glad Tadashi’s doing okay and that it wasn’t a problem tackling a football player off him. Tadashi rolls over and finds Kei lying on his back still asleep. He smiles and starts drumming his fingers on Kei’s ribs. Kei hums and his eyes slowly open and he grins at Tadashi.

“Hey, you,” he murmurs.

“Hi,” Tadashi whispers and curls up against Kei’s side. “Sorry I woke you.”

Kei chuckles and strokes Tadashi’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” Tadashi admits. “I still don’t want to go anywhere today.”

“You don’t have to, baby,” Kei says. “We can stay here.”

Tadashi sighs and climbs on top of Kei. “Can you...just...touch me? Everywhere? I-I want to erase his hands.”

Kei runs a finger down Tadashi’s nose and then cups his face. “You shouldn’t just repress these things.”

“I’m not,” Tadashi says. “I just… I can feel him. Still. And sometimes I can still feel my bullies but your touch...makes it go away. I’ll go to a counselor soon, I promise. I’m just not ready yet.”

Kei brings his forehead closer and gives Tadashi a kiss. “I understand,” he says softly. He runs his hands down Tadashi’s back, along his hips, and over his ass. Kei gives his cheeks a squeeze and Tadashi giggles.

“Sorry. I should have asked to do that,” Kei murmurs. 

“It’s okay. I love it,” Tadashi says. “I-I might be wrong, but I think I want you to touch my dick, too.”

“Okay,” Kei says calmly and slips a hand between their bodies and cups Tadashi’s groin. He gasps and leans into the contact. Kei traces some lines on his face and whispers, “Aries.”

Tadashi smiles and sighs and collapses against Kei’s body. “I love it when you do that,” he says.

Kei smiles and strokes his hair. “Is he gone?”

Tadashi nods and nuzzles Kei’s neck. “I love you a lot,” Tadashi says. Kei presses his cheek against Tadashi’s head and smiles.

“I love you, too,” Kei says and they roll back over to watch more iCarly before Shoyo shows up with food.

Professor Ito calls the TAs up to the front and Kei gives Tadashi a quick hug. “I’ll be out in a minute, wait for me outside?”

“I will,” Tadashi says and swings his backpack on, and takes his iPod out. He follows the flow out of the hall and stands outside near the door. He puts his earbuds in and scrolls through his music before a bud gets ripped out of his ear. Tadashi holds his ear and turns around with a growl on his lips before his heart falls into his stomach and his body goes cold.

“Holy shit, it is you,” Kindaichi muses, and Akira snickers next to him. “What the hell are you doing here, Dirt Face?’

Tadashi can’t speak. He can’t move. His face is stinging and ribs are aching and his fingers start shaking.

“Aww, did you think you saw the last of us?” Akira asks. Tadashi gulps and feels heat build behind his eyes.

He did. He thought he was free. He thought they were gone and he was safe and he’d never have to hear those nicknames ever again.

“I see you have just as many friends as ever,” Kindaichi teases and jabs at Tadashi’s cheek. “And that you never got these off your face.”

“Go away,” Tadashi snaps and hits Kindaichi’s hand away.

“Someone grew some balls,” Kindaichi chuckles and then swipes his iPod out of his hand. “The fuck is this?”

“Give that back!” Tadashi snarls and lunges for it. Kindaichi moves it just out of reach and chuckles.

“Who even has an iPod anymore? What songs you have on this piece of junk?”

“Give it back!” Tadashi shouts and then Akira’s fist flies into his stomach. Tadashi crumples to his knees and coughs. There’s a hand reaching for him, probably to pull him up and hit him again, and he pushes the hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

“If you want your ancient block of metal back, get on your feet you fucking faggot,” Kindaichi teases. Tadashi flinches and starts to get back up and then there are fingers in his face again and he can’t keep his tears from falling and he screams at them to go away again.

“Tadashi!” Kei’s voice calls and then his safe and familiar arms pull Tadashi away from his bullies. “What do you think you’re doing?” Kei roars.

“You have a friend, Tadashi?” Akira asks.

“Don’t fucking talk to him,” Kei demands. “Who the hell are you?”

“Introduce us, Tadashi,” Kindaichi says. “Don’t be rude.”

“What did I just say!” Kei shouts. “Don’t talk to him. Tell me who you are!” Tadashi steps forward and stands beside Kei.

“They’re my bullies,” he whispers. “I-I didn’t know they went here.”

Kindaichi smirks and tosses Tadashi’s iPod between his hands. “Well, we’re normally in the evening lecture but… There’s a party tonight we want to go to. But now I know that Dirt Face is in the morning lecture…”

“You will not come near him again, do you understand?” Kei snarls. “I will fucking end you if you even think about coming near him again.”

“Oooh, Tadashi. You got yourself a Knight in Shining Armor,” Akira laughs. Tadashi shrinks back behind Kei and tries not to whimper. He feels sick. He’s shaking so hard and he thinks he might throw up.

“Give him his iPod back and get the fuck out of here before I make you,” Kei snaps. Akira takes a charged step towards them but Kindaichi holds his arm out.

“No, no, Akira. We’ll go,” Kindaichi says. “I know when we’ve outstayed our welcome. Here,” he says and holds the iPod out to Tadashi. Kei steps aside and Tadashi holds his hand out. Kindaichi smirks and lets his fingers slip away before Tadashi can take his iPod.

“No!” Tadashi shrieks and he makes a last-minute grasp for his falling device before it lands on a patch of ice and Kindaichi’s heel stomps on the already broken iPod and pieces scatter all around. “No!” Tadashi screams and clutches a piece of jagged metal and glass.

He can feel the glass cutting into his hand but he can’t feel the pain. He hears someone sobbing and it takes him a moment to realize it’s him. He hasn’t screamed and cried like this since…

_ “Tadashi, it’s time to let go,” the nurse says calmly. Tadashi doesn’t take his eyes off  _ obachan _ or even try to take his hand out of her now cold one. His eyes are sore from crying and his cheeks are soaked. He doesn’t want to leave. If he leaves that means he has to face the world without her. _

_ Face his life without her. _

_ He can’t survive his own existence by himself. _

_ “No,” Tadashi whispers. _

_ “Sweetie, she’s gone,” the nurse whispers. “You have to let go.” _

_ “No!” Tadashi sobs. “She can’t leave me yet!” _

_ “Honey, she’s passed. She’s in a better place now.” The nurse puts a hand on his arm and gently tugs him. _

_ “Let go,” Tadashi snaps. The nurse moves her hand but shakes her head. _

_ “You have to go now.” _

_ “No! I’m not ready, she can’t leave me!” _

_ “Tadashi!” Hiroshi’s voice booms and then his father’s arms are around his waist and the nurse pries his fingers off his grandma’s hand. _

_ “No! No, she can’t leave me! She can’t leave me!” Tadashi screams and squirms in his father’s grip, trying to get back to her. _

_ “Quiet, Tadashi,” Hiroshi says softly. _

_ “Let me go! Let me go! Don’t take her away!” _

_ He watches a nurse cover her with a blanket and Tadashi fights harder to go back. “Tadashi, stop it,” Hiroshi murmurs. _

_ “No! Don’t leave me! I need her, bring her back!” _

_ “She’s gone,” Hiroshi says. “You have to accept it.” _

_ “No!” Tadashi screams and falls back against Hiroshi. He can’t stop whispering the word ‘No’ and Hiroshi has to cover his eyes when they roll his grandma’s body out of the room and down the hall. _

Kei’s war cry brings him out of his memories and then Kuroo is holding his boyfriend back by his arms.

“What happened here?” Kuroo demands.

“Aw, are you Dirt Face’s friend, too?” Akira asks. Kuroo frowns and Kindaichi looks over at Tadashi. Tadashi gasps a sob and keeps gathering the parts of the last piece of  _ obachan _ he had.

The only person who truly loved him before he met Shoyo and Kei.

“You broke his iPod?” Kuroo asks.

“That his grandma gave him before she died,” Kei snarls. Kindaichi snorts.

“Why is it such a big deal? He’s just so fucking sensitive,” he says. Kuroo glares and lets go of Kei’s arms.

“Have at them, Tsukishima.”

Kei growls and throws himself at Kindaichi. Tadashi only watches their fight for a second before Kuroo is kneeling next to him.

“We can fix it,” Kuroo murmurs. 

“No, we can’t!” Tadashi snarls and opens his hands. Even if it weren’t an iPod 4, the device would be completely totaled. It’s shattered and broken and irreparable. 

Kuroo sighs. “No… We can’t.”

Tadashi folds over and clutches the pieces and screams. This was supposed to be four years of healing. Making friends, having a boyfriend, getting over his anxiety, and  _ being away  _ from the people who made his life a living hell.

And he never made it out.

He’s still in an abyss and he dragged people down there with him. 

He never escaped.

Hell followed him here.


	16. Black Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoyo looks up in horror when Tadashi and Kei walk into the dorm and Kei just shakes his head. Tadashi crawls into bed and Kei climbs in after him. His boyfriend curls up against him. Kei sighs, shuts his eyes, and feels a tear roll down his cheek.  
>  How much more is the universe going to put this beautiful boy through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little TW for referring to the past sexual assault and a little bit of victim-blaming but otherwise this chapter's wholesome.   
> Also a little smut. As a treat.

Kei probably should have considered that he’s never thrown a punch before when he tackles Kindaichi to the ground. Kei wildly tries to hit the boy beneath him and roars in a way he’s never sounded like before.

“Get off me, you psycho!” Kindaichi growls and tries to push Kei off him.

“Did you get off of him! Did you leave him alone!” Kei shouts. “Now you know what it felt like!”

“Fuck off, asshole!” Kindaichi shouts back and manages to throw Kei off him. Kei growls and gets ready to attack again until he hears,

“Kei!” Kuroo. He turns around and sees him holding a limp Tadashi. His boyfriend’s eyes are glazed over and empty. He’s still staring dejectedly at the broken iPod on the ground and Kei rushes over and cups Tadashi’s face.

“Baby?” Kei asks.

“Oh my god, you’re his boyfriend?” Kindaichi asks from somewhere behind Kei. Kuroo glowers at the boy.

“Get out of here or you won’t have as good luck with me as you did with Kei,” he threatens. Kindaichi scoffs but nudges Akira and they walk off. Tadashi still hasn’t reacted to anything.

“Tadashi?”

He looks up at Kei and slowly crawls into Kei’s lap. “Take me home,” he murmurs. Kei nods and Tadashi stands up on shaking legs. Kei grabs as many pieces of the broken iPod as he can. There’s a stupid but potent hope that maybe Kei can fix this. Maybe he can make this one thing better. Maybe he can make him stop hurting just a little bit.

“Just leave it, Kei!” Tadashi snaps. “We can’t fix it!  _ You  _ can’t fix it!” Tears are rolling steadily down his cheeks and Kei can feel the rage rolling off him.

“I want to try,” Kei says and stands up.

“Try what?” Tadashi sobs furiously. “Look what they did to it! There’s nothing to try and she’s gone forever!”

Kei looks down at the shattered, dented, and jagged device in his hand. Tadashi storms over and tries to rip it out of Kei’s hand.

“Just throw it away!” Tadashi shouts.

“No! I-I think I can-”

“You can’t!” Tadashi roars and people passing by stop and stare and him fuming. “You can’t fix it and you can’t fix me!”

Kei steps back and clutches the iPod tighter. “Tadashi-”

“I’m broken and worthless and you can’t change that!” Tadashi snaps. “You can’t change me or bring her back!”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Kei says softly. “Please. I think there might be something I can do.”

“It won’t make it better!” Tadashi growls. “That was my last piece of her!”

“I-I know,” Kei says. “Baby, please let me try something.”

“Do whatever you want, Kei!” Tadashi yells. “Just don’t come back with your fucking tail between your legs!”

“Tadashi-”

“Just go away!” He yells. “If you’re so dead-set on ‘fixing it’ go do it already!”

Kuroo comes over and holds Tadashi’s arm. “You don’t mean that. I know you’re angry but Kei’s just trying to help.”

“Get off me!” Tadashi shouts and glares at Kuroo. “You don’t know anything about it! And you said we can’t fix it!”

“I know,” Kuroo says. “But give Kei a chance.”

“Fuck off! Both of you!” Tadashi snarls and walks away. Kei growls under his breath and grabs his boyfriend’s arm.

“I promised you I wouldn’t disappear again. I’m not leaving you when you need someone to help you.”

Tadashi whips around and pushes Kei in the chest. “Stop trying to fix me! I’m not worth it!”

“Yes you are,” Kei says. “You are and I’m not trying to ‘fix’ you. I just want to help you because I love you and I want you to be happy!”

Tadashi shouts and starts pounding on Kei’s chest with grunts and sobs of pain and anger. Kei just wraps his arms around him and holds the back of Tadashi’s head until the fists fall and he grips his jacket and just  _ breaks.  _

Kei’s eyes water at the sounds coming out of his boyfriend and he keeps stroking his hair. After a few minutes, Tadashi looks up and sniffs.

“You...You really think you can fix it?”

Kei holds him closer and kisses his head. “I’m going to try.”

Tadashi sobs and nods into Kei’s chest. “I’m sorry I shouted at you,” he murmurs.

“It’s okay, angel,” Kei says. “Let’s get you home.”

Shoyo looks up in horror when Tadashi and Kei walk into the dorm and Kei just shakes his head. Tadashi crawls into bed and Kei climbs in after him. His boyfriend curls up against him. Kei sighs, shuts his eyes and feels a tear roll down his cheek.

How much more is the universe going to put this beautiful boy through?

The man behind the counter raises an eyebrow at Kei when he looks at the lump of metal and glass.

“Yeah, that thing is ruined,” he says. Kei pushes it closer and grinds his teeth.

“I don’t need it to work again. I just need the music that was on it.”

“I’m not going to be able to get to iTunes on this piece of garbage,” the man says. Kei sighs and rubs his eye.

“I don’t need you to get to iTunes. If I could just have a list of the songs that were on it. I don’t want the device fixed, all I need is the music.”

The man exhales and hums for a second. “I can try. I can’t guarantee anything. But I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” Kei breathes and gets his wallet out. “How much?”

“Put twenty down and I’ll tell you the rest when it’s done. If I can do it.”

Kei nods and puts a twenty-dollar bill on the counter and turns around. He leaves the store and looks at the snow falling down. He feels so inadequate he can’t bear it. All he wants is a list of music that kept Tadashi close to his grandmother. Tadashi’s been a shell of a person for the past two days. He’s barely eating and when they are in the dining hall, he’s more anxious than Kei’s ever seen him. Even Shoyo said that when they first got to college it wasn’t this bad. He keeps going blank and needs Kei’s hands on his cheeks almost constantly. He’s jumpy when anyone other than Kei tries to touch him and barely speaks.

Because he doesn’t feel safe anymore.

All the progress he made over the last couple of months is gone.

He’s scared to go outside the dorm alone. Not the dorm building, his dorm room.

Kei can’t take it anymore. It hurts too much to see Tadashi get smaller and smaller and quieter and quieter.

He hates that it’s not just because of a broken iPod.

He hates that it’s because he was sexually assaulted.

He hates that it’s because his tormentors go to the same school as him.

Kei gets off his bus and walks up to Tadashi’s dorm building and sneaks his way into the elevator. He gets off on the ninth floor and opens the door. Shoyo’s gone but Tadashi’s sitting on his bed holding Bulbasaur.

“This is where I left you,” Kei says softly. Tadashi exhales shakily and sniffs.

“I-I had a panic attack as soon as you left. I’m still coming down from it.”

Kei’s heart clenches and then he sets his jaw. “Get dressed.”

“What?”

“I’m taking you to a counselor. Get changed,” Kei says. Tadashi’s eyes go wide.

“I said I wasn’t-”

“You’re never going to be ready, ‘Dashi. We have to rip the bandaid off.”

Tadashi tries to argue but he grumbles and takes the pants and sweater that Kei’s holding out to him. “They might not even be able to get me in,” Tadashi mumbles.

“Then we make an appointment for tomorrow,” Kei says and leads Tadashi out of his room. “Either way, you’re getting professional help.”

Tadashi pouts but follows Kei into the elevator. Kei chuckles and gives Tadashi’s cheek a kiss.

“You can act as pissy as you want, I’m doing this because I love you.”

“I know,” Tadashi says softly and leans his head on Kei’s shoulder. “I love you, too. And I’m...thankful for this. Somewhere.”

Kei smiles and kisses his head. “Also my mom’s coming for a visit and I told her you’re really gonna need a hug so get ready for that.”

Tadashi laughs softly and takes Kei’s hand. “I love your mom.”

“I think she’s about ready to get into a custody battle.”

Tadashi giggles and Kei’s heart soars. He hasn’t heard that sound in three days. They step off the elevator and head out the door towards the dining hall. Student Counselling is only a block or so away.

“Are there any crisis appointments available or support groups or anything someone could join kind of last minute?” Kei asks the lady at the front desk. Tadashi’s hiding behind him, gently holding his jacket.

“All our crisis therapists are busy for the next hour and the only group meeting is the sexual assault survivors group. That starts in two minutes but-”

“I need that group,” Tadashi squeaks and trembles forward. “Can...Can I join that group? Now?”

The woman’s face softens. “It was recent, wasn’t it?” She murmurs. Tadashi sniffs and nods. “They’re in room four. We’ll do proper registration stuff when you’re done, okay sweetie?” Tadashi nods again and faces the hallway.

“Hey, baby,” Kei says and holds his shoulder. “It’s okay. You’ve got this.”

“Don’t go.”

“I’ll wait here. I’m not going anywhere. Want me to nab that crisis appointment for you, too?”

“Please,” Tadashi whispers and stands on his toes for a quick kiss before running down the hall. Kei turns back to the lady at the desk and she smiles at him.

“What’s his name, I’ll get him the next crisis appointment.”

“Tadashi Yamaguchi,” Kei says and the lady starts typing.

“All right, he’s all set. He’s lucky to have you,” she says. Kei blushes and goes to sit in one of the chairs.

His phone buzzes and he nearly jumps for joy at the message.

**Radio Shack Man:** _ I can get the music off the iPod. It’s just going to be a list but I think that’s all you said you needed. _

Kei types a reply and lets his leg start jogging in excitement. He messages Tadashi to let him know about the crisis appointment.

And he waits.

An hour passes and Tadashi checks in with the lady about his crisis appointment and another woman with long red hair and glasses shakes his hand and takes him into another room.

Kei grins to himself. All the tension that had been racking his boyfriend’s body is gone. He looks tired but better. His phone buzzes again.

**Mom:** _ Tobio says you haven’t been in your dorm for a couple of days? Where are you, are you safe? _

**Me:** _ Yeah I’m fine. But Tadashi isn’t. We’re at student counseling right now. _

Hina says that she’ll meet them there and Kei leans his head against the wall. Sighing, he caves into a desire he’s been suppressing for days and opens up Safari and googles the name Wakatoshi Ushijima. The first result is what Tadashi saw on Twitter the morning after the assault. Shoyo said his name wasn’t in it, but Kei’s still curious. According to Tanaka’s girlfriend, the cop said Ushijima didn’t stand a good chance of not going to prison. Kei figured he got some sort of deal because he’s an athlete but he still clicks on the article.

It’s short. Only a couple of paragraphs. But it still makes Kei’s blood boil.

_ On the night of December 4th, University football quarterback star Wakatoshi Ushijima was found on top of a semi-nude student outside of Vade Mecum Library. The altercation was interrupted by some bystanders who called campus police. Ushijima was taken away to a campus holding cell without any hesitation. _

_ The student-athlete was offered a deal to avoid jail time or a trial that could ruin his career. The University said, with Coach Tanji Washijo’s consent, that if Ushijima admitted he attempted an assault on the other student, he would just be expelled and nothing would go on his criminal record. Ushijima accepted the offer after an hour at the university police office.  _

_ The identity of the other student involved in the accident is unknown. The University has not issued any statement that the student will reveal his or her self. _

Kei stuffs his phone into his pocket harshly and with shaking hands. Calling it an ‘attempt’ and an ‘accident’ makes him furious. It was clearly masterfully written to avoid tainting Ushijima’s chances of getting on another school’s football team. To make it seem like nothing happened. To make it seem like it wasn’t Ushijima’s fault and that it wasn’t a big deal. Meanwhile, Tadashi’s been more anxious than ever, zoning out constantly, and unable to go to classes.

Kei knows more of it is due to learning his bullies go here, but he can tell he’s not as ‘okay’ with what happened outside that library a week ago.

Kei’s the only person allowed to touch him.

Shoyo says he has nightmares almost every night and he’ll try to protect his groin in his sleep.

On the nights Kei spends in his bed, he’ll wake up to his hand on Tadashi’s hips or waist or crotch because he’s trying to erase the feeling of Ushijima on his body.

His baby is suffering.

And this athlete gets off scot-free.

Tadashi’s at two different therapy appointments in the same afternoon and Ushijima still has a chance to be a football star.

It’s maddening.

A door clicks open and Tadashi steps out. He talks with the lady at the front desk for a minute and then comes over to Kei.

“Hey, baby,” Kei murmurs and stands up. Tadashi instantly walks into Kei’s embrace, wrapping his arms around his middle. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Tadashi murmurs into Kei’s shirt. “But...good. I think.” Kei sighs with relief and squeezes him closer.

“My mom’s outside, let’s go. I’m so proud of you,” Kei whispers. Tadashi hums, pulls away and takes Kei’s hand.

Hina pops off the bench she was sitting on as soon as she hears the front door open. Tadashi whimpers softly and Hina holds her arms out.

“Come here, sweetheart,” she says gently and Tadashi breaks. He stumbles away from Kei and Hina has to catch him before he falls to his knees. She looks up at Kei, worry, and terror in her eyes, and then holds Tadashi close to her. “What happened, love? Kei said you had a hard week.”

Tadashi takes a shuddering breath. Kei’s eyes well up and he has to look away. “My...bullies go here,” Tadashi whines. “A-And some guy who tried to fuck me on Halloween stalked me and I didn’t know it and got me again last week and Kindaichi broke my iPod and I thought I got away from them!”

Kei can’t stand the noises coming out of the other boy. Hina holds him tight against her but looks up at Kei.

_ “He got assaulted?”  _ she mouths to him. Kei nods and kneels down next to Tadashi. “I’m so sorry, baby,” Hina murmurs into Tadashi’s hair. “Come on. I’ll bring you both home and let’s see if some soup, hot cocoa, and Yuki can help you feel a little better, okay?”

Kei smiles and Tadashi nods. They all stand up and Hina falls back next to Kei as they walk to the car.

“That football player who got expelled. It wasn’t him, was it?”

Kei doesn’t say anything.

“Kei?” Hina whispers. Tadashi’s already climbed into the backseat and has his phone out.

“If he wants to tell you who attacked him, he will,” Kei says. He gets into the passenger’s seat and watches Tadashi in the rearview mirror. He looks like a berry again, tear tracks staining his cheeks. His eyes are bright, though. He’s smiling at his phone. Maybe he meant it when he said he was good.

Hina starts the car and drives away. The ride is silent but Tadashi doesn’t look so despondent. He’s awake but clearly exhausted.

“Are you sure you’re okay,” Hina asks. “That’s one traumatic week.” Tadashi chuckles at his hot cocoa. He nods his head and wipes a stray tear off his cheek. Kei takes his hand.

“I’m okay, really.”

Hina sits down across from Kei at the table and folds her hands in front of her. “We should talk about how we can keep you safe now that we know those kids go to school with you.”

“That isn’t going all online,” Kei adds. “Online college just doesn’t work.”

Tadashi nods. “I know. But it’s not like I can do anything to make them leave me alone. And they’re adults, I can’t ask the professor to kick them out or something.”

“No, you can’t,” Hina agrees. “You may just have to try to ignore them, baby.”

“I tried that in school,” Tadashi says. “They just got more violent so they could get a reaction out of me.”

Kei’s fist clenches under the table.

Hina’s eyes sparkle. “But here’s the thing, honey. They’re adults. If they hit you now, it’s a battery charge. They can’t lay a hand on you without the possibility of legal action being taken against them.”

Tadashi’s head rises and his eyes glimmer with hope. “Really?”

Hina grins. “And I bet they know that. Especially after a football player just got expelled. You’re protected by the law now, Tadashi. And your friends. And Kei,” she says. “You’re untouchable.”

Tadashi smirks. “Untouchable,” he whispers. Kei squeezes his hand. He doesn’t want to think about how long his boyfriend has been waiting for that word.

Hina drops them off at Tadashi’s dorm. Shoyo and Tobio are probably at their volleyball game. Kei feels a little guilty about leaving Kenma alone on the bleachers but that boy probably doesn’t care. He’s probably happily playing Animal Crossing.

Kei’s thoughts are interrupted by Tadashi walking into him and wrapping his arms around Kei’s middle.

“Thank you for today,” he says. “I-I have a lot of work to do, but I’m finally okay.”

“Good,” Kei murmurs. “And you’re more than welcome.”

Tadashi smiles up at him. “I really love you.”

Kei cups his cheek and presses their lips together. Tadashi sighs into his mouth and slides his tongue along Kei’s lips and pulls their bodies closer. Kei groans and bites down on Tadashi’s neck and sucks. Tadashi gasps, his nails scratching Kei’s back through his shirt.

“Kei,” he whispers and holds Kei’s head against his neck and throws his head back. “Please.”

“Are you sure?” Kei asks, pulling away enough to look Tadashi in the eye. Tadashi nods.

“I want you.”

“I want you, too, but I don’t want you to rush-”

“I promise you I’m okay,” Tadashi says gently and takes Kei’s hand. He fiddles with his fingers between them. “I’ll tell you to stop if I get scared or something. But right now I want you to bend me over this desk and make me scream.”

Kei smirks and steps away. “Then strip for me, baby.”

Tadashi laughs breathlessly and pulls his shirt off. Kei watches and licks his lips when Tadashi’s pants fall to the ground. Kei pulls his own shirt off and wraps his arms around Tadashi’s hips.

“Now get on the desk. On all fours,” Kei says and bites Tadashi’s earlobe. Tadashi obeys and his cheeks are already so flushed. Kei spreads his cheeks apart and starts swirling his tongue around Tadashi’s rim.

The moan that leaves him is filthy and Kei whines at the sound. He keeps swirling and lapping around his hole and Tadashi’s arms start shaking and Kei smirks to himself.

Someone wanted to rob their own pleasure from Tadashi. Someone just wanted to use him to get themselves off.

Kei vows to himself that Tadashi will know one day that his body does not solely exist to give someone else pleasure. It’s for him. His body is his to enjoy. And Kei can provide him with pleasure.

He pushes his tongue inside Tadashi’s hole and relishes the high-pitched keening whine that Tadashi lets out. He wiggles his tongue, eliciting pure gasps of pleasure from Tadashi. Kei keeps going until he thinks Tadashi’s close to cumming and he pulls out. Tadashi whimpers at the loss of contact but then Kei gently pulls him down so his feet are on the floor. Kei puts a hand on Tadashi’s back and pushes him down so his chest is parallel with the desk.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Kei says and lines his tip up. Tadashi gasps as he slides inside him and hums with pleasure.

“Don’t you dare stop,” Tadashi murmurs. Kei smiles and starts rolling his hips. It’s somehow so much easier to find his prostate when he’s bent over. Tadashi’s a moaning, sobbing mess.

“Kei!” he moans loudly and Kei puts his hands on Tadashi’s thighs. “Fuck-”

“You still doing okay?” Kei asks.

“Oh God, yes,” Tadashi breathes out. “Keep going.”

“Anything for you,” Kei says and thrusts deeper. He and Tadashi groan at the same time and Kei feels himself get closer and closer. They’re both screaming in pleasure, loud enough that somewhere in the back of Kei’s head he’s worried someone will hear, but he doesn’t care. It’s been a week since Tadashi felt remotely comfortable or safe in his own skin. If this is what helps him feel better, Kei will fuck him loud enough for the next dorm hall to hear.


	17. Decrescendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And now, our last performer with his piece Moon Island, Tadashi Yamaguchi!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! So as I was planning this chapter I sort of came to the realization that this was the end! There's gonna be one more part though, a little surprise, but this is the end of the story!  
> Enjoy!

Tanaka is waiting outside of Tadashi’s residence hall when he gets off the bus from the practice room. Tadashi digs in his bag for his ID and Tanaka comes over to him.

“Are you stalking me now?” Tadashi asks. Tanaka laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

“I just wanted to check on you. It’s been over a week, I know, but...I wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”

Tadashi smiles at his shoes. “I’m okay. I-I actually found a support group. My boyfriend dragged me to therapy a couple of days ago.”

Tanaka’s eyes go wide. “Damn, boy. You’ve got some good people in your corner.”

“I do,” Tadashi muses. “Um, I actually have group soon, I have to go.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Tanaka says. “It’s getting dark.”

Tadashi murmurs a thanks. He didn’t want to ask someone to walk with him but he was terrified of having to walk across the pharmacy building alone.

“Are you a student here?” Tadashi asks.

“I’m a junior,” Tanaka says with a nod. “I’m actually in your astronomy class, just the evening lecture. I put off doing my gen eds.”

“Oh,” Tadashi murmurs. He remembers hearing Kindaichi and Akira mention they were in the evening lecture and his stomach churns.

Tanaka opens his mouth to say something else but then they walk up to the student counseling building.

“Thanks for walking with me,” Tadashi says. Tanaka waves his hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry about it, dude. Let me know if you need a ride home.”

Tadashi nods and pauses. “Hey...I have a recital coming up in a couple of days. Do...you want to come?”

“Recital?”

“I’m a piano major. My final project is presenting a piece I composed. Do you want to see me perform it?”

Tanaka blinks and smiles bright enough to light up the street. “Fuck yeah, dude. Send me the info.”

“I will,” Tadashi beams and turns back towards the building.

“Wait,” Shemika says, leaning forward in her seat. “You’re the student that football player attacked?”

Tadashi nods. “Yeah. That was me.”

“Oh, you have to expose his ass,” Shemika exclaims. “You left that altercation with trauma and he left with a chance to play football somewhere else?”

“He actually got recruited by the Cincinnati Bearcats the other day,” Yasmin says.

Shemika throws a hand towards Yasmin. “Cincinnati is in the top ten in the country!” She exclaims. “He fucking upgraded! There’s a whole article explaining that he assaulted a student and he gets to play for one of the top ten teams in the nation! Does that not piss you off, Yams?”

Tadashi clenches his fists. He did see something about how Ushijima got recruited. He figured it was probably by some community college or something. He didn’t think a big school with big athletics would actually let him play.

It does more than piss him off.

It enrages him.

“I spent a whole week,” Tadashi growls softly. “Unable to leave my dorm room. Barely able to let my boyfriend touch me. Jumping at every little sound. And he gets to play football two weeks after he pulled my pants down, nearly stabbed me, and rutted against me like a fucking dog?”

“Get mad, Tadashi,” Helen says with a smile.

“Fuck it up, Yams,” Shemika encourages.

“How do I expose him?” He asks Helen. Helen smirks and pulls her phone out.

“Pretty sure Cincinnati’s coach tweeted about it. You condense your story to 280 characters and call him what he is.”

“A rat bastard,” Shemika grins.

“A fucking rapist,” Yasmin adds.

_ 12/15/21--8:48 P.M. _

**_Reply to @CinCoachJennings_ **

**_Tadashi.yams_ **

_ I know @Ushiwaka05. He tried to rape me at a Halloween party. Then he stalked and assaulted me outside Vade Mecum Library. Just in case you were wondering who you signed on _

Kei tugs Tadashi’s arm and pulls him into bed with him. Tadashi sighs and rests his head on his shoulder.

“I know you didn’t have a lot of time to study for that final,” Kei says. “But it’s just a gen ed. All you have to do is pass.”

“I didn’t get above seventy-five percent on any of the exams,” Tadashi murmurs.

“That still means you passed, baby. And your homework grade looks good. You’ll be fine.”

“I guess,” Tadashi mumbles. “I just wanted to make Ito not hate me.”

“Ito hates everyone,” Kei says. “Ito hates Kuroo, Kotaro, and I and we’re his TAs. Ito hates Kenma and he’s never even met him.”

Tadashi laughs and drapes his leg over Kei’s waist. Kei smirks at him and runs a hand up to his throat.

“Do you want round two, baby?” Kei asks. Instead of answering, Tadashi straddles Kei’s hips and grinds down on him. Kei moans, putting his hands on Tadashi’s hips.

Tadashi throws his head back and a moan slips out of his mouth. “Can-Can I ride you?”

Kei grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Tadashi sits up so Kei can adjust and then he lowers himself down. He hums at the slight discomfort that only lasts a second before it turns into a gasp. Kei bucks his hips up and Tadashi whines so loud he has to bite his hand.

“Get moving, baby,” Kei says. Tadashi chuckles breathlessly and starts bouncing.

“Oh, fuck,” Tadashi gasps, and then Kei reaches out and wraps his hand around his dick and starts stroking. “Kei!”

“Feel good, ‘Dashi?”

Tadashi nods, gasping, and his whole body clenches in pleasure and he cums all over his belly and Kei’s hand. He sighs and waits a second before climbing off of Kei and flopping on his stomach next to him. Kei rubs his hand over his back.

“Okay?” Kei murmurs.

Tadashi nods. “I’m okay. I told you I feel safe with you.”

“I know,” Kei says softly. “I just don’t want to hurt you or scare you. That asshole really hurt you I don’t want-”

Tadashi stretches up and kisses Kei. His hand cups Tadashi’s face and he nips at his bottom lip.

“I know. But you’re you. You always make me feel safe.”

Kei smiles and pulls him into a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Tadashi whispers. His phone buzzes and he picks it up, a tiny piece of him hoping it’s from Twitter. It’s just his dad arguing with him in the group chat about how they’re not invited to his recital and he’s staying with Kei over the break. Kei rests his cheek on Tadashi’s head.

“Calling him out isn’t going to change anything, is it?” He asks.

“Probably not,” Tadashi sighs and puts his phone down. “Most people are calling me a liar.”

Kei fumes for a second. “I swear to God-”

“It’s fine, Kei. I said my piece, I don’t care what strangers think. All I care about is that the coach saw it.”

“Still,” Kei mutters. “It’d be nice if someone held him accountable.”

Tadashi sighs. “Yeah. It would.”

“If I ever see him again, I’ll fucking kill him,” Kei says.

Tadashi laughs. “I’d rather just never see him again.”

“Can I track him down, then?”

“No.”

“You’re no fun,” Kei teases. Tadashi beams and Kei kisses his forehead. “Are you ready for your recital?”

“I think so,” Tadashi says. “I just...don’t want them to come.”

“They won’t. You’ll have us cheering for you,” Kei says.

“No one’s cheered for me in three years,” Tadashi whispers.

Kei kisses his head. “That’s all over, my little nebula. You get to be happy now.” Tadashi hums and nuzzles closer to Kei.

Happy. Maybe it’s not as foreign as he thought it was.

Akiteru had to lend Tadashi a suit to wear and he tugs on the sleeves backstage. Amelie’s piece is longer than the time frame and suddenly his stomach starts churning. He takes a shuddering breath and his teacher comes up behind him.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks.

“Just...got nervous all of a sudden,” Tadashi says. He pulls on his fingers and tries to ignore what his mom would tell him before his recitals after his grandma couldn’t come to them anymore.

_ “No one actually cares. No one’s there to hear  _ you. _ Just hurry up and stop wasting my gas.” _

“You have nothing to be nervous about,” his professor says calmly. “You know your piece by heart and you won’t be able to see the audience. If anyone should be nervous, it’s them. They’re about to hear something like they’ve never heard before.”

Tadashi’s eyes go wide and the crowd cheers for Amelie. His professor winks at him and then goes out on stage to announce Tadashi.

“Thank you so much Amelie Winter for  _ Nightlife.  _ Before I announce our last performer, I want to thank Mercury Auditorium for hosting us tonight. Please give a round of applause for all those working behind the scenes.”

The crowd claps and Tadashi tries taking a deep breath.

“And now, our last performer with his piece  _ Moon Island _ , Tadashi Yamaguchi!”

_ “Go show them your magic, baby.” _ He hears and smiles to himself. He walks out with his head held high and shakes his professor’s hand.

“Good luck,” his professor whispers and walks off. Tadashi waves to an audience he can barely see and goes to sit down at the large, black, grand piano on the stage. He waits for everything to be silent and he lifts his hands to the keys.

Part of performing is easy. He can close his eyes if he has to. He knows where his fingers have to go.

He starts to play.

It starts off on the lower keys. Slow and smooth and sad. It’s for his two days here. His parents left him in a strange place, alone in his dorm without saying goodbye. All they said was ‘please reconsider.’ Then they left him. He was there two days before his roommate and terrified out of his mind.

He knew he was supposed to leave the door open. Go outside and do some of the activities they had planned for the freshmen and transfer students.

But he couldn’t. He hid in his room and only left to get microwave meals from the small convenience store down in the basement.

He switches to a more major key and dances his way up to a higher spot on the piano. It’s for Shoyo. The first person who ever greeted him with warm eyes and a hand without the intention of hitting him.

_ “My name’s Shoyo Hinata, it’s nice to meet you, what’s your name, how tall are you?” _

_ “Uh, i-it’s nice to meet you, too. I’m Tadashi...Ya-Yamaguchi. Um. I’m 5’10”.”  _

_ “Want to go exploring? I’ve never been to this area before, have you?” _

_ “Uh, no I haven’t. We-We can go out.” _

They had gone to the river and splashed each other. They went to the rec center and climbed the rock wall. They did the dining hall crawl. They watched  _ Black Panther  _ on the main lawn and got sodas from a store across the street. Tadashi kept waiting for Shoyo to leave him. To ditch him somewhere and Tadashi would have to go back to their dorm alone. He kept waiting for Shoyo to make fun of him or call him names.

But it never came. They stumbled back to their dorm together at midnight and flopped on their beds.

_ “That was fun,” Tadashi murmurs. “Thanks for going out with me.” _

_ “Of course. That’s what friends do,” Shoyo beams like the sun. Tadashi’s jaw drops and he’s sniffling and crying before he can process whatever emotion he’s feeling. _

_ “Oh god, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” _

_ “N-No,” Tadashi whimpers and wipes his eyes. “I just...I’ve never had a friend before.” _

_ Shoyo crawls over and wraps his arms around Tadashi. “Well, you have one now.” _

Tadashi’s hands move back down the piano and slip back into a more minor key. For how burnt out and depressed he felt during the first month of school. How he just dragged his body from building to building and how his heart felt like it was always ready to pound out of his chest.

Then he moves back up and starts going lighter and faster and happier. For meeting Kei. For the longing he felt for him. For how grateful he felt that someone cared enough about him to help him with school and with his anxiety. Kei was something he’d never had before. He never had anyone listen to his trauma and try to help him fight it. Kei was someone he felt safe with. Safer than he did with Shoyo.

He moves into a more melancholy melody. For that week Kei disappeared and he thought he was being abandoned. For the fear and stress that came along with Ushijima grabbing him being amplified when the biggest piece of his support system vanished. For crying with Kenma in the bathroom. For breaking down in Kuroo’s office.

_ “He called me his friend! I don’t know why he’d lie to me!” _

_ Kuroo rubs his shoulder and looks a little panicked. “I’m sure he didn’t. He just...he’s an idiot when he has a crush.” _

_ Tadashi doesn’t even process Kuroo’s words. “I miss him.” _

_ “I know you do. I’ll see if I can knock some sense into him.” _

He leans and sways into the flourish for his and Kei’s first kiss. For how all the pain and anger were massaged out of his body with Kei’s hands on his arms and jacket. For the wonder and awe that replaced them when Kei shouted that he loved him. He hadn’t heard those words in two years. Kei saying them made up for all of it.

The piece settles into something smooth and joyful for the time he and Kei had together. Then it goes low and loud and angry.

For Ushijima. For the cold biting his thighs and hands burning his hips and a knife taunting him from Ushijima’s coat. For his cheek scraping the wall, his ribs aching from being thrown on the concrete, and his groin feeling rubbed raw. For Tanaka tackling the man off of him. For the week he spent not allowing Shoyo anywhere near him. Not leaving his dorm room without Kei. For crying and jumping at every sound. For not sleeping and having panic attacks any time he was left alone for more than ten minutes.

He gets louder and louder and pours every ounce of pain into the section. For seeing his tormentors again. For his iPod cracking on the ice. For remembering that night he was torn away from his grandma and left all alone.

He lifts his hand off the keys for a second. Then sets them back down higher up on the keys and plays something soft, light, and hopeful. 

For Kei bringing him back from the brink. For Yasmin, Shemika and Helen. For Hina filling his belly with soup, tea, and love.

He plays his last couple of notes and lets his hands float off the keys. It’s quiet for a second and then the cheers begin. He stands up and bows to them.

“Hell yeah, Tadashi!” He hears Kotaro call from the middle row. He straightens up and waves.

All these people he doesn’t know are cheering for him.

All these people stayed to hear him.

People actually wanted to hear him play.

He walks off stage and barely hears his professor thank everyone. His eyes well up with tears and he thinks he sees his grandma for a second.

_ “Well done, baby. You sounded like magic.” _

Tadashi runs out of the hall and throws himself into Kei’s arms. Kuroo, Tanaka, Shoyo, Tobio, and Kotaro pile up around him, and Kenma’s clapping softly off to the side.

“Baby, that was amazing,” Kei whispers.

“Why didn’t you tell us you could play like that, you beautiful bastard!” Kotaro yells. Tadashi laughs and buries his face in Kei’s shirt. They break away from the hug and Hina wraps him up.

“You were amazing, sweetheart,” she murmurs and kisses his head. “Can we all take you out for some dessert?”

“Free food?” Shoyo and Tobio ask. Hina laughs and nods.

“Come on. My treat.”

“Kei, I love your mom,” Kuroo says and takes Kenma’s hand. Kei grumbles something. Tadashi grins and takes his hand.

“Did you like it?” He asks.

“I told you, baby,” Kei says warmly. “You were fucking amazing.”

“Hey, why’d you call it  _ Moon Island? _ ” Shoyo asks as they pile into Hina’s van. Tadashi pulls on his fingers and stutters for a second.

“Um,” he looks up at Kei. “It’s a kind of rough translation of your last name.”

Kei’s eyes go wide. “What?”

“Well, um, ‘Tsuki’ means moon. A-And ‘shima’ kind of means island. And...I don’t know...that phrase made me think of a safe place. W-Which is you. You’re my safe place.”

Kei doesn’t say anything for a second, then pulls him into a hug. “I love you so much.”

“Aww, Tadashi,” Kotaro coos and then grunts when Kuroo punches him.

“I love you too,” Tadashi whispers.

“Knock, knock,” Hina says gently and slips into Tadashi’s dorm. “You almost done packing or do you need some help?”

“I’m almost done,” Tadashi says and sticks his laptop into his backpack.

“Okay, well, Kei’s waiting in the car. He’s super tired and wanted to rest a little bit. Hope you don’t mind it’s just me.”

Tadashi chuckles under his breath. “I don’t mind.” He zips open a duffle bag and stuffs Belana and Bulbasaur into it along with some sweatshirts he has on the bed.

“Tadashi!” Hiroshi’s voice booms from down the hall. Tadashi freezes and his vision starts to swim. Hina’s hands land on his back and she whispers.

“Let me handle this. It’s going to be okay.”

Tadashi nods and tries to stand up.

“Who the hell are you?” Niko asks.

“I’m Kei’s mom. I am almost certain Tadashi told you he was going to be spending winter break with Kei. I’m here to take him home.”

“Well, you won’t be. He’s coming with us like a  _ good  _ son,” Niko says pointedly and Tadashi’s cheek starts to sting again.

“I’m not going with you,” he whines.

“Yes, you are,” Niko says and pushes past Hina and grabs his arm. Tadashi flinches and raises his arms up to protect his face. “This is ridiculous. You don’t get to run away from us,” she hisses in his ear.

“By the way, we saw your recital,” Hiroshi says. “Did you enjoy all those pity claps?”

“Shut up! Both of you!” Hina shouts and pushes Niko off Tadashi. “He’s an adult and he can do what he wants. And he chose to spend winter break with Kei. So unless you want me to call campus police, you’ll back off and let him come with me. Unlike you, I’ll actually take care of him. I won’t put him down or hurt him. No wonder he doesn’t want to stay with you,” Hina spits.

Niko scoffs and Hina grabs Tadashi’s duffle bags. “Let’s go, baby,” Hina says and Tadashi pulls his backpack on. He nods and follows Hina.

“Tadashi Yamaguchi if you take one more step, you’ll be cut off forever,” Hiroshi snaps. Tadashi freezes and feels his eyes get warm. “We won’t pay for your school, your dorm, or your food. You won’t be welcome back home. Unless you come back with us. Right now.”

He starts shaking and looks up at Hina. “H-Hina.”

“I told you, Tadashi. You’ll always be safe and welcome at my house.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Niko shouts.

“Shut up, bitch, and let him choose!” Hina shouts back.

Tadashi winces and wipes his eyes.

And with shaking legs, steps towards Hina.

“You’ll be sorry,” Hiroshi growls and harshly brushes past him. Niko bumps his shoulder and walks off hastily.

Hina wraps an arm around Tadashi’s shoulders and kisses his head. “It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna be fine.”

Hina loads his duffle bags into the trunk and Tadashi climbs into the backseat. Kei turns around and takes his hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I got cut off.”

Kei glances at Hina, who nods. “He’s going to be fine. We’ll help you figure it out.”

Kei turns back to him and smiles. “You’re going to be famous one day, then you won’t have to worry about student debt.”

Tadashi laughs and Hina turns out of the parking lot. He leans against the window with Kei’s hand in his and smiles.

He’s with his family now.

Everything will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much you guys!


	18. Epilogue-Circumpolar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip and star gazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this little brain rot fic of mine! I have other stuff if you wanna check that out (mostly Zukka) but thanks for all the comments and honestly I'll probably have more Tsukiyama stuff out soon cuz yams is a comfort character lmao.  
> Enjoy!

Their rings glimmer in the moonlight as Kei sets up the telescope he borrowed from work. Tadashi sits in the bed of their truck, swinging his legs. His white dress shirt has the first couple buttons undone and his black tie is loose around his neck, billowing in the wind. He kicked his shoes off in the car so his bare feet dangle in the night. Kei adjusts the telescope and then reaches a hand out behind him.

“Come here, I set it up perfectly,” he says. His husband takes his hand, comes closer, and looks into the telescope. Kei looks above his head, the meteor shower is visible to the naked eye. He gets to see things like this up close all the time. Tadashi doesn’t. Kei watches the little streaks of white dart across the sky. Tadashi breathes out in awe and pulls away from the telescope.

“They’re amazing,” he whispers. “Do you want to look?”

Kei smiles and just shakes his head. Watching meteor showers through telescopes is common for him now. Part of him almost prefers to watch them with just his eyes.

They look like Tadashi’s freckles and scars when he looks at them with just his eyes.

Kei looks back up at the stars. Pisces is out. Ursa Major is out. Kei gazes at Tadashi and reaches out his finger. He traces Ursa Major with his husband’s freckles and then points at it in the sky.

“Ursa Major. Do you see it?” He asks. Tadashi leans his head on Kei’s shoulder and nods.

“What else is out?”

Kei shows him Pisces. Ursa minor. Orion. Cassiopeia. He draws them on Tadashi’s cheeks before he points them out in the sky.

“They’re beautiful,” Tadashi murmurs. 

Kei watches his husband’s freckles and sighs. “Yeah. Beautiful.”

Tadashi looks over at him and winks. “You’re staring.”

“I married you,” Kei says. “I can stare at you as much as I want.”

Tadashi laughs and leads them back to the truck bed. They lined it with blankets and keep pillows under the seats in the back specifically for star-gazing. Tadashi lays down and Kei flops down next to him.

“Tell me the stories,” Tadashi whispers like he does most nights they spend staring at the stars. Kei starts with Orion. Then Hercules. He likes finishing with Ursa Major and Minor. Tadashi likes that one the most.

He loves all the little things he’s learned about him. Kei supposes that being together for ten years, married for four, teaches one a lot.

Tadashi stretches and grumbles a little as his back protests the movement. Sitting at a piano for hours a day makes his back ache.

“By the way, our paperwork got approved.”

Kei freezes and feels heat build up behind his eyes. They applied to adopt almost a year ago, Kei was worried they’d been rejected for weeks and no one told them because they’re gay.

“When?” Kei almost yells. Tadashi laughs and takes Kei’s hand.

“I got the email yesterday. I wanted to surprise you.”

“You-” Kei breathes and starts to cry. Tadashi chuckles again and Kei climbs on top of him. “You bastard you sat on that news for a whole day?” He’s not angry.

Tadashi giggles and nods. Kei grabs his cheeks and presses his lips to his husband’s. “They said it might be up to another year before the real deal but-”

“But we’re gonna be parents?” Kei interrupts. Tadashi runs his fingers over Kei’s lips. He nods again.

“Soon we will be.”

Kei collapses onto Tadashi and hugs him tight.

“I love you,” Tadashi murmurs.

Kei nuzzles his husband’s chest like Tadashi has done since they were in college and sighs against his neck.

“You’re my everything, nebula. My everything.”


End file.
